Facebook Law for Idiots

By

CollegeHumor Writers

                              DAN
                    Recently, many of you posted this
                    message on your Facebook walls
                    (message appears), declaring that
                    by doing so, Facebook has no legal
                    right to your content. MURPH:
                    Here's what you're actually
                    declaring:

                              EMILY
                    I don't know how laws work.

                              ADAM
                    I think that legal terms are "magic
                    words" that can force people to do
                    what I want.

          Image: close on the words "communique" and "aforementioned"

                              KEVIN
                    I believe that a wall post is a
                    binding legal contract that can
                    override a Terms of Service
                    agreement.

                              OWEN
                    The agreement I clicked "Yes" to
                    without reading in 2004.

                              DAN
                    I make kneejerk decisions based on
                    fear.

                              MURPH
                    Like an animal!

                              EMILY
                    Declaring something on your
                    Facebook wall doesn't make it true.

                              ADAM
                    Here's some other stuff you could
                    declare, and have the same impact:

                              MURPH
                    I am Koltrimac, King of
                    Pennsylvania!"

                              KEVIN
                    I am exempt from taxation,
                    alternate side parking, and talking
                    to my mom's friends.

                              OWEN
                    If you're seeing this, I now own
                    your car.

                              DAN
                    I get to have two bar mitzvahs."

                              ADAM
                    I am hereby immune to gonorrhea!

                              EMILY
                    If you're a guy and we're hanging
                    out, we're dating now.

                              OWEN
                    Cats love me as much as I love
                    them.

                              MURPH
                    Hogwarts is real and I have a shot.

                              ADAM
                    Also, if you're gonna copy and
                    paste legal terms, take a second
                    and Google them first.

                              DAN
                    Or Bing it. You could even Bing
                    that shit.

                              KEVIN
                    Here's some of the "high-powered
                    law talk" you pasted into your
                    status without checking:

                              OWEN
                    The Berne Convention is a
                    126-year-old Swiss treaty

                              MURPH
                    It has nothing to do with the
                    Internet!

                              EMILY
                    The Rome Statute governs the
                    prosecution of international war
                    criminals for genocide.

                              DAN
                    Unless you're posting "ROFL just
                    gassed 20,000 Canadians" -- this
                    one does not apply.

                              ADAM
                    And let's talk about the word
                    "Communiqué" for a second. Just
                    because a word sounds fancy and
                    French, that doesn't make it
                    legally binding.

                              KEVIN
                    Here's something that's never
                    happened!

                              ADAM
                         (AS JUDGE)
                    (Oh, it's a communiqué? Case
                    closed!
                         (Bangs gavel.)
                    It's a communiqué everyone!"

                              OWEN
                    Here are some more fancy words that
                    mean nothing in a court of law.

                              DAN
                    Vis a vis.

                              EMILY
                    Rendezvous.

                              MURPH
                    Hors d'ouevres.

                              ADAM
                    Lingerie.

                              KEVIN
                    Accoutrements.

                              OWEN
                    Armoire.

                              EMILY
                    Panache.

                              MURPH
                    Eiffel Tower.

                              KEVIN
                    In conclusion, stop being a Dumb
                    Darrell.

                              DAN
                    A Gullible Gus.

                              OWEN
                    And an Uninformed Umberto.

                              ADAM
                    Thanks for watching and remember,
                    if you enjoyed this video, send it
                    to ten friends in the next ten
                    minutes or you'll have bad sex for
                    the rest of your life.