Aladdin's Mistake

By

Dan Gurewitch & David Young

          EXT. SULTAN'S PALACE TERRACE - DAY

          Aladdin stands with Jasmine. He holds the MAGIC LAMP up to
          his ear, listens, and knocks softly on it.

                              ALADDIN
                    Genie, come out! Jafar is gone!

                              GENIE
                         (from inside)
                    Good job, Al. I suppose you'll be
                    wanting your third wish now.

          Aladdin thinks for a moment. Looks at Jasmine, who smiles.

                              JASMINE
                    You know what you need to do.

          Aladdin smiles at her, nods. Places the lamp on the ground.

                              ALADDIN
                    I wish...
                         (the lamp RATTLES)
                    I wish...
                         (the lamp is surrounded by
                         SMOKE WISPS & SPARKLES)
                    I wish...

          THE GENIE emerges from the lamp. At the point where he's
          just about HALFWAY OUT OF IT, Aladdin belts:

                              ALADDIN
                    I WISH FOR YOU TO BE HUMAN!

                              GENIE
                         (surrounded by sparkles)
                    AHH! WAIT, WHAT?

          The genie completes his transformation and SLAMS ONTO THE
          GROUND. Colored smoke wisps obscure his lower half. His top
          half is a HUMAN VERSION OF THE GENIE (same face,
          flesh-colored & normal-sized). He GROANS in pain. Aladdin
          winces.

                              ALADDIN
                    Ooh.

                              GENIE
                         (looking up at him)
                    "FREE." I said the word was "FREE,"
                    not "HUMAN!"

                              ALADDIN
                    Same difference...

                              GENIE
                    And you had to say it when I was
                    coming out of the damn lamp?

                              ALADDIN
                    Why's it matter?

                              GENIE
                    Oh, why's it matter, huh?

          The genie blows awkward huffs and puffs at his legs,
          straining his neck. The smoke dissipates, revealing: HORRID
          DEFORMED LEGS, that right past his mid-section, gel into a
          HALF-FORMED FLESHY MESS that squeeze back into the bottle.

                              ALADDIN
                         (horrified)
                    AHHHHH!

          Jasmine BARFS, HARD. The genie crawls a few feet, dragging
          the lamp behind him. It tinkles like a tin can as it bounces
          along the ground... God, it's just PATHETICALLY SAD.

                              GENIE
                    You see what happens? YOU SEE WHAT
                    HAPPENS?

                              ALADDIN
                         (not believing it)
                    It's not so bad...

                              GENIE
                    Look at me, I'm a freak! A halfling
                    mutant with- with deformed fetus
                    legs!

                              ALADDIN
                         (reaching to help him)
                    Well, maybe we can still-

                              GENIE
                    AH GET OFF IT HURTS! I'm in so much
                    pain- a constant, deep, hard,
                    stinging pain!

          He touches his deformed section: A REVOLTING SQUISH.

                              GENIE
                    Ah, what IS IT, even?

                              ALADDIN
                    I know a pretty good plastic
                    surgeon. Dr. Sid Farcus. He could-

          The genie lifts his waistband. Looks under pants, REALIZING:

                              GENIE
                    Oh, no... oh, sh*t... %#$& you, Al.
                    Oh, %#$& you.

                              ALADDIN
                    Can't you just sorta, "alakazam!"-

                              GENIE
                    I'm HUMAN, you %#$&. I'm just a
                    "guy." I can't do anything. Watch
                    this- wish for something.

                              ALADDIN
                    I get it. You don't have to-

                              GENIE
                    No, do it. Say, "I want the Nile."

                              ALADDIN
                         (reluctantly)
                    I want the Nile.

          The genie SNAPS SARCASTICALLY (maybe with a "retarded groan"
          to go along with it). Surprisingly, the NILE RIVER appears
          on the landscape spread out below them.

                              GENIE
                    What the-?!

                              OTHER GENIE
                    Your wish is my command.

          ANOTHER GENIE has appeared next to Aladdin.

                              GENIE
                    You have another genie?!

                              OTHER GENIE
                    Hey, I'm Carl.

                              GENIE
                         (to Aladdin)
                    How many wishes do you have left?!

                              ALADDIN
                    One, but, I promised Carl I'd free
                    him too.
                         (to Carl, grandly)
                    I wish you to be HUMAN-oh shit.

          The other genie TRANSFORMS into a normal human (as he wasn't
          coming out of the lamp at the time).

                              OTHER GENIE
                    Ah, it's okay. Least I can walk.
                         (leaving)
                    Later, Fetus Legs.

                              GENIE
                    What am I supposed to do now?

          The genie breaks down and flops his hands out in despair. An
          older lady walks by and places a dollar into them.

                              GENIE
                    I'm not homeless!

          The genie starts to CRAWL PATHETICALLY away from them, using
          big awkward two-handed ground-grabs and dragging the lamp.

                              GENIE
                    I had PLANS, Al- I was gonna see
                    the world. I have a girl in Morocco
                    waiting for me.
                         (gets stuck under a rock,
                         moves it. Quietly:)
                    Ugh, come on-
                         (continues crawling)
                    The old me, I mean. I used to be
                    FUNNY! Gandhi, Jack Nicholson- you
                    remember that? "HAHAHA! What'll he
                    say next?" She wanted THAT genie,
                    not some sad puddle of flesh!

          The genie arrives at a foot-high FOUNTAIN. As he finishes
          his speech, he goes limp and flops his head into the water.

          Aladdin and Jasmine look for a moment, confused. Then,
          Aladdin notices the genie's lower half TWITCH. Alarmed, he
          dashes over and pulls the genie's wet head out of the water.

                              GENIE
                         (LONG GASP OF AIR, then:)
                    WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET ME DIE?!

          The SULTAN joins them on the terrace, all smiles.

                              SULTAN
                    Aladdin, I'm changing the law. You
                    and my daughter can be married!

          Aladdin and Jasmine gasp with delight. They hug and kiss.
          They part lips, and Aladdin breaks into song:

                              ALADDIN
                    I can show you the world...

          Cut to the genie, wet, lying on the ground.

                              GENIE
                    Hey! Come on!

                              ALADDIN
                    Shining, shimmering, splendid...

                              GENIE
                    Don't ignore me!

                              ALADDIN
                    Tell me princess, now when did-

          As he sings, cut back to the Genie, holding the bottle in
          his left hand. He's BLEEDING PROFUSELY from his fetus legs.

                              GENIE
                         (concerned)
                    Oh, I ripped off the bottle. That
                    was not the right move...

                              ALADDIN
                    I can open your eyes...

                              GENIE
                         (SURROUNDED BY BLOOD)
                    This needs to be dealt with...

          END.