CollegeHumor: Comments by Susanna Wolff http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789071 Pop Culture CliffsNotes: July 31st Fri, 31 Jul 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789071 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Megan Fox is still hot. And she's still saying really weird stuff. Let's focus on the part about her being hot though. (Popoholic, Celebslam)

You know who else is still hot? Ali Larter's butt. It's so hot that it decided it needed to go outside and get a little air. But, ugh, the paparazzi was there to interrupt it. God, being a celebrity butt is such a pain in the ass. Just ask Oliva Wilde's. (Egotastic, Popoholic)

Calling all nerds! Oliva Munn just made your day. The only thing that could have made this more Comic-Con Sexy is if she were also doing a reading of her erotic Stargate: SG-1 fanfiction and giving out free Claritin. (Egotastic)

Not nerdy enough for you? This should do the trick. I have a theory that all nerds love Jennifer Connelly. What's not to love? She's got that kind of mom-ish voice and she's super hot, but not so hot that those pictures of the two of you that you Photoshopped look totally ridiculous. She's got the perfect 2:1 realistic/fantastic ratio. Don't get me wrong though; you're never going to sleep with her. (Egotastic)

You're never going to sleep with this person either. I have no idea who she is, but she's doing the crab walk in lingerie and high heels, so you do the math. (Derekhail)

You know who just got a lot more dateable? Camilla Belle. She is back on the market and, hell, you might even have a shot with her. She's been dating a virgin for months. (D-listed)

Reggie Bush, on the other hand, has been dating the complete opposite of a virgin, but that relationship is also over. When will the heartbreak end?! (Celebridiot)

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you guys, according to Gisele Bundchen, the new fashion trend for Winter is Flasher-Chique. Finally! (Popoholic)
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-31 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 27 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776235 Pop Culture CliffsNotes: May 22nd Fri, 22 May 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776235 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Gisele Bundchen in bikinis? (Ladies, pretend to see similarities to your own body. Guys, you're not reading this anymore.) (Egotastic)

Now that you've gotten a taste of the good stuff, let's take a step back and appreciate the more subtle glimpses of boobs and butts the world of celebrity gossip has to offer. Here is Emma Watson's boob (sort of) and Natalie Portman's butt (sort of). I bet you're (sort of) psyched right now. (Egotastic)

That was nice, right? Kind of furtive and delicate? Totally. But thank God that's not all I've got to show you. Here is a little bit more butt courtesy of Ms. Eliza Dusku and that show about Dollhouses that you probably don't watch. Still not the whole butt because, you know, we're in a recession, but butt's butt. (Popoholic)

Also, here are some wet, bathtub boobs courtesy of Mischa Barton. The pictures look like screen caps from a movie, but that can't be right. Who is still casting Mischa Barton in movies? (Egotastic)

I only know two things about this person: she's mostly naked on a table of milkshakes and she has the sluttiest name ever. Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof. Yikes. When you name your daughter that, you have to know she's going to end up lying mostly nude on a table covered in milkshakes and not conducting brain surgery. (Celebridiot)
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-22 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 28 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1764755 Parents Just Don't Understand: 11/11 Tue, 11 Nov 2008 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1764755 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they use words like "MyFace," "SpaceBook," or "The World Wide Web?"

If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, submit it here!
And thank God we'll never be as dumb as they are!

Your parents' GameCube.
My parents recently went to Europe for a retirement vacation. They came back so surprised to tell me that Europe had internet. I asked why they thought that it wouldn't and they replied, "Because its called AMERICA Online."
steven davis, U of South Carolina


My mom is convinced that every time her cell phone battery meter loses a bar, that she will automatically get poor reception because it cant "pull the beams in as strongly."
Nick M, MIZZOU

My mom emailed me with the subject line "Please email me back ASAP" to let me know she had learned now to text.
N A

Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-11 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 135 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1762529 Pop Culture Cliffs Notes Fri, 26 Sep 2008 14:16:31 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1762529 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> five totally unfunny non-celebrities to host and, guess what: the show was five times crappier. Math is silly.
At least there were still chicks in low-cut dresses there. (Egotastic)

Here's some shocking news: Clay Aiken is gay. Can you believe it? That pasty, song-boy ginger is a homosexual! What's the word I'm looking for? Oh, right: duh! (DListed)

Was that news too gay and obvious for you? Well what about this: Lindsay Lohan kind of sort of officially came out of the closet on a radio show. That's right. THE Lindsay Lohan, the one who has been seen about town buying groceries, eating brunch, and doing other gay stuff with Sam Ronson, is a lesbian. The only piece of information I found surprising in this whole story is that Samantha Ronson is 31. She doesn't look a day past puberty. (WWTDD)
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-09-26 14:16:31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 15 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1762192 Caption Contest: 9/18 Thu, 18 Sep 2008 11:57:50 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1762192 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
RULES: Submit your one best caption as a comment. No replies. No retries. Keep reading to vote on last week's best...
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-09-18 11:57:50 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 11 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760772 Whoop De Doo Mon, 18 Aug 2008 17:27:47 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760772 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> While discussing the Olympics at work one day, Susanna expressed her belief that the Olympics and all the athletes involved - our world's most finely-tuned sportsmen - were just wasting their time.Naturally,we decided she should be our official Olympic correspondent.Let's see how she'll belittle the efforts of so many incredible athletes today!

My God, this Olympics business takes forever.

We've had more than a week of competition and guess what: most of the people competing have lost. Even the silver medalists are still just first place losers. Usually the races are so close that the runners up might still be able to feel good about themselves, but every once in a while a special race comes along that really must crush the spirits of those who didn't come in first.

I am, of course, talking about the seemingly effortless victory of Usain Bolt. Let's review the facts: his name is Bolt, he won by a lot even though his last few strides had to share their energy with a true winner's preemptive celebration, oh, and his shoe was untied.

What's that Olympic saying again? It's not the triumph, but the struggle?

Not for Mr. Bolt.
View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-08-18 17:27:47 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 12 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760663 Fun for the Whole Family! Fri, 15 Aug 2008 17:06:41 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760663 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> While discussing the Olympics at work one day, Susanna expressed her belief that the Olympics and all the athletes involved - our world's most finely-tuned sportsmen - were just wasting their time.Naturally,we decided she should be our official Olympic correspondent.Let's see how she'll belittle the efforts of so many incredible athletes today!

In light of Nastia Liukin's gold medal win, I think I will use today's Olympic Round-Up to examine a specific subset of Olympians: the Olympic parents.

There seem to be two kinds:

The proud, doting, appropriately anxious, but distanced fan parent, a.k.a. the Mrs. Phelps. She sits in the stands. She's tense when he's behind (or, as is more likely, when one of his teammates seems to be behind). She's jubilant when he's ahead. And, win or lose, she gives a hug and a kiss and just seems all-around psyched to be there.



Then there's the other kind, the ex-Olympian who's seeking to make up for his personal losses and All-Around regrets by getting his kid to win a gold medal instead. What do we call that kind of over-bearing, too close, stress-inducing parent? Valeri Liukin.

It's got to be scary enough having an ex-Soviet gymnast as your coach, but if he's also your dad, jeez. Surgeons aren't allowed to operate on their kids. Permanently disappointed athletes probably shouldn't be allowed to coach their kids. It's not because the quality of the training is worse, but because having your dad make you do incredibly dangerous things while you're not wearing pants has got to leave a weird vibe at the dinner table.

I will say one thing though; this picture is going to make an awesome Liukin Family Christmas card.
View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-08-15 17:06:41 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 15 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760598 Caption Contest Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:35:03 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760598 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> While discussing the Olympics at work one day, Susanna expressed herbelief that the Olympics and all the athletes involved - our world'smost finely-tuned sportsmen - were just wasting their time. Naturally,we decided she should be our official Olympic correspondent. Let's seehow she'll belittle the efforts of so many incredible athletes today!
At this moment she's trying to remember the name of the blond boy on Step By Step

I have discovered my favorite thing about the Olympics: the announcers.

If you haven't noticed, I love hating stuff and I really hate the announcers. Ergo, the announcers are the best.

They seem normal enough during events like swimming and your other basic race scenarios. They narrate enthusiastically (still feigning interest in all this "record breaking") and mix in little tidbits of information here and there. This all seems like standard announcer stuff. And then something happens that changes normal, appropriately humble announcers into loquacious nut-jobs with microphones and god complexes. The gymnastic events start.

As soon as those leotarded children walk into the gymnasium, some switch is flipped in the announcers' heads that makes them believe that they not only have the right to categorize certain gymnastic routines as "simple," but also that they are, of course, completely omniscient.

They're not just narrating the apparent events of the night. They are narrating the internal monologues and emotional reactions of each gymnast even though they in no way have the power to do that.

Then again, this stuff is happening in China. So they may very well have figured out how to read minds.

If that's the case, I don't want to hear about how bad the American gymnasts feel when they mess up something as simple as keeping their backs straight while flipping between the uneven bars. I want to know what's going on in Pang Jiaying's mind.
View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-08-14 17:35:03 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 17 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759366 The Reason It Would Not Be Cool to Be Clark Kent in July Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:34:24 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759366 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Drawing by Mr. Caldwell Tanner
View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-21 11:34:24 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 28 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756958 Mom, Cell Phones Don't Have Dial Tones Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:30:44 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756958 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they even know what a text message is?

If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, send it to parentsjustdontunderstand (at) gmail.com. And, hey, if we publish it, send your parents a link. They probably won't understand what it is.
Because they're stupid.
Your parents' Flickr.

I recently got this email from my grandma:
Subject: "yes i want to your friend @ my space"
Body: "Nate I need help to work with my space. love, grandma."
Nate is my cousin.
From Aaron, Chico State

My dad gives his friends on facebook his user name and password so they can log onto his account and look at his pictures. He also double clicks on links.
From E

My grandmother just bought my brother a new flat screen TV and after Ifinished hooking it up she said, "Oh no, I forgot to ask the man at thestore if it was color."
From Thomas
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-10 14:30:44 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 87 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754826 Dear Person Who Got #1 in the Housing Lottery, Thu, 08 May 2008 10:51:50 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754826 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-08 10:51:50 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 77 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754672 "How Do I Rewind the DVD?" Tue, 06 May 2008 12:18:12 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754672 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they even know what a text message is?

If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, send it to parentsjustdontunderstand (at) gmail.com. And, hey, if we publish it, send your parents a link. They probably won't understand what it is.
Those dumb bastards.
Your parents' social networking.

My grandmother called me up and said that the arrow on her screen wasn't working. I asked if she had plugged in her mouse and she told me she had plugged BOTH in. She thought you needed one for your right hand and one for your left.
From Liz, SUNY Stony Brook

My mom thought that Mozilla Firefox was a computer virus.
From Will, College of Charleston
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-06 12:18:12 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 84 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754293 If the Real World Used Textbook Buy-Back Policies Thu, 01 May 2008 15:12:32 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754293 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Buyer: I'll give you $5,000 for it.
Homeowner: Are you crazy? I just paid $100,000 for it in January. Haven't you heard of value appreciation?
Buyer: All I'm hearing is that your house is used.
Homeowner: Hardly. I spent like 2 days there in March and then 6 hours yesterday. This house is in perfect condition.
Buyer: Oh yeah, what's this note above the backdoor?
Homeowner: It says, "Low door. Mind your head."
Buyer: Low door, huh?
Homeowner: Yeah, but that's not a problem. It's just a feature of the house. It's supposed to be like that. That's just a helpful note in case people didn't notice the height of the door.
Buyer: It sullies the whole house. The whole house is crap because of that note!
Homeowner: What are you talking about? This isn't even a pretty house.
Buyer: So you admit it!
Homeowner: Yeah. It's a stupid looking house on a boring block, but people still want to buy it. Haven't you heard of supply and demand?
Buyer: Nope. And I'm not going to give you more than $5,000 for this dump. That's just policy.
Homeowner: What are you talking about? What policy?
Buyer: Just policy.
Homeowner: Well, maybe I won't sell it to you. Who knows, I might need this house in the future. It's got pretty cool...faucets. I might want to use those. Ugh, fine. Give me the stupid 5 grand.
Buyer: Great doing business with you.
Ex-Buyer: Attention, all prospective buyers! Who wants to buy this fantastic, mint-condition home for $90,000?
Ex-Homeowner: What?!
Ex-Buyer: Sucker.
View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-01 15:12:32 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 181 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753154 They Think They Know, But They Have No Idea Tue, 15 Apr 2008 09:20:33 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753154 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurdtext messages? Do they even know what a text message is?

If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, send it to parentsjustdontunderstand (at) gmail.com. And, hey, if we publish it, send your parents a link. They probably won't understand what it is.

This week's theme is Somtimes It's Funnier When They Think They Understand:

I was in Best Buy with my dad and he was looking at computers with little to no knowledge about them. A sales rep walks up and said, "Hi, can I help you find something?" and my dad asked, "Does this computer come with Google?"
From Sweeney, CL

I was playing Guitar Hero at a friend's house and his dad asked if he could play. So we give him the guitar and then after he searched through the song list, he asked, "Where's soldier boy?"
From Mesh D
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-15 09:20:33 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 117 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750344 How to Get a Girl Online Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:12:40 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750344 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> First off, don't just spontaneously friend request some girl from your Facebook network and really don't just go randomly friending people on MySpace, you outdated pervert. The only way you can non-creepily get a girl through free, non-Match.com, online pursuits is if you have previously met her in person--met and spoken to her in person. Seriously, stop being so creepy.

Ok, so you met your girl, but, for whatever reason, you didn't actually get her then. All is not lost. 2-3 days--depending on how much you spoke--after your first meeting, you friend request your girl with a personal message that includes some reference to your previous conversation (i.e. "Did you ever figure out how to solve that math problem?" [If you're an effing loser.] Or, "The name of the guy who played the body of Darth Vader in the original Star Wars trilogy is David Prowse, in case you were still wondering." [If you're awesome.])
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-02-26 17:12:40 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 77 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750344 How to Get a Girl Online Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:12:40 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750344 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> First off, don't just spontaneously friend request some girl from your Facebook network and really don't just go randomly friending people on MySpace, you outdated pervert. The only way you can non-creepily get a girl through free, non-Match.com, online pursuits is if you have previously met her in person--met and spoken to her in person. Seriously, stop being so creepy.

Ok, so you met your girl, but, for whatever reason, you didn't actually get her then. All is not lost. 2-3 days--depending on how much you spoke--after your first meeting, you friend request your girl with a personal message that includes some reference to your previous conversation (i.e. "Did you ever figure out how to solve that math problem?" [If you're an effing loser.] Or, "The name of the guy who played the body of Darth Vader in the original Star Wars trilogy is David Prowse, in case you were still wondering." [If you're awesome.])
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-02-26 17:12:40 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 77 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750134 What "Step Up 2: The Streets" Taught Me Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:56:59 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750134 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
1. Back-flips are cool. Really really cool.

2. In New York City, movie tickets cost $11.25. In Baltimore, people (supposedly) dance for free on the streets.

3. The streets is about where you're from. I thought they were about where you're going.

4. In order to avoid bringing down the awesomeness of your film with the consistently problematic nature of race relations in American society, have an Asian character that we can all laugh at.

5. This movie was written by someone named Karen. Apparently, people named Karen write movies about inner-city break-dancing communities. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

6. You should, however, judge a movie by its poster.

Did any of you guys see "Step Up 2: The Streets?" It's ok, you can tell me. I won't judge you. At least, I won't judge you any more than I judge myself. Join me in the comments section, won't you? We'll get through our shame together.
View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-02-21 13:56:59 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750134 What "Step Up 2: The Streets" Taught Me Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:56:59 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750134 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
1. Back-flips are cool. Really really cool.

2. In New York City, movie tickets cost $11.25. In Baltimore, people (supposedly) dance for free on the streets.

3. The streets is about where you're from. I thought they were about where you're going.

4. In order to avoid bringing down the awesomeness of your film with the consistently problematic nature of race relations in American society, have an Asian character that we can all laugh at.

5. This movie was written by someone named Karen. Apparently, people named Karen write movies about inner-city break-dancing communities. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

6. You should, however, judge a movie by its poster.

Did any of you guys see "Step Up 2: The Streets?" It's ok, you can tell me. I won't judge you. At least, I won't judge you any more than I judge myself. Join me in the comments section, won't you? We'll get through our shame together.
View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-02-21 13:56:59 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747883 I Just Don't Get Drunk Wed, 09 Jan 2008 16:48:26 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747883 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Listen, I'M NOT DRUNK. AND I'M NOT SHOUTING. It's just really loud in here. And this juice, man, there's just something about the Tropicana Some Pulp Tropical Blend that gets me GOING. Probably the infusion of pineapple. Can you add a bit more vodka here, buddy.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. What?

Yeah I know I just tripped. It's because this place is a f*cking dump. What are you thinking leaving a--what is this--a piece of RIBBON on the carpet?! COME ON, I could have died!
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-01-09 16:48:26 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 115 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1744481 2007/08 Power Rankings Released Tue, 13 Nov 2007 16:15:45 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1744481 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> CollegeHumor.com/Rankings and check them out. Or, you could click on this blue colored text. And if none of that works for you, click the image below.


PS. This year's Power Rankings were sponsored by our friends at G4's Attack of the Show.
View Article
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-11-13 16:15:45 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />