You have 'til the count of three to come down from that coffee table, mister. What happens at three is a mystery to you. I could spank you, I suppose. Three swift smacks to the bottom, you run crying to your room, and ten minutes later you've forgotten everything that happened. Feel lucky if you are spanked. You won't get spanked, though. Perhaps something telekinetic happens at three. Do you know that word, telekinetic? It means that Santa might find out you've been bad and you'll receive inferior toys for Christmas. Orphanage toys. You know, board games that involve spelling, things carved out of wood, yo-yo's. No Nintendo Wii after three, one might say.

Now consider this: What if someone you love is directly affected by your actions? Imagine standing on the coffee table, then, without warning, Snuffleupagus decides to sit on Big Bird's head. His cranium collapses and confetti flies everywhere, because puppets have confetti instead of brains. Wouldn't that be a shame? Kevy Wevy is too stubborn to come down from the table and, well, bye bye birdie. Gordon will be crying, Grover will be crying, Telly will be crying. Guy Smiley will choke back tears while delivering the report on their preposterous puppet news show. All will be sad. Will people want to be your friend when you go back to school on Monday? Hardly. Where will your little mutinous spirit be when you have to play with the leg brace kid at recess?

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Jason Michaels is the Virgin Mobile Summer Intern. Read his blog HERE

Pants on Floor: Oh God, did you see what Mike brought in last night?

Shirt on Floor: Oh god, I barely made it in the room before those fake nails of hers tore me off so hard my zipper nearly broke off. I still smell like a Bacardi Breezer.

Pants on Floor: I just wish Mike would start getting with a girl whose clothes can have a conversation, not these bus station quality sluts. Like that girl he was dating for a few months. She was great, nothing but tasteful sweaters and khaki pants.

Shirt on Floor: Shhh he's coming!

(Mike walks in from shower, singing and talking to himself)

Mike: Somethin something somethin she's just bein Miiiiiley... What to wear, what to wear tonight. Hmm... I heard there's something going on at the frats.

Attitude T-Shirt: Yes, it's my time to shine baby! The world will remember Anchorman quotes once again! You ready, Cheap Stars and Stripes Hat Mike Bought at Walmart?

America Hat: Hell yea bra, I am ready to make some sort of vague, possibly ironic statement about patriotism. Or something.

(Mike gets off of the phone)

Mike: Hmm...looks the frat party got called off. A few dozen pledges get alcohol poisoning and ruin it for the rest of us. I hope they die in the hospital. Ha.

Sweatpants: Oh well. Looks like you should just stayin tonight. You did go out yesterday, Thursday, Wednesday, and Monday, anyway. Throw me on, grab a Coke, chill.

Sweatshirt: Yeah bud. Relax, watch some Family Guy with us.

Slippers: Ah, who are you kidding, you know the deal. We come out during Midterms for a week straight, come out stained and smelling like shit and go unused until Finals.