From CH Staff on
Kids can be such a mouthful.
By Kevin Corrigan, Caldwell Tanner & Brian Murphy
INT. DINOSAUR OFFICE - CRAIG'S CUBICLE A "Bring Your Child to Work Day" banner hangs. Craig is at his desk. RICHARD approaches with his son CARL, a smaller brontosaurus. RICHARD Craig-O, I gotta use the bathroom. Mind watching my son Carl? CARL I'm 13, you idiot. I don't need anyone to watch me. RICHARD Hah! Last time we left em alone he set off fireworks in the master bedroom. He's a handful, but I love him. CRAIG Uh... RICHARD (leaving) Thanks Craig-o! CARL Where are your kids? CRAIG I don't have any. I'm waiting for Mrs. Right. CARL You're boring. I hate you. Craig looks hurt. Cut to: TODD standing by the water cooler, wearing a baby carrier with a large egg in it. TODD See Duncan, when you grow up, you'll be able to drink water just like your old man. Terry approaches. TERRY Ooo. You gonna eat that? TODD I was hoping to watch it grow up. TERRY Suit yourself. Cut to: SHEILA in the break room with her daughter GRETCHEN. Gretchen is stapling documents, then runs out of staples. GRETCHEN Oh no, Mom, you're out of staples! SHEILA They give us as many as we want. Gretchen makes an impressed ooooo. Reveal Terry stalking Gretchen. They notice, he smiles. TERRY Aw. Is this little Gretchen? They are so adorable at that age. And delicious. SHEILA Being a single mother is difficult, but rewarding. Cut to: Craig's cubicle. Carl smashes stuff with a golf club. CRAIG Are you sure you're allowed to do this? CARL Yeah, my dad said it was fine. Carl starts hitting Craig with the club. CRAIG. I. Would. Prefer. If. You. Stopped. Terry bursts through the wall and eats Carl. Richard enters. RICHARD This place is a mess. Looks like my son's room. Terry is picking his teeth with the golf club. TERRY. Ah! I love kids.