The Adventures of Kim Jong Un

By

Ben Joseph

          A CATCHY THEME SONG PLAYS under a series of ILLUSTRATED
          STILLS. Every time they're sung, the words KIM JONG UN
          appear in huge letters on-screen.

          NOTE: Kim Jong UN does not speak or change facial
          expressions for the entire show.

          - Kim Jong Un wears a CAPE and holding a FLAMING SWORD.

                              SINGER
                    The Adventures of Kim Jong Un!

          - Kim Jong Un holds a baby Kim Jong Un (identical to his
          adult self, just smaller) out over an adoring crowd.

          - Kim Jong Un surfs on a rainbow.

                              SINGER
                    Written and directed by Kim Jong
                    Un!

          - Kim Jong Un runs from a HUGE CROWD of adoring fans, a la
          the Beatles in Hard Day's Night.

                              SINGER
                         (super quick)
                    Made by animators who voluntarily
                    left their families and refused
                    payment due to their love of- 
                         (normal speed)
                    Kim Jong Un!

          QUICK IMAGES of King Jon Un fighting monsters, doing a
          hand-stand, etc. and a quick card that clearly says "PLEASE
          COME SAVE US."                             

          INT. KIM JONG UN'S PALACE

          Kim Jong Un stares out the window as a robot MINISTER talks.

                              MINISTER
                         (robot voice)
                    Your show is the most popular show!
                    Everybody loves it! There is only
                    one thing wrong, oh glorious
                    stallion of liberty...

          Kim Jong Un turns around. The minister swallows.

                              MINISTER
                    ...the Internet continues to spread
                    lies about you, Supreme leader.
                    They are jealous of your power,
                    good looks, and dancing abilities.

          Kim Jong Un looks out the window. His eyes narrow.

          Kim Jong Un transforms into a JET. The jet jumps on a HORSE
          WITH WINGS. The HORSE WITH WINGS stands on a flying carpet.
          The carpet sprouts rocket boosters and they fly away.

          EXT. NORTH KOREA

          Kim Jong Un flies over a GOLDEN PARADISE. Well-dressed,
          prosperous CITIZENS wave at him.

                              CITIZENS
                    Spontaneous cheering!

          EXT. AMERICA

          A TERRIBLE WASTELAND. Two caricatures of OBAMA and BRUCE
          WILLIS stand next to a VERY HIGH WALL.

                              OBAMA
                    We need to make the wall higher,
                    Bruce Willis, people are still
                    trying to escape to North Korea!

          They spot Kim Jong Un, now a person again, on his
          horse/carpet combo.

                              OBAMA
                    Look! Our most handsomest enemy!
                    Stop him!

          Bruce Willis raises a RIFLE. He tries to shoot, but the
          rifle goes limp.

                              BRUCE WILLIS
                    I'm sorry, Obama, I can't. He's too
                    magnificent.

                               OBAMA
                    You're right. Also, he's probably
                    bulletproof.

                              FLYING HORSE
                    He is! It's true!

          INT. DARK BASEMENT

          An UGLY, ACNE SCARRED INTERNET USER sits at a computer.

                              INTERNET USER
                    Oh great irony! I make fun of Kim
                    Jong Un's body while I am the
                    morbidly obese one!
                         (shaking his fists)
                    Top doctors say his weight is ideal
                    for his height and build!

          The door to the basement bursts open. Glorious golden light
          shines in. It's KIM JONG UN.

                              INTERNET USER
                    Ah! I defecate myself in fear!

          Kim Jong Un pulls out a sword. A LIGHTSABER extends from the
          top of it. He and the user begin an epic sword fight.

                              INTERNET USER
                    You fight with the strength of one
                    with many real friends who always
                    laugh at your jokes!

          Kim Jong Un backs up and start to MOONWALK.

                              INTERNET USER
                    His moonwalking is... Too...
                    Good... Such a talented...
                    Dancer...

          His guard down, Kim Jong Un stabs the user with his sword.

                              INTERNET USER
                         (weakly)
                    Thank you.

          He dies and melts into a pile of slush. A BLONDE WOMAN runs
          out to hug Kim Jong Un.

                              FLYING CARPET
                    American actress Veronica Mars!

                              VERONICA MARS
                    The Internet was holding me
                    prisoner. You saved me, Kim Jong
                    Un! And my lady squirrel friend!

          A SEXY ANTHROPOMORPHIC SQUIRREL enters.

                              LADY SQUIRREL
                    We're both your girlfriends now and
                    want to kiss you.

                              VERONICA MARS
                    Without anybody telling us to!

          The both kiss his cheeks. Kim Jong Un looks up to the sky.
          The CLOUDS PART and a ghostly KIM JONG IL stares down.

                              KIM JONG IL
                         (lips not moving)
                    I love you son.

          A SINGLE TEAR comes from Kim Jong Un's eye. He nods, then
          suddenly throws a NUCLEAR MISSILE, blowing up Kim Jong Il.

                              KIM JONG UN
                    I am the one true ruler now.

          CREDITS ROLL. All names are KIM JONG UN.  

          END.