Death is coming... if they don't kill themselves first. One of five terrifying episodes releasing every day this week on CollegeHumor.
By Owen Parsons
A bagel is stuck in a slot toaster. PAT pokes a fork around
in the slot trying to free it as EMILY, ADAM, MURPH, KEVIN,
OWEN, DAN, MARINA and JOSH stand in line behind him with
their own bagels, waiting for their turn.
Come on, Pat, move it! You're
hogging the toaster.
Sorry. It's really jammed in there.
Told you that bagel was too thick.
He flew too close to the sun.
Ugh. Why is the floor so wet?
(holding empty jug)
Sorry, that was me. I spilled my
big water jug.
(holding copper wire)
Don't worry, though. I laid down
some copper wire to keep our shoes
Good idea. / Nice job. / Smart.
Pat pries his bagel out of the toaster.
(looking in the toaster)
Ooh, someone dropped a penny in
He reaches back in with the fork. Everyone is ELECTROCUTED
HORRIBLY. Zoom in on Murph's eye...
Murph... Murph... Murph...
INT. NOLL HOLL
Zoom out of Murph's eye, revealing the previous was a
PSYCHIC PREMONITION. Adam shakes his shoulder.
Murph, wake up! It's free bagel
Everyone else is taking bagels off a platter.
Yes! Dibs on this fat one. Last one
to the toaster's a rotten fink!
NO! DON'T GO TO THE KITCHEN!
Huh? / What are you talking about?
I just had a Final Destination
premonition. After we go to the
kitchen, Pat's bagel gets stuck in
the toaster, and we all get
But as long as we stay in here,
I dunno, I'm pretty sure this
Classic bagel mistake, looks fine
now, but those toaster slots are
slimmer than you think. Also we'll
all die screaming.
I'm gonna risk it.
I could live the rest of my life in
fear. Running from death. Flinching
at every shadow. Choke down cold
bagels with even colder cream
cheese. Or I could stand up now and
stare death in the eyes. Like a man
my father could be proud of.
PAT is horrifyingly electrocuted by the toaster. The rest of
the cast watches from a safe distance as he spasms.
What's that smell?
He's shitting himself.
They back off into the hallway near the fire escape.
Well, the point is, Murph's psychic
visions saved us and now, if I
understand Final Destination rules
correctly, we're safe forever. Why
don't we all think about that while
I take this box of loose knives
down to the mailroom.
Adam backs into the stairwell, whistling.
Long falling down the stairs / stabbing sound effects,
followed by a thump. Writers peer down the steps in horror.
WHINY OFFSCREEN VOICE
Aw, who left all this blood on the
stairs? That's a fire hazard.
Slow zoom on Murph. Dramatic music.
This is only the beginning. Death
is coming for all of us. And none
of us- none of us- are safe.
Dramatic close ups on each of the remaining writers. In the
background, SAM walks into an office, then pokes his head
back out into the hallway.
Ooh, I'm safe! Thanks for not
telling me about free bagel day!
Everyone stares at Sam. Sam's smile fades.
I mean physically safe. My feelings
are very hurt.
TO BE CONTINUED.