CollegeHumor: User 8131's Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1761789 Thought Bubble: September 8, 2008 Mon, 08 Sep 2008 10:06:47 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1761789 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Welcome back to The Thought Bubble, bubble thinkers.  I sit down with Adam Dello Buono and new-to-the-column John Fischer to discuss what spandex-clad men we'd like to see wrestle.

North vs South, Rebels vs Stormtroopers, Religion vs Common Sense. There have been some epic throwdowns in human history, but probably none so epic as fights that haven't happened between people that don't actually exist. What are some of your super-powered dream matches?


John: Honestly, I have to say that I'd like to see Namor vs Aquaman.

Adam: The fish would be so confused who to listen to.

John: True. Plus, Namor is a total bastard. Either he gets the shit kicked out of him, or we get to see someone in all orange get the shit kicked out of him. It's a win-win.

Adam: Totally. Also, they have fucking tridents.

John: Dude, tridents? Screw tridents, they could hit each other with whales.

Sean: Does Namor actually wield a trident?

John: I'm sure if you gave him a trident he'd get the general idea.

Adam: Yeah, it's the whole aquatic royalty weapon... thing.

Sean: Plus, Namor has proven to have actual effectiveness above ground, as evidenced by the whole flight, super strength, and increased durability thing.

Adam: He also looks like Spock.

Sean: And he also looks like Spock.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-09-08 10:06:47 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760666 Thought Bubble: August 15, 2008 Fri, 15 Aug 2008 18:57:47 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760666 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Good Works Tour to discuss what happens when you mix gamma rays with scotch and what upcoming supermovies he's excited about.

PANEL ONE: Drunk driving's bad. I think that's something all of us can get behind. You know what's worse? Drunk superhero-ing. Imagine if the car being drunk driven could fly, shoot lasers, and read your mind. There have been some pretty heavy abusers over the years.

Sean: Of course the classic example is Tony Stark
James: Agreed. Though they didn't play it up in the movie, that man is a booze fiend
Sean: "Get me a scotch, I'm starving." I think they did a good job showing his love of the bottle.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-08-15 18:57:47 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759917 Thought Bubble: July 31, 2008 Wed, 30 Jul 2008 23:39:28 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759917 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Good Works Tour. We discuss THE BEST MOVIE EVER, Samuel L Jackson's headshine, and our dream matches.

PANEL ONE: Best Opening Weekend ($158.4 million), Best Single Day($66.4 million). Top movie on IMDB Top 250 list. Could beat Titanic for highest-grossing film of all time. The dust has settled. Dark Knight. Let's talk about it.

Sean: Seen it twice.
James: Seen it once but at midnight the night it came out. I was very pleased
Sean: As was I. This makes up for Bat-Skates, Bat-nipples,Bat-Airboards, and Chris O'Donnell.
James: Agreed! I thought the theme of the film was totally amazing. ...But I did have a big problem with the end.
Sean: The hero not being the hero?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-30 23:39:28 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 17 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759227 Thought Bubble: July 17, 2008 Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:22:31 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759227 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> (New to the series? Check out the first issue here.) This time, Gay Wolverine shows up, along with movie execs admitting they made a mistake and some of the most shameful powers to ever get gamma-rayed for.

Um... mulligan?
PANEL ONE: Spider-Man, The Incredible Hulk, the Batman series reboot, and Iron Man are ushering in a new era of superhero movies. Gone are the days of Batnipples, Catwomen, and Shaq, now is the time of solid story lines, believable villains, and relatable superheroes (emo dance breaks notwithstanding). With the Avengers movie teasing us at the very distant horizon, it seems that the best is yet to come. How is Hollywood going to screw it up?

Sean: Two words: Iron-nipples
Adam: Hey man, the ladies love 'em. I think that's where male disdain for them stemmed from.
Sean: Jealousy?
Adam: Could be. Rock hard nipples all the time, can cut through glass, etc. If that doesn't get you hot I don't know what does.
Sean: My nipples cut through ass.
Adam: Trust me, I know.
Sean: Before we get too personal for the Grown-Men-In-Tights Column, lets veer back to the movies. I'm really glad to see Hollywood bigwigs willing to admit they screwed up an awesome story and take a redo, like with Hulk.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-17 15:22:31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 9 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752803 The Morning After: If I Were King Wed, 09 Apr 2008 22:11:33 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752803 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Keep Reading ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-09 22:11:33 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752070 The Thought Bubble Sat, 29 Mar 2008 14:40:02 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752070 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> For the inaugural installment of "Thought Bubble", I talk with the host of The Early Late Show with James Introcaso, James Introcaso. We discuss Britney Spears' alien vagina, the devil, and the riveting cultural undertones of the early works of Stan Lee and how they apply to a post-industrial American society. Just kidding. We talk about Gay Batman.

PANEL ONE: The Marvel Universe is currently being invaded by Skrulls, a shape-shifting race of aliens intent on killing or enslaving any human they see and turning Earth into their new homeworld. Anyone can be the enemy. No one can be trusted. Someone call Joe McCarthy.

James: Big surprise. Someone in the Marvel Universe isn't who they really say they are. They're a clone. Wow. This has NEVER been done before.

Sean: Everyone in the Marvel Universe has either been cloned, impersonated, kidnapped, or dead at some point in their life. After all, you know what they say, "Death is only the halfway point of life."

James: Here's the disappointing part. This is supposed to totally change the Marvel Universe. Civil War was supposed to change the face of the MU. So was World War Hulk! Everything always turns back to normal because no one wants to be reading Daredevil for 36 issues and then find out he was A F*CKING CLONE and now you just blew $144 to read about some blind alien who sucks.

Sean: Clone, alien shapeshifting zealot, same diff.

James: Agreed. Not that I wouldn't love to be a shapeshifting alien. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Sean: Maybe you are.

James: I'd pretty much be a shame for that alien. My identity is more or less worthless to world domination. I'm being interviewed as a comic book expert.
Run for your lives!

Sean: I think if shapeshifting aliens wanted to take over the planet, the best way would be to impersonate a pop celebrity, make everyone think she's crazy, and make sure no one talks about important stuff. Wait...

James: WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

Sean: Can aliens shapeshift vaginas, too?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-29 14:40:02 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 14 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752020 Seniors Fri, 28 Mar 2008 16:46:01 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752020 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Theodore, HS Senior
Ted, College Senior
I reek, I haven't showered since yesterday morning.Dude, I reek! Check me out!If I finish all my homework, I'll knock out a few hours of Playstation.When I finish this level, I'll knock out an hour of homework.I can't go to Tom's until I eat dinner. My mom doesn't trust his mom's cooking.I'm not going to Sig Ep till I'm wasted. They always run out before I get there.At prom, I think Tiffany and I are going to... you know!So I fingered Tiffany for sure at Sig Ep last night, but besides that... I don't know.I got pulled over for speeding on the way to the prom.The cops chased me down and tackled me after they broke up the party.I got my first traffic ticket yesterday.I spent my first night in jail last night.My dad's friend is a recruiter at Loyola, so I've got a really good chance at getting in there.My dad's friend is a lawyer, so I've got a really good chance at getting out of here.I got into Loyola!Turns out my dad's friend isn't such a great lawyer...I'm rooming with my friend, Kevin, and Tiffany's going there, too!I'm going to be going away for a while.I think I'm going to be a Biology major.Look, could you hold a couple of things for me? Just grab, like, everything in my top drawer.I can't wait for September!I love you, Tiffany. Wait for me?
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-28 16:46:01 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 135 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751694 CollegeHumor Interview: WWE's Melina Sun, 23 Mar 2008 16:56:38 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751694 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
This woman knows 11 ways to break your arm.
Hey, you know that program you watch on the scrambled HBO channel when you go to your parents' house for the weekend? The one with the scantily clad, sweaty people rubbing themselves all over each other. No, the other one. The one that can sell action figures. To kids. OK, the WWE. I sat down with WWE Superstar Melina and talked about rabbits, broken bones, and how similar your family is to behemoths dealing near-lethal blows to each other on a canvas square.

What's the worst wrestling-related injury you've ever sustained/inflicted?

Well, thank god I haven't inflicted any kind of injury to anybody, that would sit on my conscience forever! While I was training, the worst that happened was I broke my hand. I went for a drop down and my hand bent backwards right in the middle. That was the only bad injury I've had under contract with the WWE. But 8 years ago in my first match ever, I had a partner and we did a tag move. He landed me and I went sideways on my knee and dislocated my kneecap. That hurt.

Of all your wrestling moves, what's your favorite one?

Of course my finisher! I'm still trying to think of the perfect name for it because to me, my finisher is different, it's my own. So that's my favorite, because it shows not only that its impactful, but its trademarked to me, because I do the splits!

What's the most insane fan encounter you've ever had?

Well, nothing to crazy-crazy, but a guy came up and said he was a big fan and just did a split right in front of me! And two people wanted me to autograph their arms, and then they went and tattooed it. That's the only two really different things that have happened.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-23 16:56:38 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 18 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751581 What Disease Will You Contract Over Spring Break? Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:48:10 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751581 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Where are you going?
America (1 point)
Western Europe (2 points)
Eastern Europe (3 points)
Mexico (4 points)

What are you planning to do?
See the sights! (1 point)
Some partying, some traveling. (2 points)
Party, baby! WOOO! (3 points)
Screw till it falls off. (4 points)

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 31 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751091 Back From Break Tue, 11 Mar 2008 17:14:15 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751091 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
What? Mexico? Nah, bro, everyone goes there. Florida? Please! I was going there when I was like 8, that place is totally dead now. Oh, I just, y'know, kicked it right here in Jersey, man. No, I went home. Yeah, Rutherford. WHAT? NO WAY, MAN, BREAK RULED!

I lived with these two friends of mine that I've lived with before, I just crashed at their place. It was really cool because they paid for everything and didn't even ask me to throw in for food or anything! Totally boss. Yeah, they had a pool, too, but theirs is covered up right now. For... repairs... cause we did so much partying in it last summer, BOY! YEAH!
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-11 17:14:15 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 57 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751024 Clark Kent's Employee Review Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:33:17 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751024 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-10 16:33:17 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 122 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750447 Hottest Videogame Character Thu, 28 Feb 2008 13:23:09 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750447 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Hey! Have you voted in our Hottest Videogame Character Contest yet? Well get to it, we're already up to the semifinals! I heard they're going to get Angelina Jolie and Jessica Simpson to dress up as the winning characters and fight a three-wall caged death match to declare the winner. With pudding. On the moon.

Democracy. Unnaturally large boobs. Plasma cannons. Declare your love for all of these by voting now. Also, while you're there, enter to win yourself a FREE XBOX 360.




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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750443 The College Christ Cometh Thu, 28 Feb 2008 10:54:17 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750443 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> He has arrived. Long have you been unjustly harassed by the men and women of that totalitarian establishment commonly referred to as "the law". Long have you been kept from doing that which brings you pleasure and happiness. Long has Johnny Law stood in the way of your right to get bombed.

Kneel before the orbs of justice, PIG!
BUT BROTHERS AND SISTERS, OUR DAY IS HERE! Rise up with the College Christ of ASU, and say with him, "F*ck you, pig!" Feel his pain, for it is your pain! Throw your ping pong balls of righteous rebellion! The establishment can no longer keep us sober!

Abraham Lincoln. Gandhi. Malcolm X. Great men, all. They fought for the freedom of their fellow man, for his right to live as he so pleased. And finally, their fourth coming is here. He has many government contacts, and a lawyer who went to Harvard. The pigs are woefully mistaken to challenge him. HA! The College Christ laughs at them! Next time you are unlawfully detained for wrecking your liver, join your brother in our common cry, "How much did you get laid in highschool, huh? None? Me, a lot," and watch the porksmile slide off that pig's face!

Underage drinkers across the nation, live in fear no more. Your salvation is at hand.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 17 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750275 Mr. Coen Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:07:25 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750275 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Mr. Coen: Hi, Jim Marshall please?
Mr. Marshall: Speaking, who's this?
Mr. Coen: Hey Jim! It's Arthur, Arthur Coen!
Mr. Marshall: Arthur Coen?
Mr. Coen: Remember? The Tapersville Terrible Tarantulas? The bleachers? Must have been, gee whiz, like, 40 years ago.
Mr. Marshall: Terrible Tarantu... ART! Hey, Art, how the hell are you? God, I haven't heard from you since those Little League games!
Mr. Coen: I'm great, I'm great! Liz and I finally decided to come to Florida after a while, life's been great! How've you been? How's your boy, Billy?
Mr. Marshall: Oh, good, good. Still here in Tapersville, though, Alice and I found a nice retirement community. Just taking it easy. And Billy's good. He's doing insurance sales in Parkston, two towns over.
Mr. Coen: Oh I see, I see. Guess that amazing pitching arm of his didn't play out very well, huh?
Mr. Marshall: No, it didn't. He kept playing through high school and into college, but ended up breaking his arm in some fraternity prank. His aim was never the same after that.
Mr. Coen: Oh, wow, that's a shame.
Mr. Marshall: Yeah, he took it pretty hard. He kept trying for a while. We put a lot of time and money into his physical therapy, but it didn't pan out very-
Mr. Coen: Hey, did you watch the Oscars last night?
Mr. Marshall: Excuse me?
Mr. Coen: The Oscars? Did you watch them?
Mr. Marshall: Oh, right. I was able to catch the very end of them...
Mr. Coen: Oh, good! So you saw those two "queer ass camera nerds that are someone's crap excuses for sons", then?
Mr. Marshall: Huh?
Mr. Coen: You know, the two brothers who won two Oscars last night, for Best Director and Best Overall Picture?
Mr. Marshall: I.. yeah, I saw someone accepting something for a movie, uh, "No Old Country" or something...
Mr. Coen: Oh yes, "No Country for Old Men", that took in $1,226,333 in its opening weekend and $58,263,567 overall, to date.
Mr. Marshall: Yeah. Listen, Arthur, I know what this-
Mr. Coen: "No Country for Old Men". God, what a landmark film. Especially from two "bratty, whiny sops who can't play baseball worth a damn".
Mr. Marshall: Arthur, I'm sorry, I've had a long time to reflect, and-
Mr. Coen: So how's the rest of Tapersville been? I haven't been around in a while, I think I might come back and have my sons buy everything.
Mr. Marshall: Arthur-
Mr. Coen: But hey, enough about my boys, let's talk about Billy! Insurance sales, huh? Still working off those physical therapy payments?
Mr. Marshall: Sob...
Mr. Coen: Weird how life turns out, huh, friendo?
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-02-25 12:07:25 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 46 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1749061 Beer Review Fri, 01 Feb 2008 09:50:54 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1749061 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Winter's Bourbon Cask Ale
Delicious. I eagerly anticipate the coming of the colder months and the variety of seasonal brews they bring, and the good people at Anheuser have developed an insanely good taste experience. A little thicker than what a typical beer drinker may be used to, but the vanilla after taste and subsequent warming feeling will hook most drinkers immediately. Red body, little to no head, and an overall vanilla/caramel aroma.

 Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat
Though the name is "Cherry Wheat", I was surprised at the amount of cherry flavor I encountered. I found the beer to be a little too strong for my tastes, though someone with a sweet tooth may find it enjoyable. I chugged the rest of it after two sips, just to get it out of the way. Thin head, orange body, and overall too sweet.

 Brooklyn Monster Ale
Good Loard. "11% Alcohol by Volume" puts this... concoction in a clash by itself. Thish is no longer a beer, this bottled animal is a 12 ounces of liquid insanity. I would feel sorry for the man forced to drink an entire 6 pack of this. I downed this quickly as to.move on to a hopefully more enjoyable experience. Starts bitter but mellows out as you finish it, strong taste of hops, and very high in alocohol content.

Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-02-01 09:50:54 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 109 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1748674 The World's Worst Boyfriend's Girlfriend Prepares for Valentine's Day Thu, 24 Jan 2008 14:38:29 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1748674 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Check out her boyfriend's list.

To Do!!!

Remind Jeremy to get condoms this time, not just lube.

Wash hair, put on make up.

Draw on Jer-Jer's Graffitti Wall!

Call Best Buy and ask if they sell purses.

GoogleMap a route that avoids circuses and ALL CLOWNS (eww gross!).

Remind Jeremy I like Cabernet Sauvignon, not Merlot, and that Malt Liquor is NOT red wine.

Check to make sure Jeremy got the reservations at Chez Lisbon, not another sports bar.

Get the dress I wore on first date cleaned, pressed.

Get Rock Band for Jer-Jer.

Finish up Soulmates picture collage and scrapbook.

Give local tattoo parlors my picture, make sure they won't give me a tattoo (again), no matter how drunk I am.

Tell Dad not to worry when Jeremy threatens him. And also mention he should give me money so Jeremy doesn't hurt him again. Furthermore, tell Dad to wait in the house when he hears the El Camino coming.

Remember not to stare directly at Jeremy's tooth. It makes him angry. Tell this to Dad too.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-01-24 14:38:29 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 39 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1748318 A Tale of Two Sodas Thu, 17 Jan 2008 14:12:43 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1748318 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Dr. Pepper walks out of a coffeeshop, counting his change, and accidentally bumps into Mr. Pibb.

Dr. Pepper: Oh, pardon me I wasn't looking where I was going- Pibb?
Mr. Pibb: Doc! Oh man, hey Doc, what's up?
Dr. Pepper: Mr. Pibb, I, uh... good to see you, how have you been?
Mr. Pibb: You know, chilling, doing my thing. About to head down to Mickey Dee's, grab me a Big Mac. I'm maad hungry cause I dropped the biggest deuce this morning!
Dr. Pepper: Ahh, yes, that's.... delightful. Well, I must be get going, I'm meeting-
Mr. Pibb: Oh, sh*t, who you meeting? Coke? Pepsi?
Dr. Pepper: Um, no one, just, uh, a friend from out of town-
Mr. Pibb: You're meeting Fanta? Is she in the States?
Dr. Pepper: No, she's not. Nevermind, I'm just late.
Mr. Pibb: Oh, true, true. Hey didn't see you at RC's party last weekend, it was off the hook! Slice was there, Tab, and all the Dew Brothers!
Dr. Pepper: Mountain Dew was there?
Mr. Pibb: Oh, no. Just Code Red and Game Fuel. But it was crazy, Tab hooked up with both of them! I always thought she opened from the other end of the can, but I guess not.
Dr. Pepper: Yes, well, sorry I missed out on the... "fun". It's just that Sprite and I were trying out this new sushi place uptown. I meant to stop by afterwards, but I just lost track of time, and...
Mr. Pibb: Yeah, yeah, sure. I bet you just went to one of those fancy parties that Barq's throws all the time, right? I'm right, aren't I? Haha, just poppin' yer top, man.
Dr. Pepper: ...right.
Mr. Pibb: Hey man, we should totally hang out some time! Just like college, Pepper and Pibb, tearin' it up! Remember our beer pong team name?
Dr. Pepper: Oh yes, P-
Mr. Pibb: Pibber! Yeah man, that was so much fun. College was crazy.
Dr. Pepper: Yes, it was fun. Ten years ago.
Mr. Pibb: Yeah, yeah, totally.
Sam's Club Dr. Radical: 'scuse me gentlemen, could you spare any change?
Mr. Pibb: Ooh, sorry, don't have any, man.
Dr. Pepper: I only carry plastic.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-01-17 14:12:43 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 252 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1745823 Test Wed, 05 Dec 2007 21:19:16 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1745823 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> HS Senior College Senior Showered roughly every other day Shower on average 2-3 times a week Went to school every day Go to class two days a week Couldn't cook Can make PB&J sandwich, eggs, and Chef Boyardee Watched cartoons on TV Watch cartoons on internet Bought nudie mags Watch free trailers online Found burps, farts, and injury funny. Findburps,farts,injury,vomit, fecal matter, racism, homophobia, obesepeople,fetishes,sexism,handicapped people, and poverty funny Had no girlfriend; did not understand female mind Have a girlfriend; do not understand female mind
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1745482 Are You Tired of Leaving Women Unfulfilled? Fri, 30 Nov 2007 18:12:37 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1745482 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> All the girls are lying to you when they say you satisfy them!

Are you tired of sending girl after girl home unsatisfied and upset? Well then we here at SATISFATIX have the quick, one-pill-a-day solution for you!

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"Before PERSONALIA, I couldn't get a girl to save my life! But now, I'm being brought home to meet a new girl's parents four times a week!"

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"Our dating life had been reduced to movie dates, nights at home watching Leno and Conan, and rampant, unbridledsex to fill in the awkward silences. But now, thanks to PERSONALIA, all we do is talk and enojoy each other's comapny!"

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"Women used to love me because of my rumored manhood, but now women love me because of my drug-induced personality!"

Don't be the last man on your block to try PERSONALIA, call us now!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1745435 A Conversation With THIS GUY!!!! Thu, 29 Nov 2007 19:58:14 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1745435 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Hey man, how're you doing?
Who's got two thumbs and is having a great time?
Uh? Well, I guess everyone at this party-
THIS GUY!!!!
Oh? haha! That's pretty funny. Good one!
Who's got two thumbs and is thankful?
Umm? the pilgrims?
THIS GUY!!!!
Oh, uh, you're welcome. So, pretty great party, right?
Who's got two thumbs and is at-
At a great party?
-a great party?
You?
THIS GUY!!!!
Right. Anyway, I'm having a great time, too, but this music is kind of lousy.
Who's got two ears and doesn't really care very much for this DJ's taste in music?
Yeah, glad we agree.
THIS GUY!!!!
You betcha. But, hey, can't argue with two kegs, right?
Who's got two cups of beer and is already eight deep?
Right.
THIS G-
Yeah, this guy, got it.
THIS GUY!!!!
Ihopethat redhead from our Stat class is here, I think I saw some ofherfriends earlier. Speaking of Stat, how'd you do on that exam today?
Who's got a tutor and is still failing?
I don't know, but I think I can guess.
THIS GUY!!!!
Way to go. I bet you're proud.
Who's got an academic probation and can't seem to pass a class?
?
THIS GUY!!!!
Yeah? Anyway, it looks like Beer Pong just opened up, you want to hop on?
Who's got-
Yes or no, man.
Who's got-
I'm not going to play with you is you keep asking me that.
Who's got mad beer pong skills and went to the National Championships last year?
Nevermind, let's go.
THIS GUY!!!!
Sure. Hey! Hey man, can we get on here? Anybody in line? No? Cool. Let's go, dude.
Who's got six empty cups and needs a pitcher of beer?
We do. Ah, here it is. Fill 'em up man.
THIS GUY!!!!
Son of a... Yeah, ok, you do, man. Just fill up your three, and I'll fill up mine, ok?
Who's got a serious thirst and wants some beer?
Damn it, just fill up your cups!
THIS GUY!!!!
Fine, I'll fill them up.
Who's got a full bladder and needs to take a pee first?
Who's got two fists and seriously wants to kick your ass?
This... guy?
THIS GUY!!!!

View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />