Overheard at Real Steel
By CollegeHumor
INT. MOVIE THEATER
DAN, JENNY and PAT enter and find seats.
DAN
A movie about boxing robots. I love
awards season!
PAT
You think this will win an Oscar?
DAN
I meant Spike Scream Awards season.
JENNY
I'm just excited to see Hugh
Jackman. I love Australian actors.
PAT
He uses his American accent in this
one.
JENNY
Aw, for real?
Jenny considers leaving, but the LIGHTS GO DOWN.
ELSEWHERE IN THE THEATER, JOSH and SAM watch the movie.
JOSH
They want Hugh Jackman to punch a
cow with his robot?! Disgusting. Go
ahead, Hugh, tell them you'd never
do something so cruel to an
innocent oh my god he did it. He
punched the cow.
SAM
(in shock)
He punched a cow with his robot.
JOSH
And that's something we have to
deal with now. As humans.
ELSEWHERE, DAVID and EMILY watch.
DAVID
Yeah, she says her husband is
wealthy enough to take care of Hugh
Jackman's son. But how do we know
he is?
EMILY
He's wearing an ascot.
DAVID
KA-CHING!
ELSEWHERE, STREETER and JEFF watch.
JEFF
You think I could pull of an ascot
like that rich husband?
STREETER
No.
JEFF
But maybe if I--
STREETER
No. I've actually thought about
this, and no.
CUT TO Pat, Dan and Jenny, looking uncomfortable. BEAT.
PAT
(genuinely curious)
Okay, making a little boy wear a
wife beater is creepy, right?
DAN/JENNY
I agree so much./SO CREEPY!
CUT TO Josh and Sam. Josh looks ENCHANTED.
JOSH
I think it actually has thoughts of
its own.
SAM
That robot the kid found?
JOSH
That gargantuan vein on Hugh
Jackman's arm.
SAM
Wow, yes it's... oddly sentient.
CUT TO Pat, Jenny and Dan.
DAN
Sick. All these people have ugly
mohawks and scream at each other in
an abandoned zoo. So this is like a
Mad Max post-apocalyptic future!
JENNY
No no, it's a normal future.
PAT
Those are just meth heads
CUT TO David and Emily. David subtly does the Atom dance.
EMILY
Awww, Hugh Jackman's son is
teaching his robot to dance...
(continues more)
Badly.
CUT TO Streeter and Jeff.
JEFF
Ooo I wonder who's gonna play the
evil robot trainer.
Jeff and Street stare at the screen, waiting. BEAT. They
nod, as though seeing what they expected.
JEFF/STREET
Korean James Franco.
DAVID/EMILY
Korean James Franco.
JOSH/SAM
Korean Robert Pattinson.
CUT TO Josh and Sam.
SAM
I'm no boxing coach, but it seems
like Hugh Jackman would have a
better chance if he wasn't always
turning to casually talk to his son
DURING the fight.
JOSH
But this is ROBOT boxing.
CUT TO Pat, Dan and Jenny.
PAT
If you take away the CGI robots
following his motions, Hugh Jackman
just looks like he lost his mind.
JENNY
(smirks; NUDGES Dan)
Not sure you need to take away the
robots, am I right?
DAN
OW!
CUT TO Jeff and Street. Street smiles.
STREETER
Okay, I know what's gonna happen:
the robot's gonna save Hugh Jackman
and his son from the evil cowboy
and his goons. Obviously.
(watches; getting upset)
Okayyy and they're beating up Hugh
Jackman. And now they're beating up
his son. And they get away, and the
kid is crying. Annnnd that's it.
CUT TO David and Emily.
DAVID
I get it now! You're father won't
love you until you take an interest
in his job.
EMILY
That's not it. You have to be
successful at it, too.
CUT TO Josh and Sam.
JOSH
There's too much movie in this
product placement.
CUT TO Jeff and Street. They look
JEFF
This picture BLOWS. Look at those
stupid robots controlled by dumb
Hugh Jackman with his...
(going dreamy-eyed)
...lame biceps bulging out of that
idiotic threadbare tee-shirt like
sweaty, fleshy sequoia trees...
STREETER
I'm lost in his stupid smile.
CUT TO Pat, Dan and Jenny.
DAN
This movie is full of 20-foot
boxing robots and the most
unrealistic thing about it is the
Microsoft Bing Stadium.
Dan and Jenny laugh.
PAT
Um, I use Bing.
JENNY
What?! Why would--?
PAT
I'M MESSING WITH YOU GUYS!
They all laugh. Pat secretly TURNS his head in shame.
CUT TO Jeff and Streeter. Totally into the movie now.
JEFF/STREETER
COME ON ATOM!/KICK ZEUS'S BUTT!/I
LOVE YOUR SMILE, HUGH!
CUT TO David and Emily.
EMILY
The bad guy wins the climactic
fight by decision. How is this
different than the end of Rocky?
DAVID
The part in 5 minutes when I ask
for my money back.
CUT TO Josh and Sam. The LIGHTS go up.
SAM
And Hugh Jackman finally wins the
Robot Wars and takes back Earth
from the evil robot king!
Josh turns to him, confused. Sam lifts up an iPad.
SAM
Yeah, I've been playing Fruit Ninja
for the last 2 and a half hours.
FEATURE
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Script
Overheard at Real Steel
INT. MOVIE THEATER DAN, JENNY and PAT enter and find seats. DAN A movie about boxing robots. I love awards season! PAT You think this will win an Oscar? DAN I meant Spike Scream Awards season. JENNY I'm just excited to see Hugh Jackman. I love Australian actors. PAT He uses his American accent in this one. JENNY Aw, for real? Jenny considers leaving, but the LIGHTS GO DOWN. ELSEWHERE IN THE THEATER, JOSH and SAM watch the movie. JOSH They want Hugh Jackman to punch a cow with his robot?! Disgusting. Go ahead, Hugh, tell them you'd never do something so cruel to an innocent oh my god he did it. He punched the cow. SAM (in shock) He punched a cow with his robot. JOSH And that's something we have to deal with now. As humans. ELSEWHERE, DAVID and EMILY watch. DAVID Yeah, she says her husband is wealthy enough to take care of Hugh Jackman's son. But how do we know he is? EMILY He's wearing an ascot. DAVID KA-CHING! ELSEWHERE, STREETER and JEFF watch. JEFF You think I could pull of an ascot like that rich husband? STREETER No. JEFF But maybe if I-- STREETER No. I've actually thought about this, and no. CUT TO Pat, Dan and Jenny, looking uncomfortable. BEAT. PAT (genuinely curious) Okay, making a little boy wear a wife beater is creepy, right? DAN/JENNY I agree so much./SO CREEPY! CUT TO Josh and Sam. Josh looks ENCHANTED. JOSH I think it actually has thoughts of its own. SAM That robot the kid found? JOSH That gargantuan vein on Hugh Jackman's arm. SAM Wow, yes it's... oddly sentient. CUT TO Pat, Jenny and Dan. DAN Sick. All these people have ugly mohawks and scream at each other in an abandoned zoo. So this is like a Mad Max post-apocalyptic future! JENNY No no, it's a normal future. PAT Those are just meth heads CUT TO David and Emily. David subtly does the Atom dance. EMILY Awww, Hugh Jackman's son is teaching his robot to dance... (continues more) Badly. CUT TO Streeter and Jeff. JEFF Ooo I wonder who's gonna play the evil robot trainer. Jeff and Street stare at the screen, waiting. BEAT. They nod, as though seeing what they expected. JEFF/STREET Korean James Franco. DAVID/EMILY Korean James Franco. JOSH/SAM Korean Robert Pattinson. CUT TO Josh and Sam. SAM I'm no boxing coach, but it seems like Hugh Jackman would have a better chance if he wasn't always turning to casually talk to his son DURING the fight. JOSH But this is ROBOT boxing. CUT TO Pat, Dan and Jenny. PAT If you take away the CGI robots following his motions, Hugh Jackman just looks like he lost his mind. JENNY (smirks; NUDGES Dan) Not sure you need to take away the robots, am I right? DAN OW! CUT TO Jeff and Street. Street smiles. STREETER Okay, I know what's gonna happen: the robot's gonna save Hugh Jackman and his son from the evil cowboy and his goons. Obviously. (watches; getting upset) Okayyy and they're beating up Hugh Jackman. And now they're beating up his son. And they get away, and the kid is crying. Annnnd that's it. CUT TO David and Emily. DAVID I get it now! You're father won't love you until you take an interest in his job. EMILY That's not it. You have to be successful at it, too. CUT TO Josh and Sam. JOSH There's too much movie in this product placement. CUT TO Jeff and Street. They look JEFF This picture BLOWS. Look at those stupid robots controlled by dumb Hugh Jackman with his... (going dreamy-eyed) ...lame biceps bulging out of that idiotic threadbare tee-shirt like sweaty, fleshy sequoia trees... STREETER I'm lost in his stupid smile. CUT TO Pat, Dan and Jenny. DAN This movie is full of 20-foot boxing robots and the most unrealistic thing about it is the Microsoft Bing Stadium. Dan and Jenny laugh. PAT Um, I use Bing. JENNY What?! Why would--? PAT I'M MESSING WITH YOU GUYS! They all laugh. Pat secretly TURNS his head in shame. CUT TO Jeff and Streeter. Totally into the movie now. JEFF/STREETER COME ON ATOM!/KICK ZEUS'S BUTT!/I LOVE YOUR SMILE, HUGH! CUT TO David and Emily. EMILY The bad guy wins the climactic fight by decision. How is this different than the end of Rocky? DAVID The part in 5 minutes when I ask for my money back. CUT TO Josh and Sam. The LIGHTS go up. SAM And Hugh Jackman finally wins the Robot Wars and takes back Earth from the evil robot king! Josh turns to him, confused. Sam lifts up an iPad. SAM Yeah, I've been playing Fruit Ninja for the last 2 and a half hours.Credits
cast
crew