By Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY The end of class. MARY-KATE approaches LIMOR as she packs up her things. MARY-KATE Jewish-looking girl? LIMOR Human holocaust? MARY-KATE Mary-Kate. That's okay. WE haven't MET met. Like met for lunch at the Met. A beat. LIMOR Anyway, bye. MARY-KATE Wait, I got your Facebook invite! I'm inny like like a good bellybutton! LIMOR Uh... I just sent that to everyone. MARY-KATE So everyone's going to be there? Because Elijah Wood and I are in a fight about how much he sucks. I say he sucks, he disagrees. LIMOR Yeah, Elijah Wood isn't coming. MARY-KATE Then I'll be there! How much are seats? LIMOR It's free. MARY-KATE Like a public benefit for the City of New York? LIMOR Yeah, like that. MARY-KATE Should I bring money anyway? Is there merch? LIMOR There's a two-drink minimum. MARY-KATE No worries. Is there a maximum? Because, in that case, worries. LIMOR There's no maximum. MARY-KATE Can I get a +1? In case Elijah Wood stops sucking? LIMOR I... MARY-KATE Can I get a VIP pass? VVIP? How deep do the Vs go? How deep can my V-neck be? Is there a dress code? Is there a code to the VIP room? Can I get a VIP pass? LIMOR Look, I'm not going to fuck with you, okay? This isn't some big concert. This is me and my friends rocking out in the basement of a bar, making the earth quiver. Are you into that shit? Mary-Kate looks shocked, but slowly but surely raises up her hand, which is making a rock symbol. LIMOR Fine. The Petri Dish. Midnight. MARY-KATE Oooh, I'm tired at midnight. Is there a matinee? Limor shoots her a look. MARY-KATE I mean... is there MDMA? LIMOR You do drugs? MARY-KATE Uh... Is the sky purple right now? LIMOR The sky is black to me. The sky is always black to me. MARY-KATE (laughing nervously) Like your lipstick. LIMOR Yeah, black is my thing. MARY-KATE You Jews and your blacks. Sorry, sorry. You Jewish people and your African-Americans. LIMOR I'm not Jewish. MARY-KATE What?! You just rocked my world. LIMOR Wait til tonight. End.