Comfortable with Him Lingerie

By

Emily Axford

          INT. SOUND STAGE

          Sexy house music plays while models pose and dance in a bare
          bones set with fans blowing on them.  Think: mirrors, chaise
          lounge, etc.

                              VO
                         (FEMALE, vaguely European)
                    You're sexy.

          Pan down on Model 1 to REVEAL sexy bra.

                              VO
                    You're flirty.

          Continue pan down to REVEAL sexy panties.

                              VO
                    You're comfortable around him. So
                    why not let him know? With the
                    Comfortable With Him Collection.

          Continue to Pan down to REVEAL she is pulling a pair
          of sweat pants over her sexy undies.

                              VO
                    Our collection features only the
                    baggiest panties...

          MODEL 2 poses in BAGGY PANTIES.

                              VO
                    Dirtiest Yoga Pants...

          MODEL 3 poses in in DIRTY YOGA PANTS.

                              VO
                    And sports bras you've had since
                    middle school.

          Model 1 & 3 pose in TATTERED SPORTS BRAS.

                              VO
                    Get way too secure in your
                    relationship in an XL Looney Toons
                    T-shirt.

          Model 3 poses in a Tazmanian Devil shirt.

                              VO
                    Or stop trying altogether with a
                    scrunchie, for your greasy,
                    unstraightened hair.

          Model 2 puts her nasty hair up in a big big scrunchie.

                              VO
                    There's a Comfortable With Him
                    Intimate for your every mood: Torn,
                    Unwashed, Stained. And
                    Period-Stained.

          Models 1-3 wear torn, unwashed, and stained.

                              VO
                    Tell him it's a "watch Netflix"
                    kind of night in a pair of Flannel
                    pajamas.

          Model 1 wears flannel pajamas and puts a retainer in.

                              VO
                    Or a bathrobe and pair of Hanes
                    from when you were fat.

          Model 2, in a bathrobe, slightly parted to see a very baggy
          pair of underwear pops a pimple in the mirror.

                              VO
                    Heat things up with a layer of body
                    hair, because you haven't shaved in
                    a month.

          CUs of hairy legs.

                              VO
                    Or just let him know he won't be
                    getting a blow job tonight by
                    putting in Whitening Strips right
                    before bed.

          Model 3 finishes putting white strips on, then wags finger
          "no" seductively.

          CUT TO: All models, lined up, wearing a variety of all the
          outfits that have already been mentioned.

                              VO
                    Comfortable With Him: For those
                    times when you want to say "Things
                    are good, but not great."

          POST-HUH:

                              VO
                    And check out our Comfortable With
                    Her Collection.

          CUT TO: GUY, in HOT CHILI PEPPER BOXER SHORTS and a wife
          beater with a huge gut, watching TV. He rapid-fire scratches
          his balls, then says:

                              GUY
                    Tammy Taylor is so hot.