You'll never forget college, no matter how hard you try.
By CH Writing Staff
INT. OFFICE - DAN'S DESK
PAT and DAN sit read copies of John Grisham's "The Firm."
We are in the hands of a master
Two COLLEGE ALUMNI TYPES in blue hoodies and Oakleys (DAVID
& SARAH in character) enter. They look around, amazed.
What happened to this place?
Am I in topsy-turvy world or some
Can we help you?
David gives Pat a pound without looking at him.
Nah, we're set. The door was locked
so we kicked through some rotting
drywall and let ourselves in.
(motions to Sarah)
She's Meliss. I'm Ched. We were in
the 'hood and thought it'd be cool
to check out our old stompin'
We used to go here.
You used to work here?
No, you 'tard! We used to go to
You went to college on the third
floor of an office building?
(motions to David)
Well, he only went for two years,
after he was kicked out of SUNY
Oswego. Don't ask why, haha!
Pat and DAN are silent. Beat.
I made a Columbine joke when I MC'd
orientation day, anyway I can't
believe how different things are
here now! Is this your desk, man?
Okay, so when I went here this was
my dorm! Can you believe that?
Not really. I think we'd know if
you used to live where I'm sitting.
Well actually, where you're sitting
now is where Meliss's dorm was.
(raises arms proudly)
Sarah points to a POTTED PLANT.
Wait. One. Crap. What's this?
Aw, you got rid of the dining hall!
Come on! You're telling me there
was an entire dining hall there?
No, I'm not. I guess I imagined
smuggling a sack of chicken fingers
out of there in 2007. Do people
here ever talk about that, by the
You sure? I was kind of a legend
after that. "The DH Bandit?"
Ugh. At least tell us Puke Tree is
Do I even want to know what--
It was the tree where everyone got
drunk and puked on Fridays. Hello?!
It's like this place isn't even a
It's not. It's a website.
Psh. You're telling me. Total
"website" up in here.
Wait, Pat. I actually do remember a
place that in the office that
smells strongly of vomit.
Right over there.
No, no that's where Puke Log was.
Actually, I think that's where the
bush used to be. Remember? The bush
where everyone used to drink too
much and throw up?
Oh, yeah. Did that have a name?
I think you guys should leave.
Fine. Yo, but we gotta get a
snapshot with you guys before we
Yeah, good idea. "The tradition
continues" and junk.
They all gather. SAM walks quickly by.
Hey man, can you take our photo?
Not now! I'm gonna spew!
The bathroom's that way.
No time! I'm heading to Puke Tree.
Sam runs over to a TREE and hurls.
It's still here!/Knew it!
They run over to Sam, chanting "Puke Tree!" as he spews!