This Poem's So Indie

I must be frank, to say the least;Your music taste's quite blandWhich is why I must inquireIf you're familiar with the bandYou mean to claim you have not heardThis grand musical treasure?My poor dear sir, you've been deprivedOf certain aural...

The Namesake Of Murphy's Law Attempts To Perform Surgery For The First Time

Here you go, Murphy. The Big Show. 12 years of medical school have come to this.  Sure, there have been mishaps in the past, but this man is counting on you to bring him home safely.  It’s your time to shine, so slap on your gloves and get...

If Internet Ads Behaved Like Your Jewish Mother

Make $1000 a day at home!!! – Shirley’s son, Michael – you met him at Ruth’s wedding – well he’s becoming a cardiologist. What have you been doing these last few days?FrEE viAGrA!!!! – I know, I know, you...

Michael Bay Pitches His Next Big Movie Idea

Alright, so here’s what I was thinking: it’s gonna be Casablanca meets Tron.........on a submarine.  Bruce Willis is like, this ordinary dentist right? WRONG!  He’s actually a ninja.  He doesn’t know this for at least the...

An Open Letter From UPS

Dear Mr. Timberlake and Mr. Samberg,The United Parcel Service recently viewed your postal tutorial concerning the proper packaging of goods.  However, many of us found numerous errors in your demonstration and would like to request that you remove...

Ahead of His Time

Producer: William, we must speak with each other of this new play you've written.Shakespeare: Ah, yes. My latest is the tale of a...Producer: Yes...yes, the story is fine. More than fine, William. It's just that we at The Globe take issue with...

If 21st Century Girls Had 17th Century Standards

Tricia and Kara, two extremely hot girls, are laying out in the quad. Tricia: Oh my god, Kara, take a look at Henry Popper over there laying on the bench.Kara: Wow. Look at that healthy, full gut. He must be like, totally well fed and wealthy....

Christian Convenience Store

A Man Calls Domino's, Wondering The Whereabouts of His Pizza

Hello? How do you do. I don't mean to cause a great deal of trouble here but it has now been over one hour since I ordered my sausage, pepperoni, and onion pizza from your establishment. It is currently thirty minutes past the estimated delivery...