From CH Staff on
Let's keep house music out of the White House.
By Brian Murphy
A NARRATOR speaks over a series of pictures. Ominous music plays for the whole sketch. PICTURE: MITT ROMNEY in an unflattering pose. NARRATOR (V.O.) Mitt Romney refuses to release any of his tax returns before 2010. The picture turns black and white. NARRATOR (V.O.) What are you trying to hide, Mitt? A question mark appears over the picture. PICTURE: Another unflattering picture of Romney. NARRATOR (V.O.) But the secrets don't end there. The picture turns black and white. PICTURE: A black and white G-Mail inbox with an e-mail from Spotify. The subject is "Mitt just joined Spotify." NARRATOR (V.O.) Mitt Romney joined Spotify in September, but neglected to connect it to his Facebook until last month. PICTURE: Mitt Romney's Facebook page. NARRATOR (V.O.) What is Mitt Romney keeping from his Facebook friends? The page turns black and white. CUT TO: MONTAGE: NEWS ANCHOR 1 addresses the camera. NEWS ANCHOR 1 If he wasn't hiding something, this would be a non-issue. For all we know, he could like ska. NEWS ANCHOR 2 yells at camera. INTERVIEWER He has a premium account but listens to less Arcade Fire than the average user! The narrator speaks over footage of Romney. NARRATOR (V.O.) Mitt Romney has only released the last 2 months of his Spotify and a mere 14% of it was indie rock. NEWS ANCHOR 3 talks to camera. NEWS ANCHOR 3 Why would someone keep their Spotify private? I'll tell you, they're listening to the Spin Doctors. NEWS ANCHOR 4 talks to camera. NEWS ANCHOR 4 We cannot risk electing an American president who knows the German lyrics to 99 Luftballoons. Narrator speaks over footage of Romney. NARRATOR (V.O.) Mitt Romney has confessed to enjoying "Bust a Move," but is he talking about Young MC's version, or the GLEE version? A SOUTHERN POLITICIAN talks to camera. SOUTHERN POLITICIAN Hell, I connected my Spotify to Facebook and all I listen to is the Space Jam soundtrack! NEWS ANCHOR 5 talks to camera. NEWS ANCHOR 5 We're talking about a guy who could have a playlist of Hootie and the Blowfish deep cuts. NEWS ANCHOR 6 addresses the camera. NEWS ANCHOR 6 Four words: Baw-wit-da-ba. The narrator speaks over footage of Romney. NARRATOR (V.O.) Mitt Romney has signed up for several Facebook accounts using foreign e-mail addresses. Should he be exempt from his friends making fun of him? END MONTAGE CUT TO: INT. AUDITORIUM Mitt Romney stands at a podium being questioned by a MODERATOR. MODERATOR President Obama has been extremely candid with his Spotify playlist: Al Green, The Roots, Bruce Springsteen. Why is yours private? MITT ROMNEY My musical preferences are a personal matter. MODERATOR What's your connection to CATS, the Original Broadway Cast Recording? Mitt looks down. The screen FREEZES. NARRATOR (V.O.) What if he still listens to Crazy Town? Is it worth the risk? CUT TO: EXT. FIELD - DAY A LITTLE GIRL counts flower pedals in a parody of Lyndon Johnson's famous "Daisy" ad. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63h_v6uf0Ao) GIRL 1, 2, 3, 4- She looks up. The screen FREEZES and zooms into her pupil. The Crazy Town SINGER counts off. SINGER (O.S.) 1, 2, 3, 4! Five seconds of "Come My Lady" by Crazy Town plays. A nuclear bomb goes off. GRAPHIC: American Council for President with Good Spotify Playlists NARRATOR (V.O.) This message paid for by American Council for President with Good Spotify Playlists. END