Overheard At The Movies: Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Pt. 2

By

Sam Reich, Patrick Cassels, Amir Blumenfeld, Streeter Seidell, Sarah Schneider, Ben Joseph and Susanna Wolff

          The epic Harry Potter THEME blasts over a low-key LEGEND:

          "Overheard During Movies: Harry Potter and the Deathly
          Hallows: Part 2.

          INT. MOVIE THEATER -- DURING "HARRY POTTER 7, PART II"

          LIGHTS GO DOWN as PAT and STREET take their seats. A
          FLICKERING LIGHT from O.C. indicates the film. The spooky
          opening MUSIC rises.

                              STREET
                    Man, I'm so PUMMMPED for this film!

                              PAT
                    So you've seen all of them?

                              STREET
                    Nah, but I'll be able to keep up.
                         (sits)
                    Now, what is "magic?"

          CUT TO ELSEWHERE IN THE THEATER. DAVID and SARAH watch.

                              DAVID
                         (re: screen; nostalgic)
                    I can't believe how quickly he's
                    grown.

                              SARAH
                    Yup, Harry's not a kid anymore.

                              DAVID
                    No, I meant Snape. It's like Alan
                    Rickman was only just 55 yesterday.

          ELSEWHERE IN THE THEATER. AMIR and JOSH are also watching
          the movie. Amir sighs.

                              AMIR
                    I miss Dobby.

          Josh nods sympathetically. An oddly long beat.

                              JOSH
                    Really.

                              AMIR
                    Nope.

                              JOSH
                    Me neither.

          CUT TO Street and Pat.

                              STREETER
                         (uncomfortable)
                    These money-hungry long-nosed
                    bankers who crave money, don't you
                    think they're kind of.. like...
                    negative stereotypes of...

                              PAT
                    Goblins, totally.

                              STREETER
                    No, I-

                              PAT
                    GOBLINS. They're just Goblins.

                              STREET
                         (pointing at screen)
                    Okay, that one just called Harry a
                    "putz."

          CUT TO Sarah and David.

                              SARAH
                         (excited)
                    Whoa! Dragon security system! That
                    is so--

                              DAVID
                    Impractical?

                              SARAH
                         (realizing it)
                    Yeah locks would be so much easier.

          CUT TO Amir and Josh.

                              AMIR
                         (scared)
                    Oh my God! I think Snape's dead!

                              JOSH
                    No, he's just between syllables in
                    the word "equally."

          CUT TO Pat and Street.

                              STREET
                         (smiling)
                    Okay, same time. I would want to
                    bone: Ginny!

                              PAT (IN UNISON WITH STREET)
                    Neville!

                              STREET
                    What?

                              PAT
                         (nervous/busted)
                    Huh? Wait, no. You said...

          CUT TO Sarah and David. Sarah is in serious tears.

                              SARAH
                    OHMIGOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S OVER!
                    TEN YEARS! HARRY! RON!

                              DAVID
                         (politely excusing himself)
                    I'm gonna go to the concession
                    stand.

                              SARAH
                         (instantly stops crying)
                    Ooo! Can you get me a medium Cherry
                    Coke and Buncha
                    Crunches?

          CUT TO Amir and Josh.

                              AMIR
                    Wow, so Snape joined Voldemort to
                    help Dumbledore!

                              JOSH
                    Of course! Now: why was he a dick
                    to Harry for seven years?

          CUT TO David and Sarah.

                              SARAH
                    Aw, Snape had his heartbroken.
                         (beat; then, eureka)
                    Wait...

                              SARAH & DAVID
                    That's why he's emo!

          CUT TO Pat and Street.

                              PAT
                    You know, if I were one of
                    Voldemort's followers, I'd just
                    walk behind one of those giant
                    trolls until the fight was over.
                         (crosses his arms; smug)
                    I'd be such a good Death Eater.

          CUT TO Sarah and David.

                              SARAH & DAVID
                    NOOO! NOT THE QUIDDITCH FIELD!!!

          CUT TO Amir and Josh.

                              AMIR
                         (to movie)
                    Oops, Harry. You dropped your magic
                    stone that can bring everyone back
                    to life. Um, should probably...

                              JOSH
                    Yeah, Harry! You for sure want to
                    keep that. Hey, Harry! You
                    accidentally dropped your...!

          CUT TO Street and Pat. Street looks confused.

                              STREET
                    I'm so lost. Who-?

                              PAT
                    Fenrir Grayback and the Snatchers.

                              STREET
                    What-?

                              PAT
                    The resurrection stone hidden in a
                    snitch.

                              STREET
                    Why?

                              PAT
                    Because JK Rowling couldn't think
                    of a good ending.

          CUT TO David and Sarah.

                              DAVID
                    Wow. So much death.

                              SARAH
                    Totally. They are going to have SO
                    many assemblys to talk about how
                    everyone's feelings.

          CUT TO Amir and Josh.

                              JOSH
                    So they all stayed in London for
                    the next 19 years of their life and
                    Ron has a gut?

                              AMIR
                    Right.

                              JOSH
                    What's the point of becoming a
                    wizard?

          CUT TO Sarah and David.

                              DAVID
                    Is it weird that I'm more attracted
                    to 40-year-old Hermione than high
                    school Hermione.

                              SARAH
                    No, it's weird that you'd think
                    that was weird.

          CUT TO Pat and Street. Street's still confused.

                              STREET
                    How-?

                              PAT
                    Because Harry Potter had part of
                    Voldermort.

                              STREET
                    But then what-?

                              PAT
                         (sighs)
                    Man, we didn't even come here
                    together. Who are you?

          END.