From CH Staff on
So smooth you'll want to let it go to voicemail.
INT. STUDIO SPACE NATHAN, SHAWN, and WANYA - BOYZ II MEN - address camera in a well-appointed studio space. NATHAN Hi, I'm Nathan, this is Shawn, that's Wanya, and we're Phish. (beat, still flat) Naw, just kidding. We're Boyz II Men. And here are some ring tones for your cellular device of choice. LOWER THIRD: BOYZ II MEN PRESENTS: RING TONES One of the guys checks their pitch. The lights dim a bit. LOWER THIRD: THE ORIGINAL In beautiful harmony, the guys sing: BOYZ II MEN Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. LOWER THIRD: THE IPHONE The guys sing a stylized, R&B version of Marimba, the default iPhone ring tone. SHAWN Now here's one for when you need to be a little more... discreet. LOWER THIRD: VIBRATE BOYZ II MEN Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. This phone's on- (spoken) -vibrate. Shawn winks to camera. NATHAN Apparently this next one's a big hit with the kids. LOWER THIRD: NYAN CAT The guys launch into a much slower, smoother version of the famous YouTube video. NATHAN Don't make many phone calls? All gravy, baby. We got you covered. LOWER THIRD: TEXT MESSAGE BOYZ II MEN Words. Words. Words. You just got sent some words. LOWER THIRD: PICTURE MESSAGE BOYZ II MEN Picture message. Maybe it'll be boobs. (quick) Don't open it in public. LOWER THIRD: E-MAIL BOYZ II MEN I'm your e-mail notifier. / Why do you have an audible e-mail notifier? / That's really unnecessary. / And kind of inconsiderate. BOYZ II MEN And finally, here a few tones for those special someones in your electronic phone book. LOWER THIRD: MOM BOYZ II MEN It's your mother. / You should pick up. / She pushed you out her lady parts. Wanya kisses two fingers. WANYA Love you, mom. LOWER THIRD: WEED DEALER BOYZ II MEN Hey it's your weed guy. / Unless your parents or cops are around. / Then it's definitely not your weed guy. (long beat) But, yeah, it's your weed guy. LOWER THIRD: EX-GIRLFRIEND BOYZ II MEN Let it go to voice-mail. LOWER THIRD: EX-GIRLFRIEND, BUT YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER BOYZ II MEN Seriously. Let it go to voice-mail. A beat. Suddenly, the guys point and stare at camera, as if to stop somebody from picking up the phone. LOWER THIRD: BLOCKED NUMBER BOYZ II MEN It's a mystery. / It's a mystery. WANYA Maybe it's the President. The other two guys turn and stare at him. WANYA But most likely not. NATHAN Finally, here's a list of names so you can personalize your voice-mail with that B2M touch. SHAWN (clarifying) Boyz II Men. NATHAN Yeah, they know. LOWER THIRD: PERSONALIZED RING TONE Nathan takes out a long LIST. BOYZ II MEN Hey, Aaron, pick up your phone. (beat) Hey, Abbott, pick up your phone. (beat) Hey, Abdul, pick up your phone. (beat) Hey, Abe, pick up your phone. (beat) Hey, Adam- END.