CollegeHumor Updates by Adam Sharaf

How Different Majors React To Seeing Road Kill

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Premed- "I wonder what the cause of death was? Looks like head trauma. I think I'll perform the autopsy... where did I leave my scalpel?"

Engineering- "Looks like a car hit this guy. By the amount of damage I'd say it was maybe a 4 door SUV with 4-wheel drive, off-road capabilities. This car should be installed with a small animal collision detector in the front... maybe a scoop devise or something to gently toss the animal out of the way... hmm..."

Film- "This was no accident, this was murder! Who the hell would kill a small animal? They made it look like an accident, but then, right there, it looks like someone performed an autopsy on this little guy! Something strange is going on around here, and I don't like it... Unless this rodent was in fact the killer himself, who went back in time to make this car swerve and hit his past self!"

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Sep 24 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 244 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Ultimate Frisbee

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Sep 23 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 21 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

How My Angry Email Ended My Spam Problem Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> TO: Bong (xmwccvegycwi@yahoo.com)

SUBJECT: Re: Someone in your area has a crush on you!

Dear Spam email sender,

Thats it! I'm sick and tired of your spam emails! I am tired of your deception and will not tolerate your emails any longer! You are cluttering my inbox and are just causing me great anxiety. I will not go to that website or call that number. I can't even read what that bottom part says.

Sincerely,
Adam

--- On Mon, 1/18/38, Bong wrote:

From: Bong
Subject: Best International on-line pharmacy store
To: mangoprincess@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, January 18, 2038, 10:14 PM

Dear Mangoprincess,

Visit here http://mbwhviof.com

-Phentermin
-Tadalafil Soft Tabs
-Viagra Generic 100mg
-Viagra SoftTabs
-Cialis Generic
-Valium
-Xanax
-Carisoma
-Ambien
-Levitra

This is your chance, don't miss it!

I think there's someone in my office. I hear something. I have to get out of here!

I'VE BEEN STABBED! CALL 911! PLEASE SEND HELP! OH MY GOD IM BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! TELL THE POLICE HE HAS BLACK HAIR HES

im dying. my vusionn id getting fuxxy. rell my wife i lvoe her. forward thos to the policccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Friday, Sep 19 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1762246/ts:33">Be the first!</a> </p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Group Therapy Session for the Children of Celebrities

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Counselor: Hello everyone! Please have a seat... alright fantastic. Now, who would like to go first? Anyone?

Pilot Inspektor: Um... I'll go.

Counselor: Thank you Pilot Inspektor!

Pilot Inspektor: Call me Pilot.

Everyone: Hey Pilot.

Pilot: Hmm, where to start. Well as you all could have guessed I hate Jason.

Counselor: Jason?

Pilot: My father. What the hell is a Pilot Inspector?

(Somewhere in the back): I'd inspect her pilot.

Pilot: Who said that! Who the f*ck said that!! I swear I will tear your balls off!!! AAAAGHGHG!!!

Counselor: Alright that's enough. Everyone thank Pilot Inspektor for sharing

Everyone: Thank you Pilot Inspektor.

Kal-El: Well at least your name's original.

Counselor: Kal-el? Is that you?

Kal-El: Yea. Hey everyone.

Everyone: Hey Kal-El.

Kal- El: Ok, so obviously you all know that my whole life as Kal-El Cage has been a huge joke. But the thing I don't understand is why couldn't Nicholas just name me Clark? I mean, even the original Kal-El hates the name Kal-El.

Apple: At least your name is meant for a human.

Kal-El: Actually, Kal-El was a Kryptonian.

Moxie Crimefighter: Hey Kal-El, we should hang out sometime, maybe start a club or something.

Sage Moonblood: Hey guys, can I join?

Moxie Crimefighter: Hell no!!

Sage Moonblood: I hate you!! I'm going to start my own club then, and it'll be so much better than yours!

Moon Unit: I can't decide which group to join...

Counselor: Everyone!! Please! We came here to talk, not to argue.

Fifi Trixibell: WOOF!

Counselor: Fifi! Try to remember you're a human.

Fifi Trixibell: Are you serious!?! F*ck! Are Peaches and Pixie human as well?

Counselor: Yes! You all are human!! All of you!!

Mass panic ensues

Hopper: All of these wasted years as a bunny...

Liberty: All of these wasted years as a bell...

Ocean: All of these wasted years as a giant body of water...

Audio Science: All of these wasted years as a... ... what the f*ck am I?

Mass suicide ensues

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Sep 3 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Conversation With Various Objects Before I Go to a Bar

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Tequila: C'mon Adam, just drink me. I'm so much faster, and I PROMISE this time I won't force myself upon another chicks new $100 dollar shoes. Just drink me.

Beer: Don't listen to him! You're drunk! You've had a ton of beer already. Just go to the bar. Do NOT listen to tequila!!

Hat: Yo bro! Wear me dawg! You won't look like a complete tool, I bromice!

Strawberry Conditioner: He's not going to wear you, hat. He used me today, and his hair smells fabulous!

Nintendo DS: Adam, why the hell do you never take me. All you do is stand in the back anyways. And you know you'd have so much more fun playing Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced A2: Grimoire of the Rift.

Cape: Yea seriously Adam. Why do you only wear me in the apartment! Lets go out! It'll be awesome. If you wear fake teeth we'll totally look like a vampire!!

Computer: F*ck the bar, man. Stay here and stream a movie from one of those websites with me. And then at eleven we have a raid planned with the guild. You don't have time to go out. The bar is f*cking lame.

Necklace: Seriously Adam, what's the point of wearing me if you keep me inside your shirt. I can't dazzle if you don't meet me halfway.

Listerine: Did somebody say dazzle?!?

Toothpaste: Shut up Listerine, you suck.

Beer: What are you DOING!! Put tequila down! Goddammit!!

Tequila: That's my dawg! Yea! Now you're f*cked up! Hey! Let's just- uh... We should run to the bar! Oh my god how awesome would that be?!? Don't think just go!

Wallet: HEY!!! Come BACK!! YOU FORGOT ME!! Ugh, What an idiot! Oh well, he'll be back; he always comes back for me.

Pants: You're an asshole, tequila.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Friday, Aug 15 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 46 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Christopher Nolan in Ten Years

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

Click To Enlarge

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Aug 4 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 69 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

6 Traffic Signs and What They REALLY Mean

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

Apply slight pressure to the break petal while quickly glancing in both directions.

Check for cops, then U-turn.

You're most likely lost or about to die.

No f*cking clue, just ignore it.

Heaven

It means pedestrians crossing, but they're watching out for you, so you have nothing to worry about. Just ignore it.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Jul 24 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Interview With Commercial Catch Phrase Guy

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Adam: Hey Commercial Catch Phrase Guy, or can I call you CCPG? How are you?

CCPG: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.

Adam: That's great! Say, I heard you're great at magic! Mind showing me a trick?

At 4 in the morning

CCPG: Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.

Adam: Dude, I'm only 19... come on...

CCPG: Don't get mad, get glad

Adam: What do you mean?

CCPG: Are you gellin?

Adam: What?

CCPG: Can you hear me now?

Adam: Yes...

CCPG: Hungry?

Adam: I just ate.

CCPG: Got Milk?

Adam: No! Stop asking me these questions!

CCPG: Have it your way.

Adam: Thank you... dammit now I forgot what I was going to ask you!

CCPG: Need a moment?

Adam: No! I'm fine... So how's the paparazzi treat you, being a celebrity and all?

CCPG: They're always after my lucky charms.

Adam: I don't think so. How's that piece of toast I gave you with the fake topping?

CCPG: I can't believe it's not butter!

Adam: Me neither. So how's the family?

CCPG: They're G-R-R-R-E-A-T!

Adam: The dog?

CCPG: It takes a lickin and keeps on tickin.

Adam: ... Ok this interview is done.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Jul 22 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Peter Parker Writes a Letter to Columbia Pictures

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Jul 16 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Australian Nature Guy Observes The Pedestrian

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

'Ello Mates! Today we're going to observe the Drivers natural enemy; the Pedestrian.

The Pedestrian's lord and savior

Although the Driver is much bigger and stronger and can kill the Pedestrian with ease, the Pedestrian has the law on its side. Known as, "The Right of Way", this is what fuels the Driver's hatred towards the Pedestrian.

Ah, there's a Pedestrian now! Look at it. It's just gorgeous! If you observe it's body language it's showing the Pedestrian sign for "I want to cross". Of course, it wants to wade across the road, which is the natural habitat of the Driver.

It looks like it's trying to make the critical eye contact with the Driver! The Pedestrian considers eye contact with the Driver as a sign of weakness and it will interpret this as if the Driver were to say, "Hey there, Pedestrian, I see you, and I have no intention of killing today"

Because of this false interpretation by the Pedestrian, more experienced Drivers will most likely avoid eye contact with the Pedestrian. This lack of eye contact intimidates the Pedestrian, and stops the Pedestrian from entering the road.

Some of the more bold Pedestrians will sometimes blindly march across the street, believing that the Driver will see them in time and take appropriate action to avoid a collision.

Unfortunately for the Driver, when the Pedestrian travels in herds it is virtually unstoppable. Drivers know that this flock of Pedestrians can easily become enraged, and outnumber the Driver.

Do not forget the irony of the Driver/Pedestrian hatred circle. When the Driver removes himself from his vehicle, he will molt into a Pedestrian, and when a Pedestrian finds a vehicle to call it's own, it morphs into a Driver.

Until next week, G'day explorers!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Jul 15 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759071/ts:33">Be the first!</a> </p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

What Facebookers Think Joining Those Petition Groups is Doing

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> What Facebookers Think Joining Those Petition Groups is Doing

Aid runs into president's office

Aid: Mr. President, our Facebook analysis experts have just determined that the Facebook group "15,000,000 to lower gas prices" has reached about 2 million!

President: Sweet Jesus! This is getting out of hand! What about the comment board?

Aid: It's brutal, sir. Joe Smith from UCF writes, "Gas prices suck" and then Brian Parker replied, "Word".

President: For the love of everything that's holy... Did you check the picture section?

Aid: Yes and you're not going to like it. As of right now they've already uploaded about 800 pictures.

President: No!

Aid: It's true, sir. Although most of the uploaded pictures are just of lingerie models...

President: Lingerie models? But why?

Aid: A recent survey conducted about Facebook concluded that 95% of Facebook users are horny.

President: We're dealing with 2 million angry and horny kids?!!?

Aid: Wait until I tell you about the posted items board.

President: Hit me.

Aid: Lingerie models as well. Almost 4000 posts of them.

President: There's only one way out of this mess...

President opens his desk drawer and pulls out a gun

President: Goodbye, cruel world

What Those Petition Groups are Actually Doing Best Case Scenario

Aid walks by president in the hallway

Aid: So the kids made a Facebook group to lower gas prices

President: That's cute

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Sunday, Jul 6 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Horny Horny Hippos

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

Green: I'm so freaking HORNY!

They were only "hungry hungry" for the kids.

Yellow: Same dude! I want some balls right now!

Orange: I want some balls in and around my mouth.

Pink: I can't wait till I have those balls bouncing all up in my face!

Yellow: Yo chill! I can see some balls right now.

Green: I am SO freaking HORNY!

Pink: OH MY GOD! THERE'S BALLS EVERYWHERE!

Orange: I've never seen so many balls before in my life!

Yellow: They're bouncing everywhere!

Green: MPH MMHMF MMMF HMMRPH!

Yellow: Green! Don't talk when your mouth's full!

Pink: Green took all of the balls for himself!

Yellow: Same, but what can you do? When he gets horny horny there's no stopping him.

Orange: Anyone else getting a little hungry hungry?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Jul 1 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Guy's Reaction to Progressively Late Girlfriend

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

5 minutes late- Well, guess I should prepare myself. She's obviously going to be "fashionably late". Lol. Women. What can you do? Guess I'll just chill here on this bench and face the parking lot.

20 minutes late- Hmm alright. She's obviously very fashionable to be this "fashionably late". Trying to make a good impression, that's sweet. I just wish this creepy guy would stop trying to ask me where I go to school. Should I just move? I don't want him to think I'm moving because of him though. I'll just mumble something under my breath to make it look like I have to gosomewhere then I'll just move.

45 minutes late- F*ck it. Whatever. It's like I say, "F*ck the previews"... I don't say that... I love the previews. Did I tell her I don't? Oh well, when she gets here I'll tell her that she's mistaken... God damn! The creepy guy followed me. I'm going to die. Sh*t. I'm just going to tell him to leave me alone. No I won't. I don't want to get raped and murdered tonight.

2 hours late- What a whore. I'm almost 100% sure that I didn't tell her I hate watching the movie as well...At least that creepy guy is gone. Things are looking up!...

4 hours late- Why am I still waiting here?? That's it I'm calling her... Hey, where are you? ...You forgot?? ... You're sorry?? I waited 4 freaking hours for you!! I got molested by a pedophile!! I missed Get Smart!! It got above average reviews!! ... Wait what? You're breaking up with me? What?? Hello? Hello?? ... Bitch ... ... ... I'm craving Denny's...

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Jul 1 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

An Article: Memento'd

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> The End:

Me being beaten up by a group of black people

5 minutes earlier:

Josh: No. I want you to read it to those people over there. They'll think this is hilarious!

He hands me a piece of paper

Josh: This has your finished joke on it!

Me: Awesome! Thanks a lot man!

Josh: Just go!

I approach the black people. I forgot why.

Black Guy: Yo! Why are you just standing there?

Me: ... I have this condition. I have short term memory loss. I can't create new mem-

Black Guy: I don't care. What's that piece of paper?

Me: What?

Black guy grabs the piece of paper. Reads it out loud

Black Guy: "A group of black people walk into a white only bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?""

Me: That's definitely not the beginning of it...

10 minutes earlier:

I storm out of the tattoo parlor

Me: I don't believe she didn't tattoo the beginning of the joke on my penis as well...

I check my dick. It has, "The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?" tattooed across it

Me: What was the beginning?

Josh sees me checking my dick

Josh: Hey Adam! Come here!

I walk over to him

Josh: Why are checking your dick?

Me: I can't remember the beginning of this joke.

Josh starts writing something on a piece of paper.

Josh: I finished the joke for you.

Me: Are you going to tell it to me?

Josh: No. I want you to read it to those people over there. They'll think this is hilarious!

20 minutes earlier:

I walk into the tattoo parlor

Me: Hey can you tattoo this joke on my penis?

I hand her a sheet of paper

Tattoo Lady: I don't think I can fit this whole joke on your dick. How about I have the beginning on your ass?

Me: Sure!

She starts tattooing the beginning on my ass. 8 minutes later she finished tattooing the punch line on my dick

Me: You forgot the beginning of the joke! Now I'll never remember it!

I storm out of the tattoo parlor

30 minutes earlier:

Brandon: So a rabbi, a priest, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

Me: Hahahahaha that's freaking hilarious! I've got to remember that!

Brandon: You say that every time I tell it to you!

Me: You're an asshole.

Brandon: Why don't you have it tattooed on your dick?

Me: Sure. Can you write it down for me?

Brandon: Yea! If you're really going to get this tattooed on your dick, I'll even drive you!

Me: Thanks buddy!

5 minutes later he drops me off at the tattoo parlor

Brandon: Good luck!

I walk into the tattoo parlor

The Beginning?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Saturday, Jun 28 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Chess: The Pawn's Diary

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> June 26th 2008

What a glorious morning! This earth was made for battle, not only because of its perfectly symmetrical black and white squares! Ah, to be the unit directly in front of the King himself! Oh, mother would be so proud!

June 27th 2008

The battle commenced today, and guess who was the first unit off? You guessed it! Mother would be so proud of my two square hop, why, I could rival the knight himself! I wonder how the enemy will react to such a bold move?

June 28th 2008

So, this enemy isn't to be underestimated! They discovered one of my weak spots. As we speak a rival pawn is standing right in front of me, glaring down at me as I write. So I'm stuck here until the bastard moves, or is killed.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Jun 26 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 171 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

If Her Milkshakes Really Had Brought All the Boys to the Yard

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> It's a sunny Saturday afternoon. Two boys are walking down the street.

Jason: Hey David, wanna go to that girl's house who sells milkshakes?

David: Sure! it's pretty hot out, and she makes a great milkshake.

They walk down the street to the girl's house. As they get closer they notice that across the street there's a woman dancing very erotically.

Woman (shouting): My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!

Girl looks up from the milkshakes and looks towards the boys

Girl: Just ignore her-

Woman (still shouting): And they're like "it's better than yours!"

David: Actually we didn't say that

Jason: You can't compare a milkshake to dancing

Woman (still shouting): Damn right it's better than yours.

Jason: I'm so confused right now

Girl: She calls her boobs milkshakes

Jason: Oh.

David: Hey could we get two vanilla milkshakes?

Girl: Sure

Woman (still shouting): I could teach you!

Girl: No thanks-

Woman (shouting): But I'd have to charge!

Girl: Please leave me alone

David: Thanks for the milkshakes

Jason: What do you wanna do now?

David: I don't know. Wanna stand in her yard and watch her dance?

Jason: Sure.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Jun 25 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Grand Theft Auto 4: The Cousin's Diary

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> May 5thDear Diary,

I just picked up my cousin at the harbor and I let him drive my car home. I don't know why I did that, considering he just arrived in America and he has no idea where anything is. He is an awful driver by the way diary, I mean, he killed 3 pedestrians in attempt to drift through a turn, he took out at least 5 street lights which detach from the ground surprisingly easy, by the way. Then he parked the car on the sidewalk and then get this, he starts just walking against the hood. It was weird. Its like he was trying to walk through the hood of the car and he was doing a weird ghost walk.

Something may be wrong with my cousin,

Roman

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Saturday, May 3 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:950169/ts:33">Adam Sharaf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 22 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />