Don't drag her into this.
By Dan Gurewitch
INT./EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS
FAST-PACED CUTS over CHARMING MUSIC.
Begin with the FIRST TEN SECONDS of the actual ad: Siri says
"What can I help you with?" Then: "We have a flat tire."
"How do I tie a bowtie again?" "What's the fastest way to
Hartford Hospital?" "Do I need an umbrella in New York this
weekend?" "Remind me to call Chris when I get home."
Then, continue with NEW FOOTAGE: A MAN walks down a street,
and a WOMAN (his wife) sits on her bed at home. They both
speak into their iPhones, growing increasingly agitated.
Tell my wife I'm gonna be 30
Tell my husband I'm not surprised.
Tell my wife if she has a problem
with my work schedule she is more
than welcome to get a job of her
Tell my husband that I do just as
much work as he does.
Tell my wife that if watching
"Ellen" is a job she should get a
CU: Woman's iPhone as SIRI speaks in her robotic voice:
Message from your husband: "I
Bullshit. What'd he actually say?
Please don't drag me into this.
Siri, call my husband.
(as phone rings)
Siri, ignore the call from my bitch
Tell my husband that he said he'd
respect my choice to stay at home
with our child.
Tell my wife I would, but she can't
even get around to washing his
Did you want me to search for
flower shops nearby?
Tell my husband that at least when
I sit on the washing machine, I
Send my wife this picture.
Cut to Woman's iPhone: a picture of a MIDDLE FINGER.
And ask her if the washing machine
Cut to Woman's iPhone:
...the only thing you've been
sitting on lately.
Ask my husband what he means by
Tell my wife I think she knows.
CU on Woman's iPhone with search results:
Hey look, I Googled "Anger
Tell my husband to think very
carefully before he says whatever
he's about to say.
Ask my wife if she's fucking Jim
I have scheduled Couples' Therapy
for Thursday at 6.
Tell my husband how dare he!
Tell my wife that's not an answer!
...Is this my fault?
Tell my husband I will not answer
ASK MY WIFE IF SHE'S FUCKING JIM
Searching for: A Place To Hide.
(in angry tears)
Tell my husband he wishes it was
JUST Jim MacPherson.
I don't want to.
Please don't make me.
SEND MY WIFE DIRECTIONS TO HELL!
The woman unleashes an ANGUISHED SCREAM.
The man unleashes an ANGUISHED SCREAM.
The woman throws her iPhone down; it SMASHES on the ground.
The man throws his iPhone down; it SMASHES on the ground.
SOBS as the camera ZOOMS slowly in on a SMASHED IPHONE.
Say goodbye to the most amazing
TITLE AND APPLE LOGO OVER WHITE: iPhone 4s
Man stands outside Woman's window, holding his phone above
Siri, play "In Your Eyes" by Peter
You can't be serious.