BroooOOOoooOOO!!! What's good, bro? Bro, where have you been, this party started so long ago! You should have been here earlier, we've been drinking since 3:30. Freshman started showing up around 9. I swear, some of these freshman queers don't know Phi Kap party etiquette, man. Three chicks for every dude, am I right? Totally. But hey, I'm not complaining, a party's a party! Even with those freshman homos. But I guess they aren't so bad, at least they know bros before hoes! Some of these guys are total Phi Kap material, they know how to rock a collipop. Popped Collar, bro! By the way, yours is looking good, bro. Real good, cause like, your shirt matches your eyes... WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING BRO! Yuengling? Fuck that shit, we got Nattys tonight, bro! I'm getting straight up hammered, gonna fuck some freshman queer tonight, gonna be swee- What? Nah, bro, freshman bitches, I said freshman bitches. Why would I fuck a queer, dude? You saying I'm gay? Huh? Wait, are you gay? Cause, like, if you are, I'm totally coo- You're not? SWEET BRO. ME NEITHER. I LOVE HOES. Totally. Keg Stand! Dude, I just got the Halo 3 beta, it's in my room- you already played it? O, yeah, it did come out a while ago. O, I just got the new Guitar Hero 3, it's up in my room, it's fucking tight, bro! What? No, I didn't know it's not out yet. Well, I just got a sick new black light poster in my room, you've got to come check it out- you've got a stigma? What? Sucks dude, black lights rule, you're missing out. I love you. What? Nah, bro, we're bros! Bros! Like, Brrroooooossss! I love you, like, uh, a bro, bro! A bro!!! Come on, Brobo Cop, let's shotgun these beers! In my room! Together! Alright, sweet! You like Dave Matthews? My favorite song is Crash. You mind if I play it? Bro, check out my shoulders, I've been in the gym like crazy this week! Yeah, and my lats have gotten tight as hell! Let me see your six pack, bro. Come on, let me see! Just take your shirt off, man. Please? Bro, those are sweet! And your pecs are tight, tighter than an asshole! My asshole! Sick bro, sick... Man, I love Natty, I'm so fucked up, I don't even think I'll remember any of this tomorrow. You seriously have sweet eyes, bro, looking into them is like... a Brohemian Rhapsody! Bro! You're not driving home, are you? You should totally crash here, my bed's big enough. No way man, give me your keys, I'm serious. Dude, keep your shirt off, you've worked hard for those abs! Where are you going? Bro, come back, I love you, bro! We're bros, man, bros.

At the end of every professor's syllabus, there's a paragraphsummarizing how he or she determines your final grade. Usually, therewill be a midterm (30%), final (30%), homework (15%), and a finalproject/paper (15%). Altogether, this adds up to 90%, so where doesthat extra 10% come from? Class participation. If you can get yourselfstanding outside your dorm building with pants on ten minutes beforeclass, these simple instructions will carry you the rest of the way tothe easiest ten percent of your life.

English
English is tough because you have to look likeyou've done the reading, even if you used your book money on thesnakeoil that man in the top hat sold you. Make friends with one person inthe class who has all the books, and starta conversation about thereadingbefore class starts. All you need is 4-5 minutes.Once class hasbegun, be the first person called on, and reiterate what your friendhas said, and make sure to ask one question about something a characterdid. Sure, your friend might not be your friend by the end of thesemester, but that snake oil will have made your skin so smooth, you'llbe too busy with the ladies to even notive.

Philosophy
Listen for the first few minutes, so you have a general idea of thevicinity of the ball park that this topic might venture around tosooner or later, maybe. Then pick the last name of a guy someonejust mentioned, add "-ianism" or just plain "-ism" to the end of it,raise your hand, and ask a question that has your new word somewhere init. As long as your voice goes up at the end of your sentence,you're good. Do this three or four times per class.

Women and Gender Studies
Female: Talk about how much your life sucks.
Male: Shut the hell up.

Business
Shit, I don't know, wear a three piece suit to class? Am I writing for Forbes.com or CollegeHumor.com?

Film
Sit down.
Watch movie.
Talk about movie.
The End!

Communications
If I have to tell you how to get your full 10% participation gradein a Comm class, then you are definitely a Comm major. Or ababy. Hell, your professor will be so surprised you showed up toclass with a shirt on he'll ask you what grade you want. (Hint:Say "A")