Hardly Working: Soda Prank

By

Brian Murphy

          INT. CH OFFICE AKA THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL

          The GANG works quietly.  MURPH finishes typing and takes a
          sip of his Sprite.  Something isn't right.  He takes off his
          headphones and stands up.

                              MURPH
                    Alright, real funny guys.  Who put
                    their dick in my Sprite?

          PAT takes his headphones off, baffled.

                              PAT
                    What?

                              MURPH
                    Don't play dumb, Pat.  Was it you? 
                    If it was you just admit it and I
                    won't be mad.

                              PAT
                    I didn't put my dick in your
                    Sprite!

                              MURPH
                    Then why does it taste like dick
                    skin, Patrick?

                              PAT
                    Why do you know what dick skin
                    tastes like?

          Murph SLAMS down and gets in his face.  He knows Pat did it.

                              MURPH
                    What is it about putting your dick
                    in my Sprite that you love so
                    much?  Is it the way the bubbles
                    feel on your dick?

                              PAT
                    How would I even fit my dick into a
                    Sprite can?

                              MURPH
                    Squeeze the tip and mash it in.

          Pat cringes.

                              MURPH
                    Small price to pay when you get to
                    watch that idiot Murph drink dick
                    Sprite, huh?

          Murph backs up and yells to everyone, still looking at Pat.

                              MURPH
                    Come on, guys!  Let's all be like
                    Patrick and go around sticking our
                    dicks in people's Sprites.  It'll
                    be a frickin' lark!

          Pat stands up and marches over.

                              PAT
                    Murph!  You're a lunatic.  No one
                    put their dick in your Sprite. 
                    Look.

          Pat grabs Murph's Sprite and takes a sip of it.  He motions
          "see?" but struggles to swallow it.  His face sours.

                              PAT
                    That does taste like dick.

                              MURPH
                    Right?

                              OWEN (O.S)
                    Hey guys,

          WHIP to Owen, looking smug at his desk.

                              OWEN
                    it was me.  I put my dick in your
                    Sprite.  Ya'll just got dick dunked
                    by the O-dogg.

          JOSH enters.

                              JOSH
                    Wait.  I put my dick in his
                    Sprite.  You did too?

          Owen nods.  KEVIN enters rubbing his crotch.

                              KEVIN
                    Anyone else's dick sore from
                    putting it in Murph's Sprite?

                              MURPH
                         (to everyone)
                    Alright, by show of hands, who put
                    their dick in my Sprite?

          Owen, Josh, and Kevin instantly raise their hands.  The male
          co-workers follow shortly after.  Then the ladies.  Pat is
          the only one without his hand up.  Everyone has a good
          laugh.

                              PAT
                    Wow!  Boy is Murph's face red.

                              MURPH
                    You guys!

          Everyone laughs.  The mood is playful.

                              PAT
                    You're gonna have to stick your
                    dick in a lot of Sprite if you
                    wanna get back at them!

                              MURPH
                    Better get started!

          Murph playfully waddles to Owen's desk.  Everyone laughs.

                              MURPH
                    Hey O-dogg, enjoying your Sprite?

                              OWEN
                    Actually, Murph, that's hot tea.

          Murph whips his dick out and sticks it in.  He screams.