Just as well-written as your 8th grade history notes.
By Jake Hurwitz
EXT. EARLY 19TH CENTURY WASHINGTON DC - DAY
The state Capital is burning. A creepy version of the
National Anthem plays throughout the trailer.
British troops run down a smoke filled street, one stops,
aims, and fires then continues running.
Text: Long ago...
A strong, bearded man, SAM, sits at a crude dining room
table. His wife looks at him nervously. He dramatically
Text: During a time...
British cannon is put into place and loaded.
American soldiers line up and ready their rifles.
Text: There was a war.
The British cannon is fired.
A horse gallops through a field.
Sam's home. His wife, SARAH stands with him on his doorstep.
I have to go.
Out west. Or really far south. Or
When will you return?
You know what? I might be going out
The President sits in his office.
I will not stand for this insult.
Or my name isn't President...
A grizzled American General addresses his troops.
If you see an injun... shoot.
Wait, aren't the Indians on our
I thought they were with the
Didn't we already fight the
Gunshot! A tattered American flag blows across a desolate
Sam holds a dying soldier.
Who did this?! Seriously. Who did
The grizzled General from earlier crouches next to Sam and
puts his hand on Sam's shoulder.
It was Grant's army... Ulysses S.
No that can't be right.
You know I was sure I was right
before I said it. But it did sound
really weird once it came out of my
mouth. Even I was like... what?
Haha, funny how that happens, you
Sam stands in a golden field holding his wife.
Why do men fight?
For honor, Sarah. For honor.
Sarah looks longingly at her husband, the sun hits her eyes
and she is beautiful.
No like, really, why?
Honor was vague right? Too vague?
It miiiight have something to do
A beleaguered Sam addresses a broken down group of rag tag
We will rise against the British!
And the Indians. And the French!
Wait, no, not the French... No!
Sorry, yes, the French. Final
A soldier nods reassuringly.
They may burn our crop, they may
take our land! Or prevent us from
taking more land. Provinces might
be involved. But we will stand our
Sam looks at a soldier, who shrugs.
Er, wait, better, we will charge!
We will cross their borders, and
take their territories! One by
The soldier cocks his head, that's not right either.
You know what, I was onto something
before. We're gonna protect the
Sam stabs a British soldier. He leans close to his face.
I... I die to protect England's
The British soldier dies.
A Native American stands looking out at a burning field.
My people... are involved in this
A British General yells "Fire" and a line of British
soldiers fire their weapons.
Sam stands bloody and ragged in a field. He falls to his
What happened during this time?!
With a loud bang text appears on the screen "The War of
Back to Sam in the field.
Wikipedia had nothing!