I was talking with some of my friends and we where conversing about prom, I was talking to them saying I don't care how a guy asks me. I'm not that anal or stupid about someone asking me out to the dance, when a guy walks by me and says, "Don't worry no ones asking you to prom anyway."
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Overheard at Cowboys & Aliens
By
CollegeHumor
The twangy COWBOYS & ALIENS theme plays over black.
SLAM: "Overheard At The Movies"
SLAM: "Cowboys & Aliens"
INT. MOVIE THEATER
PAT, ROSIE and MURPH enter. They're PSYCHED.
MURPH
This movie is going to RULE. The
Cowboys are gonna be all like,
"Yee-ha!"
PAT
Yeah, and the aliens are gonna be
all like, "Roar!"
ROSIE
And Daniel Craig's gonna be all
like...
He makes a very abstract "Daniel Craig sound." They sit.
RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER
Are you guys gonna talk this much
during the movie?
PAT/ROSIE/MURPH
Probably.
LIGHTS DOWN.
ELSEWHERE, DAVID and SARAH watch the movie. Sarah GROANS.
SARAH
Where are the aliens? So far it's
just "Cowboys & Cowboys."
DAVID
We're still in the opening credits.
SARAH
MORE ALIENS.
ELSEWHERE, JOSH and DAN. Dan touches his upper lip.
DAN
Is that Paul Dano's prop
dirt-stache or his real
dirt-stache?
JOSH
Real dirt-stache.
DAN
(long beat; then, deadpan)
Ew.
CUT TO Pat, Murph and Rosie.
PAT
Daniel Craig might be the only
actor in the world who looks weird
when he smiles.
MURPH
Look out, he just overheard an
amusing anecdote.
BEAT. All three guys shift uncomfortably, in unison.
CUT TO Sarah & David. She leans back in her chair.
SARAH
Ugh. Wake me up when the bracelet
starts beeping again.
DAVID
(laughing)
Yeah, I know. It's like--
(turns to Sarah)
Sarah? S-sarah?
Sarah really is STONE-COLD SLEEPING.
CUT TO Josh and Dan. Josh stares in silence for a BEAT.
JOSH
When are they going to let Harrison
Ford wear his earring in a movie?
CUT TO Rosie, Pat and Murph.
ROSIE
Why are the aliens abducting
everyone?
MURPH
(stoic)
They're studying us, dude. Learning
humans' greatest weakness: being
shot and stabbed.
CUT TO Sarah and David.
DAVID
Come on! Olivia Wilde is just
wearing that cowboy hat 'cause she
knows she looks hot in it--
Sarah opens her mouth to respond.
DAVID
--No, I'm not complaining.
CUT TO Josh and Dan.
JOSH
Did Sam Rockwell just tell that guy
to "go bake some beans?"
DAN
That's what you say to someone
dressed like a cowboy in 2011.
(ALT.)
That's what you say to a
trick-or-treater dressed like a
cowboy in 2011.
CUT TO Sarah and David. They tremble in fear.
DAVID
No n-no no no. Riverboats aren't
supposed to be upside down...
SARAH & DAVID
RIVERBOATS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE
UPSIDE-DOWN!!!
CUT TO Rosie, Pat and Murph.
PAT
Alien stomach-hands, cool! If I had
those, I would high five myself all
the time.
Murph, expressionless, nods in agreement. Rosie, deadpan:
ROSIE
You know you can do that now,
right?
CUT TO Josh and Dan.
JOSH
Whoa! Olivia Wilde, naked.
DAN
Yeah, that was actually in Harrison
Ford's contract. And Daniel
Craig's, and Jon Favreau's, and--
CUT TO Sarah and David.
SARAH
(with a smart chuckle)
The aliens just want gold. Typical.
(beat, then)
Wait, no it's not. That makes no
sense.
CUT TO Josh and Dan.
JOSH
They know Cash-for-Gold is a scam,
right?
DAN
Cash for Gold is a scam?
CUT TO David and Sarah.
DAVID
Note to Aliens: Don't leave your
deadly laser bracelets lying open
next to your prisoners.
Sarah nods, gives David a lame low-five.
CUT TO Rosie, Pat and Murph.
PAT
Jesus, Harrison Ford gets grouchier
and grouchier with every movie.
MURPH
He sounds like a flesh heap that
makes broken muffler noises.
ROSIE
He sounds like a lawnmower going
over a pile of rocks.
CUT TO Sarah and David.
SARAH
Ah, I love a man who stops thinking
when he kisses me. Seriously, like
his brain becomes inactive.
CUT TO Josh and Dan.
JOSH
Thank God. Harrison Ford saved his
son.
DAN
But his son is a horrible person.
JOSH
Oh, right. What about the Indian? I
actually cared about him.
DAN
He died.
JOSH
What about my hopes for this movie?
DAN
They died, too.
CUT TO Rosie, Pat and Murph.
PAT
(still re: Ford)
He's like a bag of rusty tools
thrown down a basement staircase.
CUT TO David & Sarah.
SARAH
He's like a grizzly bear stuck in
traffic.
DAVID
He's like Clint Eastwood using a
broken blender.
CUT TO Josh & Dan. LIGHTS UP. Josh sits, dumbstruck.
DAN
Looks like everything worked out!
JOSH
Harrison Ford's son is lobotomized,
and everyone seems fine with it.
DAN
(oblivious)
Yup, a happy ending for all.
(looks at watch)
Shall we to the 11:30 Smurfs?
END.
| crew | |
| Editor | Matt Kazman |
| President of Original Content | Sam Reich |
| Executive Producer | Spencer Griffin |
| Director of Post Production | Michael Schaubach |
| Production Manager | Sam Sparks |
| Post Production Producer | Lacy Wittman |
| Production Office Coordinator | David Kerns |
| Assistant Editor | Drew Nissen |
| Post Production Coordinator | Amanda Madden |
| Production Accountant | Christine Rodriguez |
| Assistant Production Accountant | Daniel Siegel |
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