Hardly Working: Children's Film

By

Dan Gurewitch & Patrick Cassels

          INT. OFFICE - DAZED & CONFUSED

          DAN, PATRICK, DAVID and EMILY sit around.

                              DAN
                    Now at this point, the princess has
                    begun to fall in love with the
                    furry monster.  In this scene, her
                    enchanted friends start singing a
                    song about their love - but what
                    are the visuals?  Where are we
                    taking people, on this journey?

                              PATRICK
                    Right.  The music beings.  Strings,
                    flute.  The princess and the
                    monster see each other.  And then,
                    he...

          They start spit-balling, throwing out rapid-fire ideas. 
          Dialogue can be more chaotic and ad-libbed in nature than
          the following, but these lines are a guide.

                              DAVID
                    Cums on her tits.  Cums on her
                    face.

                              EMILY
                    Cums on her face.  Cums in her ass.

                              DAN
                    Cums on her back, cums in her hair.

                              PATRICK
                    Cums in her mouth, cums in her
                    nose.

                              DAVID
                    Cums on her eyes, cums on her nips-

                              EMILY
                    -Meets her at the top of the
                    stairs!

                              DAN
                    Perfect! I love it.  So they're at
                    the top of the stairs, and she-

                              EMILY
                    Sucks on his dick.  Sucks on her
                    tit.

                              PATRICK
                    Cums in his face.  Face in her
                    tits.

                              DAN
                    Tits on his dick.  Shits on her
                    tits.

                              DAVID
                    Coot on her puss.  Puss in her
                    boots-

                              PATRICK
                    -The frying pan begins to sing!

                              DAN
                    Perfect!  I love it.  So they walk
                    down the stairs, the frying pan
                    begins to sing.  It's beautiful. 
                    Then...

                              DAVID
                    He nuts in her ass.  Ass in her
                    face.

                              EMILY
                    Cums on his nuts.  Nuts in her
                    butt.

                              PATRICK
                    Eats out her tits.  Cums on her
                    knee.

                              DAN
                    Sucks on her dick, farts in his
                    puss.

                              DAVID
                    Kisses her tits, shits on her
                    clit...  They being to slow-dance!

                              DAN
                    Perfect!  I love it.  So they're
                    slow-dancing.  It's romantic, it's
                    grandiose.  Not a dry eye in the
                    room.  And, she...

                              EMILY
                    Fucks in his butts.  Beats all his
                    meats.

                              DAVID
                    East out her feet, jizz on her
                    waist.

                              PATRICK
                    Face in her snatch, tastin' her
                    puss.

                              DAN
                    Jizz in a glass, glass in her ass.

                              EMILY
                    East all her farts, nose in her
                    sharts.

                              PATRICK
                    Balls in her throat, pees in a jar.

                              DAVID
                    Fucks in her shoes, dicks on her
                    moobs.

                              DAN
                    Cums on a cat, cat's up her ass-

                              TWO OTHERS
                    Cat's up her ass-

                              ALL FOUR
                    Cat's up her ass, cat's up her ass,
                    cat's up her ass, there's a cat in
                    her ass-

                              PATRICK
                    They walk off together onto the
                    balcony!

                              DAN
                    Perfect!  I love it.  Now, one more
                    thing before lunch.  I am working
                    on an amateur pornographic film and
                    I do need some ideas for that. 
                    So.  The pizza guy shows up at the
                    girl's house, and he walks inside
                    and unbuckles his belt.  Then...

                              PATRICK
                    He uses his third wish to set the
                    genie free!

                              DAN
                    Perfect!  I love it!

          END.