By working together we can become less powerful than you could possibly imagine.
By Ben Joseph
INT. COLLEGEHUMOR OFFICES - DAY
BEN, that idiot, stands at the printer.
Hey, does anybody know how to fix
this printer? I need some help.
PAT, at his desk, looks up.
Help? Someone needs help?
He looks to CALDWELL, at his desk. Caldwell nods.
CALDWELL & PAT
(with dynamic punches)
Office Force Fighting Force, Power
CRASH ZOOM into Caldwell’s face.
It's marphin' time.
The word "MARPHIN" appears, crackling with electricity,
beginning a TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE. In front of a
lightning-filled back-drop the TEAM addresses camera
one by one. They each wear the appropriate color:
And, finally, with NO SHIRT:
Office Fighting Fighters Force,
activate COMBINATION MODE!
The screen EXPLODES, revealing...
...the five have combined into one MEGA-PERSON. Pat sits on
top of Murph and Kevin (the "legs.") Emily and Caldwell (the
"arms") hang from Pat's shoulders.
The whole stack teeters for a beat. It’s clearly unstable.
OK, Fighters! Let's walk over to
Murph and Kevin shuffle awkwardly.
I said walk- This isn't hard! Left
leg, lift up!
Kevin thinks for a beat. He tries jumping in place, but Pat
almost falls off.
Ah! Shit, wow. New plan. Right
arm! Reach out to the printer.
Right arm! Reaching out!
Emily swings back and forth.
OW GOD MY SHOULDER. STOP.
No moving. Let's just launch a
Power Missile at the printer.
No good. Amir's our missile, and
he's sick today.
What about our Power Sword?
In a sales meeting right now.
Hi! Right leg here. New to the
team, don't want to overstep my
bounds, but I'm beginning to think
combo mode is not as effective as
five individual people.
The other limbs think about this.
You know, I could probably fix the
printer all by myself.
Also, my doctor said being a leg is
probably what gave me scoliosis.
Guys! We need to believe in
ourselves. The ancient wizard told
us that we're way stronger together
than we are apart. Remember?
Yeah, but then you asked if that
meant we should combine into a
large, five-person fighting robot.
And he said no, definitely not, he
was speaking metaphorically.
Then he tried to sell us meth.
You guys are right. Combo mode's
We need to go to SUPER COMBO MODE.
Yeah! / All right! / Let's do it!
What's Super Combo Mode?
It's just like regular combo mode,
except Streeter is our head!
STREETER, across the room:
SADDLE UP, NERDS!
Streeter sprints toward the people stack. Murph SCREAMS.
INT. SAM'S OFFICE
Murph is in a wheelchair. A DOCTOR reviews a chart.
His spine is shattered. He'll
never walk again.
Or will he?
Activate Ultimate Maximum
Superflous Combo Mode GO!!
A HORDE OF SCREAMING PEOPLE run toward Murph.