Sarah and David meet in the storage room, and relax, not like that. There are other people there.
By Sarah Schneider and David Young
INT. BEDROOM - WHITE SHEETS/WHITE COMFORTER
David is in bed with Sarah.
I'm so glad things are over with
Rachel. I missed this.
I missed this, too. Now hurry up
and sex me, because we have dinner
plans with Patrick Duffy and
Ah, I love Patrick - wait a minute.
A quick flash to white, then:
INT. BEDROOM - COLORED COMFORTER
David wakes up with a start. He's in bed with Rachel.
Morning sleepy. You fell asleep
watching Step-by-Step again. And
guess what I got you? A new
David looks back up to the ceiling and sighs.
INT. OFFICE - MORNING
David heads to his desk and notices a POST-IT on his
computer. It reads "Come to the mattress closet. -Sarah".
INT. OFFICE - OUTSIDE MATTRESS CLOSET DOOR
David knocks. Sarah opens it and steps out a little.
Hey good, you got my note. So last
night I was watching Step-by-Step,
and it was the episode where Al
gets dumped and goes to the dance
with Steve Urkel.
(under his breath)
Is that what this is about?
No, I just thought you might have
Ch-yah. I loved it.
I knew it. But that's not why
you're here. I think I have a
solution to your 'problem'.
Oh, thank God. Where'd you get
$20,000 in cash?
I cannot believe I haven't learned
to be more specific with you. I'm
I'm sorry, what? I can't read lips.
I said it out loud.
STREETER pulls the door open; behind him we see AMIR, DAN,
PAT and LOU.
Hey, Sarah, hate to rush things,
but we've been waiting in here for
I told the guys you're afraid to
break up with Rachel.
Why would you do that? If she finds
out, she'll take away my phone
That's why. Plus I thought they
could help, I dunno. Pat's broken
up with like, seventy girls.
Shot of Pat, who picks his ear and looks at it, impressed.
Sarah and David react with disgust.
Just hear them out.
HARD CUT TO:
INT. GREEN SCREEN ROOM
Everyone sits on folding chairs in a circle. These are QUICK
Okay, here's my advice. Cry. A lot.
Be assertive, you know? Don't back
down from a fight.
Keep it light, keep it funny. I
usually use topical humor.
What I do, is I just start ignoring
her. If she comes up to you, act
like you've never met her.
I've actually only dated my wife.
(starting to cry)
Your heart isn't the only one
that's breaking, okay?
Oh really, I'm neglectful? Have you
met, oh I don't know, yourself?
You know, our relationship reminds
me a lot of what's going on in
Lou? Lou who? I don't know any
Cheryl and I actually met when we
were 9 years old at Girl Scout
(through loud sobs)
(completely bleeped, yelling)
(chuckling; pointing to
Have you heard about this?
My name is Francis, woman!
I have never known the touch of
Cut to Sarah and David. Sarah has her head in her hands.
David takes a moment to process this.
Okay. So. Cry a lot,-
Streeter mumbles 'uh-huh', wiping tears away.
-call her a [bleep],-
Pat nods knowingly, gives a thumbs up.
Amir shoots a prop gun, a flag with "YOU'RE DUMPED" unrolls.
-deny your own existence,-
Lou's chair is empty. He pops his head into frame and winks
Aaaand marry her.
Dan, beaming, unfurls PICTURES OF HIS KIDS from his WALLET.
We sit for a beat on Sarah and David, then:
CUT TO: Sarah and David walking away.
Yeah sorry, that wasn't helpful at
I did like Amir's take on Libya.
Yeah, it was a fresh angle, wasn't
Sarah stops David and turns to him.
Listen, when it comes to break-ups,
you just have to be honest. You
were with me. She can't be mad if
that's how you feel.
You didn't talk to me for three
And just look at us now.
Inspirational music swells. Sarah grabs David's cheeks.
Let's go dump your crazy-ass
EXT. CONFERENCE ROOM - LOOKING IN
Music out. David looks terrified as RACHEL DESTROYS THE
ROOM. We just barely hear the sounds of her yelling. They
again are dressed EXACTLY ALIKE.
Reveal: Sarah, Streeter, Pat, Dan, Amir and Lou watching
from a safe distance. Sarah looks concerned.
It's like the Obama birther debate