By Emily Axford
INT. THERAPISTS OFFICE JIM, a shy, nervous, 38 year old man. Glasses, sweater vest. JIM We've been married for eleven years, but lately she's been... distant. CUT TO: DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST, in a glittery club dress with a professional jacket, disheveled. Her boyfriend, BRYCE is behind her groping her. DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST (giggling, to Bryce) Stop... Bryce, Stop! TITLE CARD: "DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST" DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST I know exactly how you feel. When me and Bryce first started going out, I found out he was still seeing like a bunch of other girls. I was so pissed! 'member? (she looks at Bryce who is still making out on her) Oh my God, Bryce.. stop! JIM (trying again) I guess I'm worried that the routine of our life is boring her. CUT BACK: DGT. Bryce is now standing up, texting. DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST (getting serious) Okay, I'm seriously not trying to make this about Bryce and me, but, last Friday, Bryce and me didn't go out even though it was Friday and there was a party. That's love. Not going out even though it's Friday and there's a party. BRYCE Babe. Babe. Let's get out of here. DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST Um, I'm talking to my friend! (to Jim) Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. (suddenly at a loss) What was I saying? Jim starts to speak but is interrupted by Bryce, who is now smoking a cigarette. BRYCE This guy bothering you, babe? DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST Brycie! You can't smoke in here! Lemme have some? (to Jim) I never do this. My uncle died of lung cancer. She takes a drag. JIM (trying again) I worry that Diane will seek out new experiences. With other men. DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST (haphazardly chucking cig) This one time Bryce and me... (to Bryce) Bryce? Who are you texting. Bryce! Jim is scared. DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST Seriously if you're texting that girl from work! Seriously if you're texting that slut from work! Jim is shocked. CUT BACK TO: DGT and Bryce are making out. They both mumble things like "I'm so sorry, babe" and "I love you, babe". She starts to address Jim again, but keeps making out with Bryce while doing it. DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST When it comes down to it... Mumbled apologies and groping. DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST Love is about trust and respect. Mumbled apologies and groping. DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST And that's way more rewarding than fleeting passions and fickle lust. DGT makes out. Jim awkwardly takes out his checkbook. JIM Should I just leave the check... Jim awkwardly leaves the check on the table in front of the couple. Bryce lifts up a butt cheek and farts. There is a small fire from DGT's cigarette. END.