Sean Curry's Articles

2 total in January 2008

  • The World's Worst Boyfriend's Girlfriend Prepares for Valentine's Day

    Check out her boyfriend's list.

    To Do!!!

    Remind Jeremy to get condoms this time, not just lube.

    Wash hair, put on make up.

    Draw on Jer-Jer's Graffitti Wall!

    Call Best Buy and ask if they sell purses.

    GoogleMap a route that avoids circuses and ALL CLOWNS (eww gross!).

    Remind Jeremy I like Cabernet Sauvignon, not Merlot, and that Malt Liquor is NOT red wine.

    Check to make sure Jeremy got the reservations at Chez Lisbon, not another sports bar.

    Get the dress I wore on first date cleaned, pressed.

    Get Rock Band for Jer-Jer.

    Finish up Soulmates picture collage and scrapbook.

    Give local tattoo parlors my picture, make sure they won't give me a tattoo (again), no matter how drunk I am.

    Tell Dad not to worry when Jeremy threatens him. And also mention he should give me money so Jeremy doesn't hurt him again. Furthermore, tell Dad to wait in the house when he hears the El Camino coming.

    Remember not to stare directly at Jeremy's tooth. It makes him angry. Tell this to Dad too.

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  • A Tale of Two Sodas

    Dr. Pepper walks out of a coffeeshop, counting his change, and accidentally bumps into Mr. Pibb.

    		Dr. Pepper: Oh, pardon me I wasn't looking where I was going- Pibb?
    		Mr. Pibb: Doc! Oh man, hey Doc, what's up?
    		Dr. Pepper: Mr. Pibb, I, uh... good to see you, how have you been?
    		Mr. Pibb: You know, chilling, doing my thing. About to head down to Mickey Dee's, grab me a Big Mac. I'm maad hungry cause I dropped the biggest deuce this morning!
    		Dr. Pepper: Ahh, yes, that's.... delightful. Well, I must be get going, I'm meeting-
    		Mr. Pibb: Oh, sh*t, who you meeting? Coke? Pepsi?
    		Dr. Pepper: Um, no one, just, uh, a friend from out of town-
    		Mr. Pibb: You're meeting Fanta? Is she in the States?
    		Dr. Pepper: No, she's not. Nevermind, I'm just late.
    		Mr. Pibb: Oh, true, true. Hey didn't see you at RC's party last weekend, it was off the hook! Slice was there, Tab, and all the Dew Brothers!
    		Dr. Pepper: Mountain Dew was there?
    		Mr. Pibb: Oh, no. Just Code Red and Game Fuel. But it was crazy, Tab hooked up with both of them! I always thought she opened from the other end of the can, but I guess not.
    		Dr. Pepper: Yes, well, sorry I missed out on the... "fun". It's just that Sprite and I were trying out this new sushi place uptown. I meant to stop by afterwards, but I just lost track of time, and...
    		Mr. Pibb: Yeah, yeah, sure. I bet you just went to one of those fancy parties that Barq's throws all the time, right? I'm right, aren't I? Haha, just poppin' yer top, man.
    		Dr. Pepper: ...right.
    		Mr. Pibb: Hey man, we should totally hang out some time! Just like college, Pepper and Pibb, tearin' it up! Remember our beer pong team name?
    		Dr. Pepper: Oh yes, P-
    		Mr. Pibb: Pibber! Yeah man, that was so much fun. College was crazy.
    		Dr. Pepper: Yes, it was fun. Ten years ago.
    		Mr. Pibb: Yeah, yeah, totally.
    		Sam's Club Dr. Radical: 'scuse me gentlemen, could you spare any change?
    		Mr. Pibb: Ooh, sorry, don't have any, man.
    		Dr. Pepper: I only carry plastic.
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    • Sean Curry The College of New Jersey

    About Me

    Sean Curry is not meant to be used as a lifesaving flotation device. Pregnant women or women who think they may be or soon be pregnant should consult a doctor before taking Sean Curry. Allow 7-8 weeks for delivery. All statements made by Sean Curry are entirely fictional and not meant to represent any actual person, group, place, or thing. Any similarities are unintended and entirely coincidental. Do not be Sean Curry at home.

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