Full Benefits: Inside Jokes

By

INT. BEDROOM - SPLITSCREEN

Sarah and David in their respective beds talk on the phone.

DAVID
BOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW.

SARAH
I dunno, like, a broken didgeridoo?

DAVID
No. An air conditioner from the
future.

SARAH
That was my next guess.

DAVID
Really?

SARAH
(forceful)
No.

INT. OFFICE - LUNCH TABLE

Sarah and David sit, eating lunch. Behind David, for the
full episode, there is a bottle of AXE EXCITE on his desk.

DAVID
This is awesome.

SARAH
See? I told you you'd like bologna.

DAVID
Yeah, it's like a flat hot dog.

SARAH
Exactly like a flat hot dog.

DAVID 
And no, I'm talking about you and
me! We're friends again!

SARAH
We did it!

Sarah and David high-five.

SARAH 
Ew, what's on your hand?

DAVID
Bologna grease.

SARAH
Gross.

AMIR approaches the table.

AMIR
Hey guys. Why David-

(high-pitched, high-class;
tipping an invisible hat)

-you're looking dapper.

DAVID
(same tone/motion)
Oh. Same, to you.

They both laugh loudly. Sarah gives a confused laugh.

DAVID
Oh, sorry. That's just an inside
joke Amir and I have from when we
went to the Yankees game. So it's -
eh, it's too hard to explain.

DAVID/AMIR
(emphasis on first syllables)
Too hard. To be. Explained.
They burst out laughing again.

DAVID
(to Sarah)
Sorry, that was from the Mets game.

Amir waves and walks off. David keeps laughing to himself.

SARAH
Wait, why don't we have any inside
jokes?

DAVID
We have inside jokes!

SARAH
I don't think we do.

DAVID
Oh come on. What about, uh, "Yo
man, you gotta go."

On Sarah as she shrugs 'no', Pat pops out from behind her.

PAT
"Yo man, you gotta go."

DAVID
Oh yeah, that was with Pat.

SARAH
See?

DAVID
That's not a big deal. We could
just come up with one right now.

Sarah and David stare at each other and start bobbing their
heads from side to side, muttering a 'here we go, here we
go' type sound. Abruptly:

SARAH
Yeah this feels forced.

DAVID
It did not feel right for me
either.

SARAH
Does this mean we're not friends?
Because we don't have inside jokes?

DAVID
Of course not. We know everything
about each other. What's my middle
name?

SARAH
(confidently)
Arnold.

DAVID
Where was I born?

SARAH
Wisconsin.

DAVID
What's my birthday?

SARAH
May 3rd.

DAVID
What's my mom's name?

SARAH
Odette.

DAVID
Those were all wrong.

SARAH
I know!

DAVID
Really? Arnold?

Dan, passing through the background, looks up momentarily.

DAN
Did someone say my middle name?

SARAH
Oh, we were talking about David.
Sorry D-Rock.

DAVID
D-Rock?

SARAH
Oh yeah, it's just a nickname I
have for Dan. I have nicknames for
all the guys.

Quick singles of various OFFICE GUYS acknowledging their
nicknames. It does not matter who is who, but El Diablo
should be Jeff, waving enthusiasically with a smile.

SARAH
Flipper, The Bonch, Tiny, Grim
Creeper, B-Bear, Sir Munchy Man, El
Diablo, aaaand-

Cut to a 2 shot of Sarah pointing at David. There's a beat.

SARAH 
David.

DAVID
I wanna be the Grim Creeper.

SARAH
Wait a minute. Are we not friends?
Were we just benefits?

They both take a moment to ponder this.

DAVID
You know what, no. NO. I trust you,
I go to you for everything and I
love hanging out with you. That's
it. It doesn't matter that we don't
have nicknames or inside jokes.

Streeter pops his head into frame.

STREETER/DAVID
Insiiiiiiiide!

They laugh, David waves off Streeter.

DAVID
(to Sarah)
Just this thing we have.

SARAH
Now you're rubbing it in.

DAVID
Sorry. We're good. We're friends.

Okay?

SARAH
(shrugs good-naturedly)
Okay.

DAVID
Besides, we'll always have
our high-five.

Sarah and David stand and participate in an EXTREMELY
ELABORATE BOTCHED HIGH-FIVE. They are off on every move and
quietly reprimanding themselves and each other for the
mistakes.

SARAH/DAVID
You're blowing it. / Oh, oops. / Oh
I forgot the- / You're supposed to
be up. / Isn't there a? / That's
not.

SARAH
We should practice that more.

DAVID
Yeah.