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Democracy. Unnaturally large boobs. Plasma cannons. Declare your love for all of these by voting now. Also, while you're there, enter to win yourself a FREE XBOX 360.

Ladies and gentlemen of the academic community, please turn a reverent ear to my voice and listen to the tale of your messiah, for He has arrived. Long have you been unjustly harassed by the men and women of that totalitarian establishment commonly referred to as "the law". Long have you been kept from doing that which brings you pleasure and happiness. Long has Johnny Law stood in the way of your right to get bombed.

BUT BROTHERS AND SISTERS, OUR DAY IS HERE! Rise up with the College Christ of ASU, and say with him, "F*ck you, pig!" Feel his pain, for it is your pain! Throw your ping pong balls of righteous rebellion! The establishment can no longer keep us sober!

Abraham Lincoln. Gandhi. Malcolm X. Great men, all. They fought for the freedom of their fellow man, for his right to live as he so pleased. And finally, their fourth coming is here. He has many government contacts, and a lawyer who went to Harvard. The pigs are woefully mistaken to challenge him. HA! The College Christ laughs at them! Next time you are unlawfully detained for wrecking your liver, join your brother in our common cry, "How much did you get laid in highschool, huh? None? Me, a lot," and watch the porksmile slide off that pig's face!

Underage drinkers across the nation, live in fear no more. Your salvation is at hand.

Mr. Coen: Hi, Jim Marshall please?
Mr. Marshall: Speaking, who's this?
Mr. Coen: Hey Jim! It's Arthur, Arthur Coen!
Mr. Marshall: Arthur Coen?
Mr. Coen: Remember? The Tapersville Terrible Tarantulas? The bleachers? Must have been, gee whiz, like, 40 years ago.
Mr. Marshall: Terrible Tarantu... ART! Hey, Art, how the hell are you? God, I haven't heard from you since those Little League games!
Mr. Coen: I'm great, I'm great! Liz and I finally decided to come to Florida after a while, life's been great! How've you been? How's your boy, Billy?
Mr. Marshall: Oh, good, good. Still here in Tapersville, though, Alice and I found a nice retirement community. Just taking it easy. And Billy's good. He's doing insurance sales in Parkston, two towns over.
Mr. Coen: Oh I see, I see. Guess that amazing pitching arm of his didn't play out very well, huh?
Mr. Marshall: No, it didn't. He kept playing through high school and into college, but ended up breaking his arm in some fraternity prank. His aim was never the same after that.
Mr. Coen: Oh, wow, that's a shame.
Mr. Marshall: Yeah, he took it pretty hard. He kept trying for a while. We put a lot of time and money into his physical therapy, but it didn't pan out very-
Mr. Coen: Hey, did you watch the Oscars last night?
Mr. Marshall: Excuse me?
Mr. Coen: The Oscars? Did you watch them?
Mr. Marshall: Oh, right. I was able to catch the very end of them...
Mr. Coen: Oh, good! So you saw those two "queer ass camera nerds that are someone's crap excuses for sons", then?
Mr. Marshall: Huh?
Mr. Coen: You know, the two brothers who won two Oscars last night, for Best Director and Best Overall Picture?
Mr. Marshall: I.. yeah, I saw someone accepting something for a movie, uh, "No Old Country" or something...
Mr. Coen: Oh yes, "No Country for Old Men", that took in $1,226,333 in its opening weekend and $58,263,567 overall, to date.
Mr. Marshall: Yeah. Listen, Arthur, I know what this-
Mr. Coen: "No Country for Old Men". God, what a landmark film. Especially from two "bratty, whiny sops who can't play baseball worth a damn".
Mr. Marshall: Arthur, I'm sorry, I've had a long time to reflect, and-
Mr. Coen: So how's the rest of Tapersville been? I haven't been around in a while, I think I might come back and have my sons buy everything.
Mr. Marshall: Arthur-
Mr. Coen: But hey, enough about my boys, let's talk about Billy! Insurance sales, huh? Still working off those physical therapy payments?
Mr. Marshall: Sob...
Mr. Coen: Weird how life turns out, huh, friendo?

Listen, could you put down that Keystone for a moment? I'd like to do you a favor. You know, the world of beer more than just Natties, Millers, and Beasts. Day after day, I see a variety of excellent lagers, stouts, and ales passed up for fear of sampling something not featured in a Super Bowl commercial. So I've decided to make it easy for you: below I review 15 beers; some you may not have heard of, and some tried and true. Please, open your ears and, in turn, open your palates to a new brew:

	Winter's Bourbon Cask Ale Delicious. I eagerly anticipate the coming of the colder months and the variety of seasonal brews they bring, and the good people at Anheuser have developed an insanely good taste experience. A little thicker than what a typical beer drinker may be used to, but the vanilla after taste and subsequent warming feeling will hook most drinkers immediately. Red body, little to no head, and an overall vanilla/caramel aroma.
	Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat Though the name is "Cherry Wheat", I was surprised at the amount of cherry flavor I encountered. I found the beer to be a little too strong for my tastes, though someone with a sweet tooth may find it enjoyable. I chugged the rest of it after two sips, just to get it out of the way. Thin head, orange body, and overall too sweet.
	Brooklyn Monster Ale Good Loard. "11% Alcohol by Volume" puts this... concoction in a clash by itself. Thish is no longer a beer, this bottled animal is a 12 ounces of liquid insanity. I would feel sorry for the man forced to drink an entire 6 pack of this. I downed this quickly as to.move on to a hopefully more enjoyable experience. Starts bitter but mellows out as you finish it, strong taste of hops, and very high in alocohol content.