On April 1st we announced a hip, new CollegeHumor.com. We were kidding, thank God.
By Patrick Cassels
We are watching a fun, animated website tutorial. Our tone and features will be a little worse, and a little more grating. STREETER (animated) walks in front of the CH home page. STREETER Hey! Streeter from CollegeHumor here. I'm really excited to tell you about some cool new features we're going to be rolling out over the next few years-- As Street talks, CHESTER THE JESTER (the former CH logo's head with a buff shirtless body) tiptoes behind him and cheesily pulls a lever, sending Street falling down a trap door with a silly "Ieeeeeee!" CHESTER (calling after Street) Adios, Street! (to CAMERA) Hey, it's me, Chester the Jester. And I'm here to "shock" CollegeHumor into the new millennium. Introducing: CollegeHumor's Campus Quad... Chester "tears" away the old CollegeHumor behind him, like a curtain, revealing an ugly modified CH logo that reads "COLLEGEHUMOR'S CAMPUS QUAD." CHESTER Campus Quad combines the CH you love with a brand-new social networking experience. Follow me! Chester "dives" into the logo, like a portal. INT. CAMPUS - HALLWAY CUT TO a minimalist animation of a college hallway. Chester enters, riding a unicycle and doing a Diablo. All the students/users (male and female) are modified versions of Chester. As Chester lists each feature, its name pops up (in Saucy Millionaire font). CHESTER With Campus Quad, you can connect with other CollegeHumor users like never before. Post status updates on your "White Board," "Pass a Note" to your best friends, and join your favorite "Hall" to find users who share your interests. As Chester lists the above features, he passes, in order... -White Board: large dorm door-style white board as a the status update, "OWEN IS WATCHING JAKE AND AMIR!" appears -Pass a Note: large piece of notebook paper reading, "You goin' to the party?" folds itself up and lands on the desk of a STUDYING CHESTER in the BG. -Hall: FRIEND CHESTER 1, also riding a unicycle and doing a diablo (i.e. "shares Chester's interests), enters and gives our Chester a thumbs up. CHESTER And don't waste time "poking" around. We know CollegeHumor users are out-of-control trendsetters. So here on Campus Quad we "Pong" our friends. Chester throws a beer pong ball at FRIEND CHESTER 1, who catches it in a red cup as "Pong'd" appears above him. They ride off. CUT TO: INT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - CLASSROOM Chester enters another hallway, this time on skate-shoes. Again, the names of the features appear in the CH font as he lists them: CHESTER Campus Quad is all about Interactivity, Viral Culture and tapping into the Webbutante lifestyle. We will update and alert you on the latest comedy from CollegeHumor, so you always know what's hot and what's crap. On The Quad you can "Pledge" to you favorite series and columns, "Buddy Up" to your favorite writer, and see what's "Vibing" on the site. -Pledge: Chester Friend 2 walks by wearing a shirt that says "Very Mary Kate" in a Greek font. -Buddy Up: Friend 2 locks arms with an animated Amir, done up to look like Chester a little. -Vibing: Friend 2 arrives at a crowd of other Chesters chatting about CollegeHumor. We see a cloud of CH buzz words ("New Episode!," "Hilarious," "Outrageous") pop over their heads. Chester rides off. CUT TO: EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - THE QUAD Chester is on one a slack-line as he talks. CHESTER Click around yourself to explore CollegeHumor "Flex Bucks," which you can use to get your fix on the hottest exclusive content and sweet CollegeHumor Merch'. And maybe even find true love when you sign up for "Panty Raid," CollegeHumor's first online dating service that puts you in the drivers seat. As Chester says the above we see... -Corny-looking dollar bills (with Chester’s face) rain down -A MALE AND FEMALE CHESTER skip accross frame, holding hands CHESTER This is Chester signing off. I'll see you on The Quad. Until then, as always, Shock and Troll. CUT TO the Campus Quad logo. END.