Adam's Articles

Guy: Ok, you got it?

Girlfriend: Yea.

Guy: Ok, is it big?

Girlfriend: No.

Guy: Are you sure? I mean; it's relatively big, right?

Girlfriend: No, it's about the same size as all the others.

Guy: So it's above average?

Girlfriend: No. It's smaller.

Guy: What!? How many have you seen?

Girlfriend: I've pretty much seen every kind.

Guy: Oh my god! You slut.

Girlfriend: What?

Guy: The one you're thinking of is the best you've seen though, right?

Girlfriend: I like it the best.

Guy: Alright, that's a relief.

Girlfriend: Some people have better though.

So, you and your roommates get along fine, you don't have a job or a girlfriend, and you pray every night for the opportunity to become a legend by sending a story to a submission-based column?

For those of you that don't know, Omegle is a site that lets you anonymously talk to and insult strangers.

For those of you that do know, send those random conversations to IveBeenTalkingToStrangers [at] gmail.com

The Vampire Cult: This cult, by definition, means that they only meet at night. (citation needed) They all wear black clothing with black eyeliner. The cult has a big economic gap straight down the middle, which is easily observable. The rich ones wear black leather while the poor ones look like bus boys. Pros: All the red juice you'll ever want. Cons: The more involved you are the more nocturnal you become.

The Parkour Cult: Parkour, or Free-Running, is a cult that generally only meets at night and then just runs around doing flips and handstands on park benches and slow moving people. Pros: You'll get in shape really fast. Cons: Cramps, sprained ankles, shin splints, and countless groin injuries will all most likely occur, plus if you fall they keep running without you. They stop for no man.

It's Ecstasy: This is probably what it is according to most movies where a chick hands a guy a pill in a bar. You take the pill, and you start feeling awesome and if you keep hanging out with this chick you'll probably hook up with her. If she ditches you you'll probably be mugged. Stay hydrated and you'll be all right.

It's a Roofie: Well if you're a hot chick I would recommend never taking a pill from any creepy looking guy, no matter how much they stress that, "It's certainly not a roofie." 9 times out of 10 this guy is lying.
Guys on the other hand, yea you may die from a roofie, but if this chick is hot, I mean, and she's trying to rape you; that would be an awesome story and in my opinion: worth it.

It's Tamiflu: Swine Flu is a big concern lately and who knows? Maybe she's a pharmacist and she walks around raves treating people. Now, this pill is more commonly in a pill shape and has yellow on half of it, while ecstasy more often then not has a picture of something you'd see on a pair of Claire's earrings.

It's Birth Control: Well, for starters, that chick is probably a man; and you either are a woman or look frighteningly so like one. Either way that man/chick is a weirdo, so 9 out of 10 cases of this happening the best thing you can do is to just run far away.