I walked in on my mother and father with their new cell phone pressed against a radio playing some terrible Bette Midler song. I asked what they were doing. They replied, simply, "Trying to get a new ring tone."
From Justin, Lock Haven University

I set up a gmail account for my dad and he was reading the gmail tutorial thing. After a while he asks, "What is this, 'Sunday night is movie night?' I can watch movies on gmail on Sundays?"
He was reading a sample email with the subject, "Sunday is movie night"
From Albert C

My Italian teacher couldn't understand why she couldn't get a video going in class. I went up to the laptop and saw that she'd enter www.utube.com.
From Marty, Fenwick

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been alot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out thetop 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to RoommateConfessions@GMail.com.

Remember when you asked if I had told anybody that you were sleeping with a married black man who happened to work for your dad? I lied. The entire AGR house knows, along with several dozen others. Next time instead of kicking me out of the dorm, you should consider getting a hotel room where affairs usually take place. Let's hope daddy doesn't check the mail.
Kat, University of Arkansas

When you were moving out, I was mopping the disgusting floors because you never cleaned. When I emptied the water out of the sink, I used your silverware that you had left out in an open box to dig the clumps of cat hair and dirt and nastiness from the drain catch so I wouldn't have to touch it, then I put them back. Then I saw you eating pasta with them later that night.
Danielle, University of Arizona

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, submit it at the bottom of this or any WYR article.

Would You Rather...

• Have to watch nothing but new Simpsons or new Family Guy for the rest of your life? From Kevin the Mountain Man
  
• Have a Lightsaber, or the Batmobile? From John
• Be I Am Legend with no hope for a cure, or Cast Away with no chance of escape? From Tony
• Watch the same episode of your favorite show for 24 hours or watch 24 hours of different shows that you hate? From PJ
• Drink your milk shake , or have Daniel Plainview drink your milk shake? From matt
• Have sex with Jessica Rabbit, or the Litte Mermaid? From Riss
• Be rich beyond your wildest dreams, or be sexy beyond your wildest dreams? From Zabi
• Be better than all your friends at Halo 3, or be better than all your friends at Beer Pong? From jeff
• Be rich and ugly, or Poor and good looking? From James

Finally, this week's winner of the Read Another Website Please Award is Earl, who- ver batim- sent in this.

• WTF you guys pick the dumbest ones ever. every beerpong shot or every basketball shot??? or thats either pretending to be in college for the rest of your life and be on useless youtube beerpong videos or be a millionaire. and plus its from a guy named thomas. i bet he goes by tom for short or also FAGGOT FOR MAKING THE DUMBEST WOULD YOU RATHER EVER. From Earl

Congrats Earl, get the f*ck out of here.

If you have a good WYR, submit it below. Check back every Friday to see if yours made the cut.

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, submit it below!

Would You Rather...

• Eat a bowl of boogers or a bowl of scabs? From Racy
• Be Tay Zonday or Bo Burnham? From James
• Be a doctor and have to tell a family a loved one has passed or be a NFL official telling 65,000 people that a touchdown is being overturned? From Jake
• Pay $5 and take the ferry or caulk the wagon and float? From Adam
• Never be able to write with your dominant hand ever again or jerk off with your dominant hand ever again? From Jack
• Drink a gallon of someone else's saliva or be completelysubmerged in someone else's vomit? From Garrett
• Have your girlfriend cheat on you with someone who will have hard sex with her or someone who will have tender, gentle sex with her? From Jake
• Be in the tub with tub girl or in the middle of the bed during lemon party? From Patrick
• Be really good at breakdancing or really good at beatboxing? From Sir Jones
  

Finally, this week's winner of the High As F*ck Award is Patrick, who sent in this.

Congrats Patrick, I hope you didn't get too much Cheeto cheese on your keyboard when you sent that in.

Hey, check this out! Now you can submit WYRs right here. Neat!

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Have a girl fall asleep while you are having sex, or have her tell you to "just stop" because she is going to fall asleep? From Katie
• Get shot in the leg, or stabbed in the arm? From Bo
• Be able to draw perfect geometrical shapes, or be able to write in Times New Roman font? From Bek
• Be able to complete to complete sentences From Justin
• Run a mile on scalding hot concrete or swim a half a mile in freezing cold water? From Josh
• Have your boogers smell bad or your tongue taste bad? From Russ
• Have to swear in every sentence you speak or be limited to a third
  grade vocabulary? From Brian
• Have body hair that is constantly growing or have a cone head that
  grows 2 inches every year? From Hannah
• Eat a whole can of dog food or a whole tube of toothpaste? From HIbb

Finally, this week's winner of the You Stumped Me Award is Tony, who sent in this.

Congrats Tony, I honestly can't make up my mind. This WYR was so good it went out to the entire CH office and we're all debating it now.

Send your best WYRs to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com

Meet the Dane-Cook-a-Tron! Enter any regular joke into the box below, and our advanced computer software will Dane-Cook-ify it. Your first movie deal can't be far away!

Your joke:  

Your joke Dane Cook-ified:

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, send it to me at Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com.

Would You Rather...

• Only be able to watch women's soccer or women's basketball? From Matt
• Have a constant, painful nose pimple, or a constant, painful sore on the inside of your cheek? From Mike
• Fight Charles Barkley or all the people from Gnarls Barkley at once? From Chad
• Have everything you drink be alcoholic or never drink alcohol again? From Connor
• Get stuck in an elevator or get stuck on a rollercoaster? From Danny
• Eat sh*t and die or eat sh*t and live forever with the nickname "sh*teater"? From Sid
• Drive a crappy car for the rest of your life or drive any car you want but it is constantly blaring the "Viva Viagra" song? From Ral
  
• have your shower be a little too hot or a little too cold forever? From James
• Date a really hot chick who's way smarter than you and never wrong
  about anything or an equally hot chick who's dumb as a post and always
  wrong about everything? From Alex
• Work for Dunder-Mifflin (The Office) or Initech (Office Space)? From Patrick

Finally, this week's winner of the Yeah, I'm High Award is Brian, who sent in this.


Take a nap, Brian. You've earned it.

Send your best WYRs to Streeter.Seidell @ Gmail.com