Enter an enchanted world where anything is possible, except good balance.
By Patrick Cassels & Emily Axford
EXT. NARNIA -- WOODS (LIKE A CHEAP PBS MOVIE)
Three very proper British children (older actors in silly
costumes), VIRGINIA, EDWARD and GEORGIE have just entered
the realm. They look around in wonder. Georgie is fat.
Where are we, Edward?
I don't know, Georgie. We just
stepped through the cupboard and--
And entered a magical realm!
REVEAL two talking wolves, LUCIUS and RUMPLEFUR,
standing on their hind legs.
Greetings. I am Lucius, and this is
Rumplefur. We've been awaiting your
(guarding younger siblings)
What do you want from us?
Lucius laughs and starts a dramatic speech. As he talks he
does a stately walk, but it's awkward and unbalanced, like a
dog that doesn't actually walk on two legs.
We need your help. The White Witch
has stolen the throne. Only you
three can save our kingdom.
(off his walk)
Are you okay? Are you injured?
Or... or dizzy?
We're fine! Stop wasting time. This
is a matter of great urgency!
In his anger, Rumplefur stomps his hind paw. This throws him
off balance. Hold on him for a beat as he sways to and fro.
(Note: we don't see below Rumplefur's waist yet.)
Beg your pardon, but you can walk
on all fours if that's more
Rumplefur and Lucius make APPALLED SCOFFING NOISES.
We're quite comfortable on two
legs! After all, we are enchanted
animals who, who talk. And walk. On
two legs. If we were normal dogs,
could I do this?
Oh yeah watch this!
For 10 seconds Lucius with great effort does a weird, wobbly
shuffle back and forth. His dog legs shake with effort. The
kids stare, deadpan.
That was supposed to be a tap
dance. The snow messed me up.
You don't need to impress us. You
talk. You live inside a cupboard.
Balderdash! We're not trying to
impress you. We're a noble race of
talking, definitely walking wolves.
Just then, BRYAN, another wolf, enters on all fours.
(in a stupid voice)
Three o'clock, guys! Time to sniff
each others' butts!
We have visitors, Bryan. Humans.
Bryan walks to Lucius and uses him to shimmy onto his hind
legs, grunting with difficulty as he does it.
Can I interest you in some lavender
cheese and elderberry wine?
He turns to a silver tray of food on a stump.
CLOSE UP on his doggy paws as they try and grab the wine and
food. He IMMEDIATELY knocks everything over.
Not a problem! We'll get that!
Rumplefur and Lucius try to bend down independently, but it
is unsuccessful. They doggy pant in their frustration.
Gimme your paw. I mean hand.
In an awkward motion, Rumplefur supports Lucius as he bends
down. Finally, they just kick away the dishes.
There we are, right as a raindrop.
Tell us, what was your journey
It was the most fantastic thing. We
stepped inside mumsy's cupboard
All the kids turn around. There's nothing there.
But it was right there!
The kids turn back around. REVEAL all the wolves on all
fours, panting. Rumplefur is licking himself.
Busted, the wolves jump back up to two legs awkwardly.
OH! I just dropped my, uh, monocle.
You weren't wearing a monocle.
Yah. Because he dropped it, kid.
Easy, Bryan. We are in the company
of our kingdom's saviors.
We bow before you, brave ones.
They stiffly and uncertainly lean forward. Two of them
instantly fall, the third barely catches himself.
Okay, that counts as a bow!
Are- are those bluejeans?
A quick PAN down Rumplefur's waist. REVEAL he is wearing
jeans -- tight little dad jeans with a cell phone clip.
CLOSE on the jeans as Rumplefur's paw caresses the denim.
Ah, these old things? No normal
wolf would wear these, eh?
Suddenly, a VIOLENT RUMBLE erupts.
What's going on?
It's the White Witch's army! Quick,
throw me that sword.
Georgie sees a sword stuck in the ground near him.
You're a wolf. Why don't you just
attack them? Like- like a wolf?
What? No time to talk. Give me the
Georgie hands Rumplefur the sword.
She shall taste my steel!
Rumplefur fumbles the sword like a cat with a toy, mumbling
to himself: "Oop, almost got it.. Hold on..."
Come with us! Speed is of the
Lucius and Bryan hop on two bikes, pedal and INSTANTLY fall.
Ouch ouch! Owwwwwwww!
Bryan and Lucius roll around, howling like dogs. END.