We make the impossible, impossible.
By Adam Conover
INT. GOOGLE X LABS PAVEL, a Google engineer, stands in a sleek Google lab. Pavel is a typical Google engineer type, a slightly awkward Eastern European who's still a little nerd-cool. He speaks with a slightly stilted accent. PAVEL I'm Pavel, an engineer at Google X Labs. Today we're going to preview some of the exciting new technologies that Google will be bringing to life in the near future. Pavel stands in a sparsely decorated lab. PAVEL Ever since we released the concept video for Google Glass, the whole world has been buzzing our augmented reality glasses. Here's what we think the final product will look like. He holds up a pair of super sleek empty frames. PAVEL As you can see, very stylish. Hugo here is wearing our first working prototype. He gestures to the side, where another engineer, HUGO, is wearing a huge contraption of glass and exposed wires that wraps around his entire head. HUGO We're still working on the hardware, the software, the interface, and on getting the battery smaller... He gestures. Three huge car batteries dangle from his belt. HUGO But Project Glass will be ready to go any day now. Pavel holds up another pair of glasses. PAVEL We were also thinking the frames could come in tortoiseshell. EXT. GOOGLE X LABS Pavel stands in front of the lab building. PAVEL Next, there is Google's amazing self-driving car, which we debuted in our super-cool YouTube video last month. The self-driving car inches slowly into frame behind him. PAVEL And although it's currently illegal for it to be on the road in -- (he check his clipboard) -- any state, we think the idea of being driven around by a robot car is really awesome. The car starts gently bumping into a wall, like a Roomba stuck in a corner. INT. GOOGLE X LABS Pavel walks through a hallway. PAVEL What other dreams are we bringing to life? Pavel stops at a door that's next to a blown-up photo of Michael J. Fox hoverboarding in BTTF. PAVEL One word: Hoverboards. Pavel opens the door: Behind it is an engineer RANDALL standing on a skateboard that's up on two cinder blocks. A crowd of investors stand nearby. RANDALL It's gonna be just like this, except I'm FLYING! The investors all applaud wildly. Pavel closes the door and starts walking-and-talking down the hall again. PAVEL No matter how impossible, Google is going to make your fantasies a reality. Next year, we'll be releasing the Google Talking Dog... He passes PIA, a female engineer, trying to teach a dog to talk. PIA Good morning Scraps! Scraps barks. PAVEL And soon after that, our real life Wolverine claws. Behind him, PETE, an engineer with a bunch of steak knives duct taped to his hand slashes at a dummy. The knives all fall to the floor with a clatter. PETE Shipping in 2013! PAVEL Now, we know these projects look a little half-baked. But cut us a break -- we're an internet search company! We don't know how to build cars or magic glasses! But in here is the nerve center of the operation. He opens a final door. In contrast to the sparse, empty labs we've seen previously, this room is full of SERIOUS ENGINEERS focused intently on COMPLICATED WORKSTATIONS. PAVEL This is where we make the concept videos. He approaches SANDRA, a serious looking engineer who looks like she works at NASA by way of CSI. She's editing furiously and purposefully. PAVEL We just put up a new video, and it already has over ten million views. Can we take a look, Sandra? SANDRA Sure thing. We push in on the screen, which fades to: INT. BROOKLYN APARTMENT - USER'S POV Sun streams into a Brooklyn apartment as generically uplifting indie music plays. The user's POV, overlaid with Google Glass graphics, looks down as he cleans his real-life Wolverine claws. He turns his head to see A GOLDEN RETRIEVER is panting at him. DOG I'm hungry! USER Ok. Where's the nearest pet food store? A map appears on the HUD. USER Ok. Mr. Buttles, would you bring my hoverboard around please? Mr. Buttles, a robot butler with a Google logo on it, shuffles in carrying a hoverboard. MR. BUTTLES (robotic monkey noises) YOUR HOVERBOARD, SIR. He tosses the hoverboard down. It catches itself just above the ground. The POV "hops on." DOG You're my best friend, Sam. USER Right back atcha buddy. FADE TO: TEXT: "Google. It'll happen. We swear."