Original
Shorts / Official Spoiler Rules
The stars of your favorite TV shows teach you how not to ruin them for your friends.
Script
Official Spoiler Rules
By David Young & Ben Joseph
INT./EXT. VARIOUS
In a quick MONTAGE, the ACTORS who will be appearing in the
piece address camera:
ANDRE ROYO
We're glad you watch our shows-
[ACTOR]
-and we're even happier you enjoy
talking about them.
[ACTOR]
But in this era of DVR, DVD, and
the Internet, not everybody's
watching at the same time.
[ACTOR]
And that's led to many friends,
family members, even co-workers
fighting over spoilers.
[ACTOR]
Spoilers.
ANDRE ROYO
Spoilers.
[ACTOR]
Spoilers.
[ACTOR]
We want to stop spoiler fights once
and for all.
ANDRE ROYO
That's why we're here to establish
official spoiler etiquette.
LOWER THIRD: SPOILER ETIQUETTE, Rev. 2011
CUT TO:
[ACTOR] addresses camera. A LOWER THIRD identifies all
actors by their NAME and SPOILER TITLE. (I.e., MICHAEL
EMERSON, LOST SPOILER, S2E14)
[ACTOR]
Spoilers cease being spoilers two
weeks after a standard episode, two
months after a season finale, and
one year after a series finale.
CUT TO:
Two GUYS discuss a show near Andre.
ANDRE ROYO
When recommending television,
general enthusiasm is permitted.
GUY 1
Dude! I can't believe you haven't
watched The Wire! It was great!
ANDRE ROYO
Pointed enthusiasm, however, is
strictly forbidden.
GUY 2
You won't believe what Omar does in
the season three finale.
A negative BUZZ at this spoiler. OVERLAY: SPOILER!
CUT TO:
Two GIRLS discuss a show near [ACTOR].
[ACTOR]
Spoilers spoken in pig Latin,
gibberish, or French will still be
considered spoilers.
GIRL 1
I can't believe Im-jay ied-day!
BUZZ. OVERLAY: SPOILER!
[ACTOR]
Mandarin is OK.
GIRL 2
(sub-titled, in Mandarin)
A pleasant DING!
CUT TO:
[ACTOR]
In conversation, if the up to date
viewers are in the majority, they
may ask behind viewers to leave.
REVEAL: Near [ACTOR], two UP-TO-DATE VIEWERS face off
against two BEHIND VIEWERS.
[ACTOR]
If the groups are equal, they must
ro-sham-bo for dominance.
Two of the viewers face off in rock-paper-scissors.
[ACTOR]
If the first two rounds end in a
tie, the groups must engage in a
last man standing knife fight.
The viewers whip out knifes and go at each other.
CUT TO:
MAN and WOMAN eye each other cautiously near [ACTOR].
[ACTOR]
During the 24 hours after a show
airs - aka the "Red Zone" - both
up-to-date and behind parties agree
to be especially vigilant in
avoiding spoilers.
The two start to say something to each other, then give up
and exit in opposite directions.
CUT TO:
[ACTOR] stands next to a YOUNG MAN.
[ACTOR]
Any sentence prefaced with any
variation on the following phrase-
YOUNG MAN
Don't worry, cause this isn't
really a spoiler-
[ACTOR]
-will not only be automatically
deemed a spoiler, but the person
uttering said phrase is not allowed
to speak for the next 45 minutes.
Young man opens his mouth to say something.
[ACTOR]
(stopping him)
Ah ah ah!
(points)
Now go sit on the stool.
He sadly sits on a previously unseen STOOL.
CUT TO:
A GIRL types on a IPAD near [ACTOR].
[ACTOR]
Viewers shall seek out information
online at their own risk. A spoiler
alert is considerate, but should by
no means be expected.
GIRL
(re: computer)
Ah, crap! Seriously?
(defensive)
I just wanted his dog's name!
[ACTOR]
(to her, not looking)
It's your own damn fault, Chelsea.
CUT TO:
MAN 1 chews out MAN 2.
MAN 1
I can't believe it! You just ruined
all of the Walking Dead for me!
WIDE reveals [ACTOR].
[ACTOR]
If, in spite of all these rules, an
up-to-date viewer spoils a show for
you, you may spoil something for
them in return.
MAN
(smug)
Your wife's pregnant!
MAN 2
What?
[ACTOR]
(uncomfortable)
Revenge spoilers shall be limited
to the medium of the original
spoiler.
(subdued, to Man 2)
But, uh, congratulations.
CUT TO:
[ACTOR]
So please. Follow these simple
rules, and we can all finally stop
fighting over spoilers.
A MAN from one of the earlier scenes enter.
MAN
I'm sorry, are you [actor]? I just
LOVED your work on [show]. I mean,
I can't believe you di--
[ACTOR] plugs their ears.
[ACTOR]
Ah ah ah! I haven't seen it yet!
END.
Credits
cast
- Himself - Michael Trucco
- Bar Guy 1 - Mike Mauloff
- Bar Guy 2 - Jacob Womack
- Bar Guy 3 - Marshall Givens
- Bar Girl 1 - Sarah Jane Satow
- Himself - Andre Royo
- Movie Guy - Jake Hurwitz
- Himself - Masi Oka
- Movie Girl - Jessica Williams
- Herself - Julie Benz
- Movie Theatre Girl 2 - Milana Vayntrub
- Movie Theatre Girl 1 - Heidi Niedermeyer
- iPad Girl - Lindsay Ames
- BBQ Guy - Luke Sholl
- Himself - Nelson Ellis
- Herself - Sarah Wayne Callies
- Guy 1 - Patrick Cassels
- Guy 2 - Josh Ruben
- Blonde Guy - Ben Joseph
crew
- Director - Matthew Pollock
- Creighton Desimone
- Josh Ruben
- Writer - Ben Joseph
- David Young
- Producer - Creighton Desimone
- Jeremy Reitz
- David Kerns
- Steve Cozzarelli
- Cinematography - Marcus McDougald
- Editor - Sam Jacobson
- President of Original Content - Sam Reich
- Executive Producer - Spencer Griffin
- Director of Post Production - Michael Schaubach
- Production Manager - Sam Sparks
- Assistant Production Manager - Jeremy Reitz
- Post Production Producer - Lacy Wittman
- Art Director - Alisha Silverstein
- Ruby Jones
- Hair and Makeup - Kat Tritto
- Production Coordinator - Jeremy Reitz
- Nasser Khan
- 1st Assistant Director - Kirk Fellows
- Sound Mixer - BoTown Sound
- Graphics - Hannah Grotbo
- 1st Assistant Camera - Shane Moore
- Gaffer - Stephen Chang
- Grip - Joe Spain
- Assistant Editor - Phil Fox
- Post Production Coordinator - Amanda Madden
- Production Accountant - Christine Rodriguez
- Assistant Production Accountant - Daniel Siegel
- Erin Marshall
- Intern - Jason Fassler
- Telon Weathington
- Director of Photography - Vincent Peone
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