When using phenomenal cosmic power, wording is important.
By Dan Gurewitch & David Young
EXT. SULTAN'S PALACE TERRACE - DAY
Aladdin stands with Jasmine. He holds the MAGIC LAMP up to
his ear, listens, and knocks softly on it.
Genie, come out! Jafar is gone!
Good job, Al. I suppose you'll be
wanting your third wish now.
Aladdin thinks for a moment. Looks at Jasmine, who smiles.
You know what you need to do.
Aladdin smiles at her, nods. Places the lamp on the ground.
(the lamp RATTLES)
(the lamp is surrounded by
SMOKE WISPS & SPARKLES)
THE GENIE emerges from the lamp. At the point where he's
just about HALFWAY OUT OF IT, Aladdin belts:
I WISH FOR YOU TO BE HUMAN!
(surrounded by sparkles)
AHH! WAIT, WHAT?
The genie completes his transformation and SLAMS ONTO THE
GROUND. Colored smoke wisps obscure his lower half. His top
half is a HUMAN VERSION OF THE GENIE (same face,
flesh-colored & normal-sized). He GROANS in pain. Aladdin
(looking up at him)
"FREE." I said the word was "FREE,"
And you had to say it when I was
coming out of the damn lamp?
Why's it matter?
Oh, why's it matter, huh?
The genie blows awkward huffs and puffs at his legs,
straining his neck. The smoke dissipates, revealing: HORRID
DEFORMED LEGS, that right past his mid-section, gel into a
HALF-FORMED FLESHY MESS that squeeze back into the bottle.
Jasmine BARFS, HARD. The genie crawls a few feet, dragging
the lamp behind him. It tinkles like a tin can as it bounces
along the ground... God, it's just PATHETICALLY SAD.
You see what happens? YOU SEE WHAT
(not believing it)
It's not so bad...
Look at me, I'm a freak! A halfling
mutant with- with deformed fetus
(reaching to help him)
Well, maybe we can still-
AH GET OFF IT HURTS! I'm in so much
pain- a constant, deep, hard,
He touches his deformed section: A REVOLTING SQUISH.
Ah, what IS IT, even?
I know a pretty good plastic
surgeon. Dr. Sid Farcus. He could-
The genie lifts his waistband. Looks under pants, REALIZING:
Oh, no... oh, sh*t... %#$& you, Al.
Oh, %#$& you.
Can't you just sorta, "alakazam!"-
I'm HUMAN, you %#$&. I'm just a
"guy." I can't do anything. Watch
this- wish for something.
I get it. You don't have to-
No, do it. Say, "I want the Nile."
I want the Nile.
The genie SNAPS SARCASTICALLY (maybe with a "retarded groan"
to go along with it). Surprisingly, the NILE RIVER appears
on the landscape spread out below them.
Your wish is my command.
ANOTHER GENIE has appeared next to Aladdin.
You have another genie?!
Hey, I'm Carl.
How many wishes do you have left?!
One, but, I promised Carl I'd free
(to Carl, grandly)
I wish you to be HUMAN-oh shit.
The other genie TRANSFORMS into a normal human (as he wasn't
coming out of the lamp at the time).
Ah, it's okay. Least I can walk.
Later, Fetus Legs.
What am I supposed to do now?
The genie breaks down and flops his hands out in despair. An
older lady walks by and places a dollar into them.
I'm not homeless!
The genie starts to CRAWL PATHETICALLY away from them, using
big awkward two-handed ground-grabs and dragging the lamp.
I had PLANS, Al- I was gonna see
the world. I have a girl in Morocco
waiting for me.
(gets stuck under a rock,
moves it. Quietly:)
Ugh, come on-
The old me, I mean. I used to be
FUNNY! Gandhi, Jack Nicholson- you
remember that? "HAHAHA! What'll he
say next?" She wanted THAT genie,
not some sad puddle of flesh!
The genie arrives at a foot-high FOUNTAIN. As he finishes
his speech, he goes limp and flops his head into the water.
Aladdin and Jasmine look for a moment, confused. Then,
Aladdin notices the genie's lower half TWITCH. Alarmed, he
dashes over and pulls the genie's wet head out of the water.
(LONG GASP OF AIR, then:)
WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET ME DIE?!
The SULTAN joins them on the terrace, all smiles.
Aladdin, I'm changing the law. You
and my daughter can be married!
Aladdin and Jasmine gasp with delight. They hug and kiss.
They part lips, and Aladdin breaks into song:
I can show you the world...
Cut to the genie, wet, lying on the ground.
Hey! Come on!
Shining, shimmering, splendid...
Don't ignore me!
Tell me princess, now when did-
As he sings, cut back to the Genie, holding the bottle in
his left hand. He's BLEEDING PROFUSELY from his fetus legs.
Oh, I ripped off the bottle. That
was not the right move...
I can open your eyes...
(SURROUNDED BY BLOOD)
This needs to be dealt with...