By CollegeHumor Writers
DAN Recently, many of you posted this message on your Facebook walls (message appears), declaring that by doing so, Facebook has no legal right to your content. MURPH: Here's what you're actually declaring: EMILY I don't know how laws work. ADAM I think that legal terms are "magic words" that can force people to do what I want. Image: close on the words "communique" and "aforementioned" KEVIN I believe that a wall post is a binding legal contract that can override a Terms of Service agreement. OWEN The agreement I clicked "Yes" to without reading in 2004. DAN I make kneejerk decisions based on fear. MURPH Like an animal! EMILY Declaring something on your Facebook wall doesn't make it true. ADAM Here's some other stuff you could declare, and have the same impact: MURPH I am Koltrimac, King of Pennsylvania!" KEVIN I am exempt from taxation, alternate side parking, and talking to my mom's friends. OWEN If you're seeing this, I now own your car. DAN I get to have two bar mitzvahs." ADAM I am hereby immune to gonorrhea! EMILY If you're a guy and we're hanging out, we're dating now. OWEN Cats love me as much as I love them. MURPH Hogwarts is real and I have a shot. ADAM Also, if you're gonna copy and paste legal terms, take a second and Google them first. DAN Or Bing it. You could even Bing that shit. KEVIN Here's some of the "high-powered law talk" you pasted into your status without checking: OWEN The Berne Convention is a 126-year-old Swiss treaty MURPH It has nothing to do with the Internet! EMILY The Rome Statute governs the prosecution of international war criminals for genocide. DAN Unless you're posting "ROFL just gassed 20,000 Canadians" -- this one does not apply. ADAM And let's talk about the word "Communiqué" for a second. Just because a word sounds fancy and French, that doesn't make it legally binding. KEVIN Here's something that's never happened! ADAM (AS JUDGE) (Oh, it's a communiqué? Case closed! (Bangs gavel.) It's a communiqué everyone!" OWEN Here are some more fancy words that mean nothing in a court of law. DAN Vis a vis. EMILY Rendezvous. MURPH Hors d'ouevres. ADAM Lingerie. KEVIN Accoutrements. OWEN Armoire. EMILY Panache. MURPH Eiffel Tower. KEVIN In conclusion, stop being a Dumb Darrell. DAN A Gullible Gus. OWEN And an Uninformed Umberto. ADAM Thanks for watching and remember, if you enjoyed this video, send it to ten friends in the next ten minutes or you'll have bad sex for the rest of your life.