Roll up to the club and I already hate it (Friend says she…)
Knows the promoter 'cause in college they dated (Bouncer)
Says "that guy don't work here", but we all can tell that he
Won't let us in the doors, 'cause our girls are all fatties

So I, I tell him "Yo,
I'm with those 27 hos
Wearing tiny booty sho'ts
Though it's 22 below"

Now's when it gets really bad...

Strobe lights in my face
Feel like I've got epilepsy
God I hate this place
30 dollars for a Pepsi
The bass makes my heart, spleen and kidneys burst
Oh, oh, oh, oh: Dance clubs are the worst.
Oh, oh, oh, oh: Dance clubs are the worst.

My friend effed up, now we've got bottle service
I don't see any prices and it's making me nervous
13 people crowded 'round a table for three
Saw something on the dance floor I can never unsee

By now you can bet
That I'm swimming in my sweat
Haven't even danced yet
How much worse can this place get?

I smell Roger Federer cologne...

Fratty douchey dudes
Show off silver dollar nips
Creeping up to girls
Expecting them to move their hips
Trashy techno music with a horn interspersed
Oh, oh, oh, oh: Dance clubs are the worst.
Oh, oh, oh, oh: Dance clubs are the worst.

Sore throat (sore throat!)
Feet are swollen (feet are swollen!)
Go to leave (go to leave!)
Coat was stolen (coat was stolen!)

Forgot to close my tab
And the barefoot sluts are flailing
Half a dozen cabs
And three hundred people hailing
Every single minute of this night was cursed
Oh, oh, oh, oh: Dance clubs are the worst.
Before I took her home, should have looked at her first
Oh, oh, oh, oh: Dance clubs are the worst.
Oh, oh, oh, oh: Dance clubs are the worst.