We broke up last weekend
Beneath a chestnut tree
You said you wanted something to remember me.

Felt bad saying no to you baby,
‘Cause you looked so hurt
When you asked for my favorite sweatshirt.

Now I’m lying in bed
Regrets running through my head
Oh, the life I could have led…

I don't miss you, but I miss my hoodie (I miss you too!)
Oh Hoodie, is that you? (Yes it's me!)
I miss your holes, your grass stains moreso!
(I miss your torso!)

(She’s holding me hostage, up in her sorority
I’m covered in pills ‘cause she’s always dryin’ me.
I want to escape, but I’ve got no opposable thumbs to exert
Or arms or legs or a body or a brain I’m a sweatshirt.

Used to be one of the guys
Now I’m dominated by
Body butter and Secret Ultra Dry)

You've been kidnapped for too long, Hoodie (I'm not made for boobs!)
This is real love, me and you (And I know that you'll always be true!)
I want to fill you up, dear Hoodie (I want you inside of me!)

I'm on my way to get you back, Hoodie! (Break down the doors!)
You are her slave no more! (She can get one herself at the store!)
TOGETHER: So glad I'm(/you're) here, best friends forever
With my hoodie, I'll never be alone
TOGETHER: With my(/your) hoodie, I'll(/you'll) never be alone!