Murph falls for the grossest joke in the book.
By Brian Murphy
INT. CH OFFICE AKA THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL The GANG works quietly. MURPH finishes typing and takes a sip of his Sprite. Something isn't right. He takes off his headphones and stands up. MURPH Alright, real funny guys. Who put their dick in my Sprite? PAT takes his headphones off, baffled. PAT What? MURPH Don't play dumb, Pat. Was it you? If it was you just admit it and I won't be mad. PAT I didn't put my dick in your Sprite! MURPH Then why does it taste like dick skin, Patrick? PAT Why do you know what dick skin tastes like? Murph SLAMS down and gets in his face. He knows Pat did it. MURPH What is it about putting your dick in my Sprite that you love so much? Is it the way the bubbles feel on your dick? PAT How would I even fit my dick into a Sprite can? MURPH Squeeze the tip and mash it in. Pat cringes. MURPH Small price to pay when you get to watch that idiot Murph drink dick Sprite, huh? Murph backs up and yells to everyone, still looking at Pat. MURPH Come on, guys! Let's all be like Patrick and go around sticking our dicks in people's Sprites. It'll be a frickin' lark! Pat stands up and marches over. PAT Murph! You're a lunatic. No one put their dick in your Sprite. Look. Pat grabs Murph's Sprite and takes a sip of it. He motions "see?" but struggles to swallow it. His face sours. PAT That does taste like dick. MURPH Right? OWEN (O.S) Hey guys, WHIP to Owen, looking smug at his desk. OWEN it was me. I put my dick in your Sprite. Ya'll just got dick dunked by the O-dogg. JOSH enters. JOSH Wait. I put my dick in his Sprite. You did too? Owen nods. KEVIN enters rubbing his crotch. KEVIN Anyone else's dick sore from putting it in Murph's Sprite? MURPH (to everyone) Alright, by show of hands, who put their dick in my Sprite? Owen, Josh, and Kevin instantly raise their hands. The male co-workers follow shortly after. Then the ladies. Pat is the only one without his hand up. Everyone has a good laugh. PAT Wow! Boy is Murph's face red. MURPH You guys! Everyone laughs. The mood is playful. PAT You're gonna have to stick your dick in a lot of Sprite if you wanna get back at them! MURPH Better get started! Murph playfully waddles to Owen's desk. Everyone laughs. MURPH Hey O-dogg, enjoying your Sprite? OWEN Actually, Murph, that's hot tea. Murph whips his dick out and sticks it in. He screams.