From CH Staff on
Don't give in to Shakespeer-pressure.UnsSubscribe ToFrom Hardly Working
By Owen Parsons & Brian Murphy
INT. DESK AREA MURPH walks over to OWEN's desk. MURPH Hey O-Dogg, good job in the pitch meeting. I really hope they greenlight your parody of the thong song. OWEN Yeah, I figured bong and thong rhymed so, why not? I dunno, it's stupid. Owen turns back to his computer. Murph grabs his arm. MURPH No, Owen, you're really good. Ya know, you could be the head of this department. I mean, if anything happened to Sam. We see SAM talking to SOMEONE. OWEN Well, thanks. But, uh, Sam's the boss! Ya know? MURPH Right, right. (suddenly serious) Should he be? Tense piano music builds. Owen looks uneasy, Murph gets closer. MURPH Sam's good, but he's soft. These writers need a kick in the ass. And from where I'm standing, you're wearing the right boots. Murph gets right in his face. MURPH (whispering) This company needs new blood. Your blood. But first you must spill, Sam's blood. Long, tense beat. Owen considers it. Music crescendos then cuts out. Owen breaks. OWEN Aw, come on, man! You're Lady Macbething me! MURPH (laughing) Hey, worth a shot, right? OWEN Yeah, that was good. (serious) That was damn good. Tense piano music comes back. Murph is taken aback. MURPH Really? You think so? Owen stands up and walks to Murph. Murph slowly backs up. OWEN You're a fine actor, Murph. You've got range. Weird that Sam would keep casting you as a screaming idiot when you're so good at whispering. MURPH (whispering) I know, right? OWEN Yeah, people like Sam are always going to try and keep you down but the world is full of opportunities for a man like you. For a man who does what needs to be done. Owen gets up in his face, then drops a dagger on the floor. Murph looks at it. OWEN (smirking, deliberate) Oops. They stare for a long beat. Music crescendos then cuts out. Murph breaks. MURPH You can not Lady Macbeth the Lady Macbether! OWEN Aw, I almost had you! Was it the dagger? Was it too much? MURPH It was a little too much. OWEN Damn, you're quick. (serious) Very quick. The way you figured me out like that. Music comes back. MURPH Well it wasn't easy. (serious) You were very convincing. A second track of music begins and plays over the other one. They get up in each other's faces. OWEN You're right. Some would say my plan was Murph-esque in its genius. MURPH Too bad Sam wouldn't see it that way. OWEN Sam, of course, being the cause of all your problems. MURPH Problems that need to be solved. OWEN Solved with murd- Murph kisses Owen. Music cuts out. OWEN No! What are you doing? MURPH I was Lady Macbething you. OWEN No, we were Lady Macbething each other and then you kissed me. MURPH Lady Macbeth kisses Mr. Macbeth all the time. OWEN Oh. Yeah, I guess you're right. MURPH / OWEN (trailing off) I mean, they're married so- / Taps that ass pretty hard in Act 3. Awkward beat. They lunge and kiss again. Suddenly, Murph stabs Owen. OWEN DUDE YOU STABBED ME! MURPH You just got Lady Macbeth'd, son! OWEN That doesn't happen in the play! MURPH I've never read Mr. Macbeth! END.