I've had enough of the drama!
No you have not. You love drama. You hate that Gossip Girl isn't a reality show.

The gym kicked my ass!
You recently started working out and want everyone to know. If you worked out more, you'd know that working out produces a greater natural high than facebook comments.

"Quote from a famous person." -Famous Person
It's possible you heard something interesting and wanted to share. More than likely you couldn't think of anything to say, but wanted people to know you still exist.

*Special thanks to Sara P. for submitting these*

These creepy screencaps were sent to me by Leslie. Send in your own and we'll pay you $150 if we use it.  See the end of the article for details.  In the meantime, enjoy the world's worst Facebook flirter.

Signing up for a club this semester? Make sure you know what you're really joining. Roll-over these Club Fair posters to see what's really going on.

So I found out my girlfriend was dating me and this guy at the same time, so I thought the right thing to do was e-mail the guy and let him know. Two days later the guy calls me and I figured he wanted closure or confirmation, instead he told me that if I ever spoke to the girl again that he would come to my house with an aluminum bat and that they would need my dental records to identify me. I guess they deserve each other.
-Brian ASU

I was casually dating a guy at the end of my senior year of college. He was planning on transferring to a school about two and a half hours away from my future grad school. We came to the mature, adult decision to not expect the relationship to go much further, because he did not want to commit to a long-distance relationship. The next morning, his Facebook status has changed to "In a Relationship" with another girl. Their schools are seven hours apart.
-Steph

My girlfriend stopped in a middle of a make out session to complain about how we didn't make out anymore.
-Dan

A few months ago I got called by a potential lady friend of mine that wanted to watch zombie movies. Later that night she got mad at me because we actually watched zombie movies.
-Jacob, Eastern Illinois University

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I work for a large retail corporation as a plain-clothes security/loss prevention officer. I was watching this wannabe gangsta one day in the boys department when I noticed he unzipped his pants. I thought the guy was gonna shove some shirts down his pants and make a run for it. Nope! Instead he whipped it out and starting peeing on EVERYTHING...EVERYTHING! I waited until the guy was done (I didn't want to be rude) and approached him. We ended up having a fight in the parking lot and he dislocates my shoulder. When I come back into the store, the customers are yelling at me like i was the bad guy. I hope they wear his urine.
-Abel

I work at a behavioral home for mentally insane people that have committed crimes. While breaking up a fight between two patients, one of them grabbed my balls as hard as he could for like 5 seconds. I had to spend the next 8 hours in the hospital and get an ultrasound done on my goods.
-Anonymous

My boss called me into his office yesterday to inform me he would be gone the next day. He explained that one day last week he went to the copy room to use a stapler and it was empty. He didn't fill it and instead was tracking how long it took before the office manager filled it. He wanted me to check it when he wasnt there and record it on his log. I left his office and went to the copy room and yes, one of the six staplers was empty. I filled it.
-Anonymous

Ever brought a girl back to your place after a party? There's more to consider than just how long you last...

TV: Guys, he just put on The Notebook! He's hooking up!

Door: I'm not locked! I'm not locked! What do I do?!

Walls: Oh god, the pressure, why can't we be thicker?

Computer: Does this mean no porn tonight? Awh man...

Wallet: I THINK there's a condom in me. If not, bad luck Bed.

Bed: Ahh sh*t, I was only changed yesterday. Wait, they might do it on the carpet like last time.

Carpet: Not a chance, I gave him a burn he won't soon forget. You're screwed.

Bed: Desk?

Desk: Are you kidding? They only do it on me in the movies. I'm so lonely...

Bed: Thank god this chick is lighter than that last one. I was aching for
days.

Carpet: Awh yeah! His shirt just landed on me. It's going down!

Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

So I work at a place similar to a Chuck E' Cheese, so I obviously deal with kids all the time.  Well one day, an older woman approaches the front counter and tells us that a kid took a dump on the floor.  She told us as she was preparing to leave.  This stuff happens normally and is nothing new.  Well when we looked at the security tapes to see who did it, it turns out that the granddaughter of the lady who told us, was the one who did it.  Instead of taking the kid to the bathroom, the woman moves the rocking chair she was sitting on, has the kid pull down her pants, crap, then puts the rocking chair back over the crap and tells us.  She never came back.
-Chris

I work at a fairly large retail drug store and encounter all different types of interesting people. I had an older man stop me as I was stocking shelves one day and tell me that I reminded him of his second ex-wife and he was so glad she had died.
-Anonymous

Within the first two hours of my first substitute teaching job a 5th grade girl told me I had a nice butt. I was sexually harassed by an eleven year old.
-Ethan

Things look a little different when you're in college...

I was dating a girl and my mom told me we were going to move to a different city at the end of the school year. I told my girlfriend and the next day she gave me a note and a kiss then just walked away. The note let me know she wanted to end things now before the get serious. I found a way to stay in the school district and when I asked her to go back out with me she told me she had moved on and her feelings were gone.
-Goose, Dallas

I was dating a girl on and off for several months. It was the anniversary of our first kiss, and I mentioned it to her. She responded with, "Why do you remember that?" and then called me a creep.
-Jason, UNR

You know the song "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's? It's about a guy telling his girlfriend that they can make a long distance relationship work. I used to think it was a cool and cute song. Of course this was before it awkwardly came on the radio right after explaining that I didn't want to date her anymore because long distance relationships don't work.
-Tristan, U of MN

Awhile ago my boyfriend told me his Facebook password after we had been dating for a year because he, "completely trusted" me...of course, he then asked me for mine so I gave it to him. Later, because he trusted me so much, he looked up message threads I had from over three years ago and yelled at me for being a slut.
-Jane, UIUC

My cousin Jordan is starting his freshman year this coming August. He just got his roommate assignment and sent this over to me the other day. Check it out.

It was eighth grade and I had never been kissed and me and some friends were hanging out and all encouraging me to kiss my crush. So finally I told myself the next time someone tells me to kiss him I'll do it. Turns out my crush was the first one to mention it because he said "kiss me", so I went in and kissed him. As soon as our lips parted he said "No I said, "Casey", Casey was out friend sitting across from us.
-Sara, UCDavis

My now ex-gf canceled on a double date a 1/2 hour before we were supposed to go out. I had to call my friend as he was already on his way over to my house and tell him he was on his own for dinner now. Then she broke up with me that night saying she wasn't ready for a relationship. She called me the next day and asked me to buy her booze.
-BMB

I never appreciated the song centerfold until i stumbled across a picture of my ex-girlfriend naked on the internet.
-Brett Y.

A girl once called me 82 times in one night. You think she would have figured it out once I didn't pick up the first time. We weren't dating.
-Bill, Bowling Green

My mom asked me to help her check her voicemail because she kept getting the message saying the mailbox was full. I showed her how to press "1" and put in her password and then we listened to the messages: two were from my dad. The third was from my mom herself saying "Oh hey, it's just me checking my messages..."
Jessica Montgomery, University of Alberta

My professor's Facebook status this morning was: "what exactly is a 'poke?' before i do it to anybody, i need to know what happens... thx"
Katherine Grandstrand

I just saw an old guy working out with a discman inside a fanny pack.
Kevin Elliott, Creighton

Now-a-days there are age limits for just about everything. At 17-years-old I got kicked out of a hotel hot tub because I didn't have a parent guardian present. Our society places ridiculous age limits for things that we "can" do. However, I believe there should be a greater importance on age limits for things people "can no longer'" do. Besides an age limit for women wearing bathing suits (which is arguably 42 years old and/or 180 pounds), I haven't seen any problems with girls. However, everyday I see men do things that they should no longer be doing at certain ages.

With that being said, I have come up with a list of things guys do that should definitely have an age limit. Feel free to message me if you have anything to add to the list.

13-years-old: Guys can no longer wear whitey tighties, have a chili bowl, or wear shorts that do not exceedingly pass the finger tip test (Sorry frat daddies).