In this episode of VHS, macrame gets scary.
By Mitch Magee & Josh Ruben
TITLE SEQUENCE: OVER THEME SONG, "COME MACRAME WITH ME!":
CATHY SIMONS(45), fat cheerful mid-western housewife in a
tacky ornate sweater and pants from the mid-eighties, rises
into frame against a lavender backdrop. She sinks below the
frame and then emerges and sinks again from the top and then
the sides, winking, holding bundles of yarn, blowing kisses
etc. Intercut are pictures of MACRAME PROJECTS.
INT. A "CRAFT CORNER" SET
A fake early-80s suburban den -- lots of cheesy macrame
projects neatly hanging from the walls. In the center is a
wooden crafting table with macrame materials arranged in
Cathy sits at the table and addresses the camera in CU:
Hello my darlings. Hello everyone
out there in crafting land. Welcome
to another installment of "Come
Macrame with Me". Now let me begin
as I always do, by telling you all
how precious you are to me. If you
didn't tune in to my show each
week, I honestly don't know what I
would do with myself.
Now last week, we made this
beautiful sun, and the week before
that we made a frog and I thought
those were wonderful projects. As
you know, I like to choose the
project we make. I bring this up,
because I have lately been
receiving a several letters a week
from people asking that I make a
INSERT: Letters from viewers.
"Dear Cathy, I would like to make a
make a macrame owl. Can you show me
"Dear Cathy, I believe a good
project would be a macrame owl.
Owls are lots of fun to make."
"Dear Cathy, Every week I ask you
to make an owl and you still won't
make an owl. Please make an owl!"
In CU, Cathy gets serious.
Now, as I have stated many times
before, I am deathly afraid of
owls. They severely frighten me.
This is the reason we have never
made an owl on this program. If I
made an owl, I would fly into a fit
and destroy the craft corner.
But the letters keep coming, asking
me to make an owl. So as a
compromise, I've invited the
"macrame pals" to join me today and
I will teach them all how to make a
macrame owl but I will do it with
my eyes closed because as I have
repeated told all of you, I am
deathly afraid of owls and I don't
want to do this. So let's bring out
FIVE CHILDERN(8-12) in 1980s outfits and hairstyles enter.
JUMP CUTS: Cathy, HOLDING HER EYES, carefully giving
instructions on how to make a macrame owl as the children
Now start with your one-inch brass
Tie a half-hitch and work your way
all the way around, wrapping the
yarn as you go. Have you all done
that, Macrame Pals?
Three strands down, make a knot to
complete the row,
Okay, now that the eyes are
finished, we have to make the body.
And now you should all be done with
JUMP CUTS: One by one, the children trick Cathy into showing
their completed owls and Cathy SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF HER
LUNGS eventually knocking objects over in terror, ruining
Does this look good Cathy?
Well, let me see.
Cathy look at this!
Okay. Ahhhh! Why did you trick me?
Does this look alright?
Noooo! Help me!!!
JUMP CUTS: Cathy destroys the set.