By Owen Parsons & Josh Ruben
INT. NOLL HOLE - DAY ANGLE ON: EMILY, holding a stack of FILES. EMILY All right guys, we need to comb through these files and figure out who's been embezzling thousands from the company. Zoom out to reveal JOSH, MURPH & OWEN sitting around surrounded by files and holding coffee mugs. Murph is covered in GOLD CHAINS and conspicuous BLING. MURPH/OWEN/JOSH Right. They flip papers for a beat. Josh sighs, bored, then, intohis coffee cup: JOSH (AS BANE) I'm so bored right now! Everyone laughs - "Oh my god, it sounds like Bane!" - and immediately uses their coffee cup to imitate him. MURPH (AS BANE) I'm Gotham's reckoning! EMILY (AS BANE) I was born in the dark! OWEN (AS BANE) Why so serious? JOSH That's The Joker. OWEN What? Nooooo. EMILY OKAY! No more joshing around. (lifting mug as BANE) Now is not the time for fear, doctor! Now is the time- (lowering mug, NORMAL) -to get to work. JOSH Yeah, when we're done with the files, (lifting mug as BANE) then, you have my permission to (lowering mug, NORMAL) do Bane impressions! But until then, nose to the grindstone. EMILY (enough is enough) Seriously, though. I'm in charge, and I say we get back to work. Murph rests his hand on Emily's shoulder. MURPH (AS BANE) Do you feel in charge? (lowering mug, NORMAL) Because frankly, I don't remember electing you leader. OWEN I'm with Murph. We should (lifting mug as BANE) tear down this corrupt system! Owen spills coffee, burning himself. OWEN (AS BANE) Ah! My friggin shirt! Damn it! JOSH Look, guys we've been in here a while, and we're all testy, and (lifting mug as BANE) the fire is rising, brother! (lowering mug, normal) So let's just calm down, take a deep breath, okay, and let (lifting mug as BANE) the games begin! Josh violently knees Murph in the back. He collapses. MURPH My back! It's so broken! Murph weakly rolls his spilled mug in front of his face. MURPH (AS BANE) It's extremely painful! EMILY (AS BANE) I was wondering what would break first. Your spirit,(lowering mug, normal) or our friggin' concentration. We need to get this done! Sam knocks at the door. JOSH / EMILY / OWEN / MURPH (ALL BANE) Identify yourself! SAM It's- what? It's Sam. Is everyone okay? I heard a spine snapping. JOSH / EMILY / OWEN / MURPH (synchronized lowering) Yeah, we're fine. All good. They all take a sip of coffee; instantly erupt into overlapping Bane impressions. SAM O-kay... Did you figure out who was embezzling? Everyone lowers their mug sheepishly. JOSH / EMILY / OWEN / MURPH No... SAM Well, no thanks to you, I figured it out on my own. Murph! MURPH (looking guilty) Yeah? SAM Restrain Owen. He posted ten photos of himself forging checks on Instagram. Murph pulls Owen's arms behind his back. OWEN You think this gives you power- Emily, would you mind? Emily puts Owen's coffee mug in front of his face. OWEN (AS BANE) You think this gives you power over me? Murph knocks the mug away from Owen's face. OWEN Ow! Dude! SAM As for the rest of you, you wasted an entire day of work goofing off and doing Bane impressions. EMILY Are you going to fire us? SAM What? No! Sam raises a coffee mug to his mouth. SAM (AS BANE) Your punishment must be more severe. Sam holds up a detonator. Everyone, into their coffee mugs: EVERYONE (AS BANE) NO!!! SAM (lowering mug, normal) Actually, that's probably the worst thing I have the power to do to you. So yes, you are fired. Sorry for lying earlier. END.