Some gangsters show Pat and Sarah a few tips.
By Patrick Cassels and David Young
INT. OFFICE (BY JOSH RUBEN'S DESK) -- PRAISE HIM!
DAVID and PAT are hanging out at SARAH's desk. David, with a
flourish, pulls a playing card from a DECK.
Is THIS your card?
That wasn't-- you didn't even ask
me to pick one, man.
WHIP to a GANGSTER and his THUG. Both wear tough street
You and me got unfinished business.
David, do you know these guys?
Kind of. It's stupid. It--
Stupid?! Your boy killed my kid
sister in a drive by.
Oh my God! When?
Who even remembers?
It was yesterday afternoon.
David stands. We're in a face-off now!
Look, I know we said no family, I'm
sorry. But I didn't start this war.
Nah, see? I'm gonna make you pay.
He lifts his shirt, revealing a HANDGUN tucked in his waist.
Sarah, Pat and Dave gasp, terrified. They raise their hands.
CLOSE on the gun. PAN to the other side of the gangster's
waist to reveal the tip of his BONER also tucked into his
jeans. Pat, Sarah and Dave are grossed out.
Do- do you have a boner?
Psh, yeah right!
(to Thug 1)
You believe this clown?
No, he's right.
What did you say to me?!
Sorry! But... it looks like you
have a boner tucked up into the
waist of your pants. I can see the
tip of your penis.
I don't have a boner okay?
He carefully lifts his shirt, revealing only his gun.
The other side.
THE OTHER S--
He quickly lifts the other side,
momentarily-but-unmistakeably revealing his boner again.
Yes! That's the tip of your boner!
I have a boner, okay?
It was bumpy on the ride over here.
And I got a boner. And I didn't
want my homies to find out. So I
tucked my boner.
Why didn't you just wait for it to
I sat in the parking lot for an
hour and a half. Shut up, okay?
Gangster reaches toward his gun.
Now, just for embarrassing me, I'm
gonna shoot all three of you, okay?
You're grabbing your boner.
(looks down; surprised)
Oh shi-, I am.
Maybe you should compose yourself
and come back another time.
SHUT UP. Think I'm gonna let one
boner stop me? Nah, I brought
backup. Yo, Killer!
A RIPPED ENFORCER rounds the corner. He's holding a TEXTBOOK
(clearly marked "Calculus") over his groin.
It's killin' time!
He hobbles toward David awkwardly. David points down.
This guy's got a boner, too.
(stops; fighting tears)
My body's changing!
Why you guys gotta be so mean,
okay? You don't know what it's like
on the streets. Out there if you
get a boner everyone laughs at you.
Yeah, that would happen anywhere.
(catching the giggles)
I mean, you tucked the tip of your
boner into your waistband.
Pat and Sarah start laughing.
Who does that?
More people join in, laughing and pointing at Gangster.
Everyone shut up, okay? Just--
(to Thug and Enforcer)
Let's get out of here, guys.
They start walking away, awkwardly and in shame. Suddenly,
Oh, wait. I have a gun.
The Gangster pulls his gun and points it at David. Everyone
stops laughing, starts screaming and running. On this mayhem