CollegeHumor: Comments by Kyle http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787836 Five Quotes People Should Really Stop Using Fri, 17 Jul 2009 14:01:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787836 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
"I do say, there shall be no tomfoolery while I'm on the stand."
1. "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among stars!" - Les Brown
 
Let's get this popular piece of crap out of the way first, because you know what? Fuck your stars. If I wanted stars, I'd be aiming for stars. I aimed for the moon. And I'm certainly not about to let you bait and switch my life ambitions with some vague celestial analogy. How about something more realistic like "Shoot for the moon and prepare to be encompassed by crushing darkness when you miss." or "Shoot for the treetops and while you're up there, can you check the roof for your brother's Frisbee?" This quote has probably been poetically scrawled in at least half of the classrooms of your childhood and does nothing but encourage acceptance of your inevitable life failures.

2. "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." - Your Parents/Guidance Counselor
Oh really? Let's play out this recommendation in real life. Let's say the job I want is that of an eccentric billionaire...and the job I have is lifeguarding at the local pool. Well I gotta tell you, it's going to be increasingly difficult to tread water in this three piece suit and top hat. See, the problem with this stupid quote is that it assumes the job you have is somewhere in the realm of the job you want. But assuming your goal in life is not to become manager at whatever depressing hourly wage job you're stuck at this summer, dressing for the job you actually want is more likely to get you fired than promoted. They're not coming to the strip club to see you dressed as a kindergarten teacher. Wait. Nevermind, bad example...
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1745270"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/5/collegehumor.d6d633329d67c3bcecc4e765cb8b517f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-17 14:01:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1745270">Marina Cockenberg</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 278 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1905675 C3 Sun, 29 Mar 2009 23:17:18 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1905675 C3 nonadult comedy 3rd floor, Clevenger Hall, LaFollette Complex, Ball State University, Muncie, Indiana. 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Better. piano, toy store, talent, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1912358"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/c/collegehumor.a5d2623ee2daff13d614026c2138a15b.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 273 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1912246 Post Game Luv Tue, 26 May 2009 12:20:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1912246 Post Game Luv nonadult comedy "Mayne, this is part 2 of my Chicago bulls Experience. This was a lot of fun for real." - Mr Chi City Mr Chi City, Basketball, Sports, Chicago Bulls, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1912246"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/b/collegehumor.70292030daffee4f0b897eabbce6100f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1784736">Mr Chi-City</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 97 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1911833 Lebron James: Mathematical Genius Thu, 21 May 2009 11:53:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1911833 Lebron James: Mathematical Genius nonadult comedy Proof that mathematicians make the best basketball players. Provided they're also extremely talented athletes, of course. 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Or so he thinks. ch originals, prank war, prank war 7, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1902812"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/a/collegehumor.13cac0eff806d0a6b0f5947a6ee04e4f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 6769 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1895627 Groundbreaking Moment in Cinema Sat, 03 Jan 2009 14:45:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1895627 Groundbreaking Moment in Cinema nonadult comedy Best Screenplay. Best Actor. Best Editing. This movie will not win any of the above. acting, bad movie, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1895627"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/2/collegehumor.b70f72eb24ba737e996d0ef2725402d2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 271 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1767622 I Like My Women Like... Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1767622 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Don't be hating on me, but sometimes at work I end up with too much time on my hands. My mind begins to wander, first to things like money and sex, then to things like bigfoot and aliens, which quickly progresses to bigfoot sex and alien hookers...but today I drank an AMP...so when my brain struck a vein of thought...it went haywire, and this was the product.


I Like My Women Like...

My Coffee. Hot, strong and black

My Chai Latte. Fake, sweet and milky.

My Cannoli. Italian and full of cream.

My Hand Soap. Bubbly and in the kitchen.

My Morning Breath. There and gone by 8 am.

My Fishing Pole. A flexible, strung hooker.

My Computer. Fast, cheap and willing to let me watch porn.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1860832"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/5/collegehumor.746e5fb25691ce3d62c7771566bb33c0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-12-23 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1860832">BLAMB!</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 92 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1765879 The Weekly WYR: December 18th Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1765879 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, submit it at the bottom of this or any WYR article.

Would You Rather...

  • Have no sense of direction, or have no sense of time? From Andy
  • Post this WYR, or have me send it 100 times next week? From John
  • Have Luke's Lightsaber, or Marty's hoverboard? From Zach
  • Have armpit sex, or have back-of-the-knee sex? From Willy
  • Have your dick freeze off, or have it melt off? From sean
  • Be the greatest break dancer, or the greatest freestyle rapper? From Gregory
  • Travel to any time in history for a week, or hang out with any modern celebrity for a week? From Chris
  • Have your 2 favorite movies on TV, or nothing at all? From Luke
  • Be a Smurf, or Keebler Elf? From Chuck

Finally, this week's winner of the They're On To Us Award is Grown Ass, who sent in this.

  • Be the first black guy to work for CH or continue to pretend you dont notice? From Grown Ass

Don't panic, let's just fire everyone that works here.

If you have a good WYR, submit it here.
Check back every Friday to see if yours made the cut.

View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/1/collegehumor.2618616bb5cffc06c7d7b8216893ee97.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-12-18 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298">Jake Hurwitz</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:55"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1893373 40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:48:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1893373 40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes nonadult comedy For the scrappy underdog in all of us. inspirational, montage, speech, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1893373"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/7/collegehumor.dcdb5cf6cc5f59a777472447f5829fe5.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1606957">Matthew Belinkie</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2419 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891607 Jake and Amir: Workshop Thu, 27 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891607 Jake and Amir: Workshop nonadult comedy A bad carpenter blames his tools. A good carpenter, blames the bad carpenter. CH Originals, jake and amir, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891607"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/2/collegehumor.112be39b9b37f4e90aabce62802c1b36.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1835268">Jake and Amir</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 943 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891492 Jake and Amir: Internship Mon, 24 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891492 Jake and Amir: Internship nonadult comedy There's no such thing as an unpaid internship. Unless you don't even get paid with experience. jake and amir, CH Originals, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891492"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/c/collegehumor.5aa30f695630d3221898af5c43e9e129.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1835268">Jake and Amir</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 777 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891492 Jake and Amir: Internship Mon, 24 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891492 Jake and Amir: Internship nonadult comedy There's no such thing as an unpaid internship. Unless you don't even get paid with experience. jake and amir, CH Originals, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891492"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/c/collegehumor.5aa30f695630d3221898af5c43e9e129.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1835268">Jake and Amir</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 777 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891492 Jake and Amir: Internship Mon, 24 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891492 Jake and Amir: Internship nonadult comedy There's no such thing as an unpaid internship. Unless you don't even get paid with experience. jake and amir, CH Originals, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891492"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/c/collegehumor.5aa30f695630d3221898af5c43e9e129.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1835268">Jake and Amir</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 777 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1764897 If Third Graders Used Juicy Campus Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1764897 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:833550"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/9/collegehumor.ec51e537b16eb322f20c9bb955e32ca9.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-17 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:833550">Pat Stansik</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1126"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 105 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />