Hardly Working From Home

By

Patrick Cassels

          INT/EXT. CAST'S VARIOUS HOMES

          They cast is having shot from their own location if noted).
          a video conference. Each character is WEBCAM in their home
          (or another We CUT between each as they speak.

                              PAT
                    OK guys, the office is still closed
                    due to Hurricane Sandy, so for now
                    we'll be video conferencing our
                    meetings. I know it's not ideal but
                    hey, it'll be nice to just unwind
                    and work from home, amiright?

          Everyone explodes in laughter.

                              PAT
                    Alright, let's get down to tass
                    brax here. Obama won those crucial
                    swing states, HOW DO WE COVER THIS?

                              ADAM
                    Uh, sorry, Pat? I'm not comfortable
                    talking with Dan about this.

                              PAT
                    Because he's a Republican?

                              JOSH
                    No, because I think he's taking a
                    bath right now.

          REVEAL DAN, clearly in a bathtub: shower cap, bare
          shoulders, suds up to his chest.

                              DAN
                    Psh, what?!
                         (re: suds)
                    Guys, these are business suds.

                              KEVIN
                         (noticing)
                    Are those scented candles?

          SLIGHT PAN of Dan's webcam reveals some LIT CANDLES.

                              DAN
                    Fine, I'm having a soak! It's what
                    I do at home. Besides, I'm not the
                    only one multitasking: Owen's
                    playing Xbox.

                              OWEN
                         (now wearing a headset)
                    I'm not playing Xbox!
                         (raises controller into frame
                         and mashes buttons)
                    Hey! I'm dominating it! GET SOME!

                              PAT
                    Owen, you're supposed to be
                    participating in this meeting!

                              OWEN
                    I am. Who do you think I'm playing?

          CUT TO MUPRH, also with a headset and controller. He mashes
          the buttons.

                              MURPH
                         (to Owen)
                    Quit your talking, bitch! Time to
                    nut up and play!

                              PAT
                    Come on, guys! We can't let the
                    fact that we're working at home
                    distract us.

          CUT TO STREETER at the "Barfice."

                              STREETER
                    Pat's right, we need to focus!

                              PAT
                    Thank you, Streeter.

                              STREETER
                    Anyway I had a great angle for-

          TRAPP, SUZE and CALDWELL gather around Street, followed by a
          SMALL CROWD. Caldwell hands Street a "boot" of beer.

                              CROWD
                    Chug! Chug! Chug!

                              STREETER
                    Aw, shit! THE CHUGGERNAUT RETURNS!

          Streeter starts "chugging" the "beer."

                              PAT
                    Ugh. Kelly, do you have anything to
                    contribute?

                              KELLY
                         (all business)
                    Certainly. A few updates on
                    Post-Production: Our servers are
                    almost at optimal functionality...

          As Kelly improvises dry business mumbo-jumbo, DAN KLEIN, in
          a pair of BRIEFS, walks by in the B.G. and opens the fridge.

                              DAN KLEIN
                    Hey Kel, we're out of Pepsi.

          Kelly ignores him, keeps talking business.

                              DAN KLEIN
                    Kel? Kel? Kel?

                              KELLY
                         (a burst of anger)
                    THEN GO BUY MORE, DAN!

                              PAT
                    Emily, do you have anything to
                    contribute?

          EMILY'S GREAT AUNT (Emily wearing old lady glasses and a
          shawl) is sitting in front of Emily's webcam.

                              EMILY'S GREAT AUNT
                    What? Huh? Oh, no, this is Emily's
                    Maw Maw. She's staying with me for
                    the weekend. Do any of you know how
                    to open solitaire?

          There's a "BOOP" SFX on her computer.

                              EMILY'S GREAT AUNT
                    Oh dear, I just downloaded a virus.

                              MARINA
                    Hey, can you all keep it down?

                              OWEN
                         (still mashing buttons)
                    Marina, I didn't know you were in
                    this meeting.

                              MARINA
                    I'm not, I'm just recording a new
                    haul video to my YouTube channel.

          Marina lifts up an UGLY SWEATER.

                              MARINA
                    Only $300, y'all!
                         (oddly serious)
                    Rate and subscribe!

                              PAT
                    First of all you got ripped off,
                    Marina! Second of all, if we keep
                    letting ourselves get distracted
                    we're not going to have an office
                    to come back-

          Some NEW AGE MUSIC plays.

                              ADAM
                    Wait, where is that music coming
                    from?

          Dan, eyes closed, listens to a small RADIO next to the tub.

                              DAN
                    It's Enya's greatest hits.

          Street finishes his boot. He's CLEARLY DRUNK.

                              STREETER
                    Enya, that shit's gayyyyyyyyy- oh
                    lord I'm gonna upchuck...

          Street bends out of frame. VOMIT SFX. Suze, Caldwell and
          Trapp look down at him and cheer.

                              SUZE/CALDWELL/TRAPP
                    Woo!/Way to go, Street!/He's dead!

          END.