Drunk Girl Therapist: Marriage

By

Emily Axford

          INT. THERAPISTS OFFICE

          JIM, a shy, nervous, 38 year old man. Glasses, sweater vest.

                              JIM
                    We've been married for eleven
                    years, but lately she's been...
                    distant.

          CUT TO: DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST, in a glittery club dress with
          a professional jacket, disheveled. Her boyfriend, BRYCE is
          behind her groping her.

                              DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST
                         (giggling, to Bryce)
                    Stop... Bryce, Stop!

          TITLE CARD: "DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST"

                              DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST
                    I know exactly how you feel. When
                    me and Bryce first started going
                    out, I found out he was still
                    seeing like a bunch of other girls.
                    I was so pissed! 'member?
                         (she looks at Bryce who is
                         still making out on her)
                    Oh my God, Bryce.. stop!

                              JIM
                         (trying again)
                    I guess I'm worried that the
                    routine of our life is boring her.

          CUT BACK: DGT. Bryce is now standing up, texting.

                              DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST
                         (getting serious)
                    Okay, I'm seriously not trying to
                    make this about Bryce and me, but,
                    last Friday, Bryce and me didn't go
                    out even though it was Friday and
                    there was a party. That's love. Not
                    going out even though it's Friday
                    and there's a party.

                              BRYCE
                    Babe. Babe. Let's get out of here.

                              DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST
                    Um, I'm talking to my friend!
                         (to Jim)
                    Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen
                    to me.
                         (suddenly at a loss)
                    What was I saying?

          Jim starts to speak but is interrupted by Bryce, who is now
          smoking a cigarette.

                              BRYCE
                    This guy bothering you, babe?

                              DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST
                    Brycie! You can't smoke in here!
                    Lemme have some?
                         (to Jim)
                    I never do this. My uncle died of
                    lung cancer.

          She takes a drag.

                              JIM
                         (trying again)
                    I worry that Diane will seek out
                    new experiences. With other men.

                              DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST
                         (haphazardly chucking cig)
                    This one time Bryce and me...
                         (to Bryce)
                    Bryce? Who are you texting. Bryce!

          Jim is scared.

                              DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST
                    Seriously if you're texting that
                    girl from work! Seriously if you're
                    texting that slut from work!

          Jim is shocked. CUT BACK TO: DGT and Bryce are making out.
          They both mumble things like "I'm so sorry, babe" and "I
          love you, babe". She starts to address Jim again, but keeps
          making out with Bryce while doing it.

                              DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST
                    When it comes down to it...

          Mumbled apologies and groping.

                              DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST
                    Love is about trust and respect.

          Mumbled apologies and groping.

                              DRUNK GIRL THERAPIST
                    And that's way more rewarding than
                    fleeting passions and fickle lust.

          DGT makes out. Jim awkwardly takes out his checkbook.

                              JIM
                    Should I just leave the check...

          Jim awkwardly leaves the check on the table in front of the
          couple.  Bryce lifts up a butt cheek and farts.  There is a
          small fire from DGT's cigarette.

          END.