Mitt Romney Won't Release His Spotify Playlist

By

Brian Murphy

          A NARRATOR speaks over a series of pictures. Ominous music
          plays for the whole sketch.

          PICTURE: MITT ROMNEY in an unflattering pose.

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    Mitt Romney refuses to release any
                    of his tax returns before 2010.

          The picture turns black and white.

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    What are you trying to hide, Mitt?

          A question mark appears over the picture.
                    
         PICTURE: Another unflattering picture of Romney.

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    But the secrets don't end there.

          The picture turns black and white.

          PICTURE: A black and white G-Mail inbox with an e-mail from
          Spotify. The subject is "Mitt just joined Spotify."

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    Mitt Romney joined Spotify in
                    September, but neglected to connect
                    it to his Facebook until last
                    month.

          PICTURE: Mitt Romney's Facebook page.

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    What is Mitt Romney keeping from
                    his Facebook friends?

          The page turns black and white.

                                                          CUT TO:

          MONTAGE:

          NEWS ANCHOR 1 addresses the camera.

                              NEWS ANCHOR 1
                    If he wasn't hiding something, this
                    would be a non-issue. For all we
                    know, he could like ska.

          NEWS ANCHOR 2 yells at camera.

                              INTERVIEWER
                    He has a premium account but
                    listens to less Arcade Fire than
                    the average user!

          The narrator speaks over footage of Romney.

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    Mitt Romney has only released the
                    last 2 months of his Spotify and a
                    mere 14% of it was indie rock.

          NEWS ANCHOR 3 talks to camera.

                              NEWS ANCHOR 3
                    Why would someone keep their
                    Spotify private? I'll tell you,
                    they're listening to the Spin
                    Doctors.

          NEWS ANCHOR 4 talks to camera.

                              NEWS ANCHOR 4
                    We cannot risk electing an American
                    president who knows the German
                    lyrics to 99 Luftballoons.

          Narrator speaks over footage of Romney.

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    Mitt Romney has confessed to
                    enjoying "Bust a Move," but is he
                    talking about Young MC's version,
                    or the GLEE version?

          A SOUTHERN POLITICIAN talks to camera.

                              SOUTHERN POLITICIAN
                    Hell, I connected my Spotify to
                    Facebook and all I listen to is the
                    Space Jam soundtrack!

          NEWS ANCHOR 5 talks to camera.

                              NEWS ANCHOR 5
                    We're talking about a guy who could
                    have a playlist of Hootie and the
                    Blowfish deep cuts.

          NEWS ANCHOR 6 addresses the camera.

                              NEWS ANCHOR 6
                    Four words: Baw-wit-da-ba.

          The narrator speaks over footage of Romney.

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    Mitt Romney has signed up for
                    several Facebook accounts using
                    foreign e-mail addresses. Should he
                    be exempt from his friends making
                    fun of him?

          END MONTAGE

                                                          CUT TO:

          INT. AUDITORIUM

          Mitt Romney stands at a podium being questioned by a
          MODERATOR.

                              MODERATOR
                    President Obama has been extremely
                    candid with his Spotify playlist:
                    Al Green, The Roots, Bruce
                    Springsteen. Why is yours private?

                              MITT ROMNEY
                    My musical preferences are a
                    personal matter.

                              MODERATOR
                    What's your connection to CATS, the
                    Original Broadway Cast Recording?

          Mitt looks down. The screen FREEZES.

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    What if he still listens to Crazy
                    Town? Is it worth the risk?

                                                          CUT TO:

          EXT. FIELD - DAY

          A LITTLE GIRL counts flower pedals in a parody of Lyndon
          Johnson's famous "Daisy" ad.
          (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63h_v6uf0Ao)

                              GIRL
                    1, 2, 3, 4-

          She looks up. The screen FREEZES and zooms into her pupil.
          The Crazy Town SINGER counts off.

                              SINGER (O.S.)
                    1, 2, 3, 4!

          Five seconds of "Come My Lady" by Crazy Town plays.

          A nuclear bomb goes off.

          GRAPHIC: American Council for President with Good Spotify
          Playlists

                              NARRATOR (V.O.)
                    This message paid for by American
                    Council for President with Good
                    Spotify Playlists.

                                                              END