Feel what it feels like to feel like crap.
By Kevin Corrigan & Owen Parsons
POV: Sick Day By Kevin Corrigan and Owen Bertrude Parsons
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING
YOU wake up and try to open your eyes. They are stuck with
eye gunk. You wipe them off.
Ugh. My eyes are extra gunky this
We hear you cluck your tongue against your mouth.
My tongue tastes like a dead
person's tongue. Better swallow.
You scream in pain IRL.
Aaand, my throat feels like it's
being stabbed. Oh no. I'm sick.
You get out of bed and approach the bathroom mirror.
Better assess the damage.
You shine a flashlight into your mouth and look at your
throat and "ahhhhh."
Looks red. But it always looks red.
How red is bad red? Okay, check the
Camera zooms in, bounces back and forth as you look around
your throat. You have no idea what tonsils look like.
Tonsils, tonsils... is that them?
No, that's the frenulum.
Epiglottis? Perineum? Perineum. I
have no idea what anything is."
Long throat-hawking sound effect.
What color phlegm is bad? White?
He spits. a gross, fist-sized GLOB of yellow-green phlegm
lands in the sink with a splat. You squeal like a girl.
Definitely that color. Okay, I'm
sick. I guess I'll check Web MD
even though it's just gonna tell me
I'm gonna die.
You get on your laptop and pull up WebMD. You click some
Crusty eyes. Sore Throat. Fever.
What do I got? West Nigerian Renal
Pox? Yeah right. I'll Google Image
search that just for fun tho-OH
Google image shows a monkey bursting out of a guy in a
hospital gown's chest, a la Alien. You slam the laptop shut
and chuck it away.
GIRLFRIEND enters, sits down and puts her arm around you.
Hey sweety, what's wrong?
You sigh and look down.
You look up. Reveal your girlfriend is now standing at the
opposite end of the room, wearing a hazmat suit.
Aww, poor baby. I'm here for you.
I'm gonna go. Get chicken soup.
Here, have some tissues.
She grabs a box of tissues with a grabber claw and throws it
vaguely toward you as she leaves.
Guess I better call out of work.
Hate wasting a sick day on being
You pick up your cell phone and call BOSS. As it's ringing-
Alright, sound sick. Sound sick.
Sound-wait, I am sick.
Hey boss. Uh, I mean
(coughing and raspy)
Hey boss. I'm sooo sorry, I can't
come in today. I feeling pretty
under the weather.
No, for real this time.
Last time wasn't real?
You hang up.
Stupid. Oh God, my throat is
killing me. Wonder if I have any
You pull open your bedside drawer and pull out a dusty,
cobwebbed bottle of SUDOQUIL, a cold medicine.
Whoa, I haven't seen this in years.
Oh well, it's not like pills ever
You see "DEFINITELY EXPIRED, 1997" labeled on the bottle.
Huh. Better take extra just to be
You chug the pill bottle. Your phone vibrates. You look at
it. There's a message from Boss. "I'd like you to do all
your work from home today."
Pff. Yeah right. I'm not working
from home. I'm gonna kick back and
enjoy some primo daytime TV.
You turn on the TV. The Price is Right (Drew Carey-era) is
Ew. Bob Barker looks terrible.
You turn the TV off.
Nope. You know what. I'm just gonna
lie in bed. Relax. Go to sleep. Try
to enjoy my day off-Oh God I'm
A continuous stream of vomit erupts from your mouth.
I want my mom.
You resume vomiting. Five seconds go by. You are drenching
everything in barf.
How is this even possible?