Hardly Working: Lady Macbething

By

Owen Parsons & Brian Murphy

          INT. DESK AREA

          MURPH walks over to OWEN's desk.

                              MURPH
                    Hey O-Dogg, good job in the pitch
                    meeting. I really hope they
                    greenlight your parody of the thong
                    song.

                              OWEN
                    Yeah, I figured bong and thong
                    rhymed so, why not? I dunno, it's
                    stupid.

          Owen turns back to his computer. Murph grabs his arm.

                              MURPH
                    No, Owen, you're really good. Ya
                    know, you could be the head of this
                    department. I mean, if anything
                    happened to Sam.

          We see SAM talking to SOMEONE.

                              OWEN
                    Well, thanks. But, uh, Sam's the
                    boss! Ya know?

                              MURPH
                    Right, right.
                         (suddenly serious)
                    Should he be?

          Tense piano music builds. Owen looks uneasy, Murph gets
          closer.

                              MURPH
                    Sam's good, but he's soft. These
                    writers need a kick in the ass. And
                    from where I'm standing, you're
                    wearing the right boots. 

          Murph gets right in his face.

                              MURPH
                         (whispering)
                    This company needs new blood. Your
                    blood. But first you must spill,
                    Sam's blood.

          Long, tense beat. Owen considers it. Music crescendos then
          cuts out. Owen breaks.

                              OWEN
                    Aw, come on, man! You're Lady
                    Macbething me!

                              MURPH
                         (laughing)
                    Hey, worth a shot, right?

                              OWEN
                    Yeah, that was good.
                         (serious)
                    That was damn good.

          Tense piano music comes back. Murph is taken aback.

                              MURPH
                    Really? You think so?

          Owen stands up and walks to Murph. Murph slowly backs up.

                              OWEN
                    You're a fine actor, Murph. You've
                    got range. Weird that Sam would
                    keep casting you as a screaming
                    idiot when you're so good at
                    whispering.

                              MURPH
                         (whispering)
                    I know, right?

                              OWEN
                    Yeah, people like Sam are always
                    going to try and keep you down but
                    the world is full of opportunities
                    for a man like you. For a man who
                    does what needs to be done.

          Owen gets up in his face, then drops a dagger on the floor.
          Murph looks at it.

                              OWEN
                         (smirking, deliberate)
                    Oops.

          They stare for a long beat. Music crescendos then cuts out.
          Murph breaks.

                              MURPH
                    You can not Lady Macbeth the Lady
                    Macbether!

                              OWEN
                    Aw, I almost had you! Was it the
                    dagger? Was it too much?

                              MURPH
                    It was a little too much.

                              OWEN
                    Damn, you're quick.
                         (serious)
                    Very quick. The way you figured me
                    out like that.

          Music comes back.

                              MURPH
                    Well it wasn't easy.
                         (serious)
                    You were very convincing.

          A second track of music begins and plays over the other one.
          They get up in each other's faces.

                              OWEN
                    You're right. Some would say my
                    plan was Murph-esque in its genius.

                              MURPH
                    Too bad Sam wouldn't see it that
                    way.

                              OWEN
                    Sam, of course, being the cause of
                    all your problems.

                              MURPH
                    Problems that need to be solved.

                              OWEN
                    Solved with murd-

          Murph kisses Owen. Music cuts out.

                              OWEN
                    No! What are you doing?

                              MURPH
                    I was Lady Macbething you.

                              OWEN
                    No, we were Lady Macbething each
                    other and then you kissed me.

                              MURPH
                    Lady Macbeth kisses Mr. Macbeth all
                    the time.

                              OWEN
                    Oh. Yeah, I guess you're right.

                              MURPH / OWEN
                         (trailing off)
                    I mean, they're married so- / Taps
                    that ass pretty hard in Act 3.

          Awkward beat. They lunge and kiss again. Suddenly, Murph
          stabs Owen.

                              OWEN
                    DUDE YOU STABBED ME!

                              MURPH
                    You just got Lady Macbeth'd, son!

                              OWEN
                    That doesn't happen in the play!

                              MURPH
                    I've never read Mr. Macbeth!

          END.