Pros:

I could tell you about how you'll suddenly become so successful that Donald Trump would be a contestant on your show, ˜The Apprentice To The Man Who Cleans My Toilet', but that goes without saying.

Maybe I'll just tell you how if and when you do buy mascara, and you do apply it to the hair around your nipples to make them look like eyes, everything you say from then on is recorded and then placed in a deluxe hard cover novel and the first edition series would sell for half a mil. Also very important, you gain the power to take the Glaceau VitaminWater brand ˜Essential' flavor and turn it into a drink that actually tastes good and not like shit-vomit.

Cons: Your nipples won't actually be functional eyes. Also, low self-esteem and you may begin to question your sexuality.

In conclusion: Glaceau VitaminWater never actually tried their ˜Essential' flavor before releasing it to gas stations around the world.

Adorable

Pros

1. Chicks will not be able to resist your new pet chicken, and by chicks I mean baby chickens, which are adorable. 

2. You can hypnotize it for fun; just put its head to the floor and draw a line in the ground outward from its beak.

3. Eggs.

4. You can chase it around for fun.

Cons

1. When you get drunk you'll probably start shooting it with your BB gun.

2. Chicks will think you are a cruel hearted weirdo; and by chicks I mean both kinds.

3. You'll wake up one morning to find it dead, because they're dumb and they drown themselves in the rain. Or you accidently forgot to feed it.

In Conclusion

If you have the option I'd go with a pet giraffe, that way you can pet it while sitting on your roof. Unless by habit when you get drunk you shoot things with your BB gun. In that case I'd say go with the chicken, because I'm sure you can take an angry chicken, but a giraffe would squash you like a goombah. 

Girlfriend: Yea.

Guy: Ok, is it big?

Girlfriend: No.

Guy: Are you sure? I mean; it's relatively big, right?

Girlfriend: No, it's about the same size as all the others.

Guy: So it's above average?

Girlfriend: No. It's smaller.

Guy: What!? How many have you seen?

Girlfriend: I've pretty much seen every kind.

Guy: Oh my god! You slut.

Girlfriend: What?

Guy: The one you're thinking of is the best you've seen though, right?

Girlfriend: I like it the best.

Guy: Alright, that's a relief.

Girlfriend: Some people have better though.

For those of you that don't know, Omegle is a site that lets you anonymously talk to and insult strangers.

For those of you that do know, send those random conversations to IveBeenTalkingToStrangers [at] gmail.com

The Parkour Cult: Parkour, or Free-Running, is a cult that generally only meets at night and then just runs around doing flips and handstands on park benches and slow moving people. Pros: You'll get in shape really fast. Cons: Cramps, sprained ankles, shin splints, and countless groin injuries will all most likely occur, plus if you fall they keep running without you. They stop for no man.

It's a Roofie: Well if you're a hot chick I would recommend never taking a pill from any creepy looking guy, no matter how much they stress that, "It's certainly not a roofie." 9 times out of 10 this guy is lying.
Guys on the other hand, yea you may die from a roofie, but if this chick is hot, I mean, and she's trying to rape you; that would be an awesome story and in my opinion: worth it.

It's Tamiflu: Swine Flu is a big concern lately and who knows? Maybe she's a pharmacist and she walks around raves treating people. Now, this pill is more commonly in a pill shape and has yellow on half of it, while ecstasy more often then not has a picture of something you'd see on a pair of Claire's earrings.

It's Birth Control: Well, for starters, that chick is probably a man; and you either are a woman or look frighteningly so like one. Either way that man/chick is a weirdo, so 9 out of 10 cases of this happening the best thing you can do is to just run far away.

After; I waited in line for about 5 hours for the ride, "Death Jump." Here's where things got weird. Installers removed a critical piece of the track without stopping the ride, so the next train that went flew off the track and exploded in mid-air.

Death Count: 20

T-shirt- This item will cover the top half of your body. It can have pictures on it. I have one with the Tasmanian Devil holding a basketball. I also have one that is just blank.

Pants- Pants cover the bottom half of your body. There are many different varieties of pants. There are Kakis, Jeans, Sweatpants, and Dress Pants.
I recommend Jeans. They mostly come in blue, but you can get black ones too. Pair this up with the t-shirt and you are already looking spiffy!

Shoes- Use these so you don't have to walk around barefoot. They come in all different colors and shapes, although they mostly come in the shape of a foot*. A nice combo is a pair of red shoes with blue jeans and a red t-shirt. This is what they call "matching" but that's later on.
*Note: I highly recommend wearing socks with your shoes

Shorts- As the name implies- these are just short pants. They are a much better option if you plan on going outdoors in the heat* (I'll get into specifics about the weather and clothing later on).
There are many different types of shorts. There are Cargos, Basketball shorts, Regular Shorts, and Jean Shorts. Cargos are good for carrying stuff, like a knife. Basketball shorts are good for running around in.
*Note: Make sure you take off your pants before wearing shorts for them to be effective.

Matching (advanced users only!)- Matching is when all of your clothing share a common color. But matching looks good up to a point and then looks bad. I recommend watching reality television for some outfit ideas.

One last piece of advise: When in doubt, where black or white!

It's getting late and the guild awaits
I.M. me when the boys get here
It's seven o'clock and I'm all caps-lock
Want to level up my Sonic Spear

My Night Elf's stronger than a Carvel full of junkies
And my guild master she don't care
My Night Elf is a brute in his bracers and boots
My Dragon, Maurice, in the air

DON'T GIVE US NONE OF YOUR MODERATION
WE HAD IT WITH YOUR DISCIPLINE
Saturday night's alright for PvP fighting
Invite the other factions in

If the guild gets foiled then well go and train
Gonna set this server alight
`Cause Saturday night's the night I like
Saturday night's alright alright alright

Well I stacked my night elf here tonight
I'm looking for a pally who'll tank the fight
I may use a little magic to get what I need
I may link a little fink and shout out "What a fag!"

A couple of the sound that I really like
Are the sounds of a thorn blade and a dagger strike
I'm a juvenile product who calls girls lass
Whose best friend draws boats in the back of the class

DON'T GIVE US NONE OF YOUR ESTIMATION
WE HAD IT WITH YOUR DISCIPLINE
Saturday night's alright for PvP fighting
Invite the other factions in

If the guild gets foiled then well go and train
Gonna set this server alight
`Cause Saturday night's the night I like
Saturday night's alright alright alright

You read the article and take what it says seriously
It is probably a well written article with many sources and quotations to back it up--

You read the article and don't take what it says seriously
It wasn't.

You read the article and then go cook some eggs
The article was written about eggs. Or not. Eggs are delicious either way.

You read the article and then join the army
The article was snuck onto the site by the government.

You read the article and then realize that the article jumps back and forth from past to present tense like it was written by Dr. Brown.
Did the writer do that purposely so he could write about it later in the article? Who knows?

You read the article and then, as soon as you finish reading it, you get a phone call
The article was written with some heavy black magic. Send $12.99 plus shipping and handling for your own black magic kit.

You read the article and then, on a hunch, sing it to Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" to see if the words fit with the song
Article #30 will be the one that fits in with "Don't Stop Believing". Awww shit no he didn't. Yes he did, my fellow female black readers, yes he did.

You read the article to the end thinking that the writers always sneak in the best jokes for the end of the article, but you are bitterly disappointed
The article is reshaping not only the world, but America as we know it. Damn that joke was F*ing Lame.

The sand in this hourglass is actually jizz. Fact.

Then the first white guy from earlier was talking to this doctor about something. Then the white guy and a different white girl talk. Apparently no one watched this episode and so no one posted a summary on IMDB so I have no clue what I watched. Is the bearded old guy dead? Well, I do know that the days of our lives are similar to an hourglass. They obviously stole this line from the popular song "Just Breathe" by Anna Nalick.

On IMDB the plot keywords are Mother Daughter Relationship, Rumor, Boyfriend Girlfriend Relationship, Family Relation, and Sex. Really NBC? Really? Do your actors and their family even watch this show?

Dear NBC, this show was only interesting in the 1800's when you could either watch this or Gilligan's Island and now there are many other TV show options and this show is like 100 years old and it just feels like a wart on the bottom of your foot in that its easily forgettable unless you accidentally step on it and then it hurts for a little and then you can't get the pain of it out of your head and you're extra careful for the next week not to step on it again until you forget about it.

Let those poor actors just die already, they're tired of being brought into space and flown around at faster than the speed of sound so you can extend their life until the next episode. Seriously, by now the show should be called "Decades of Our Lives."