One line to rule them all.
By Emily Axford & Brian Murphy
INT. ELF APARTMENT
BRIAN stands before a glowing bowl of liquid. ELOWYN stands
across from him. Music and lighting mirror the LOTR scene.
Look deep within, and the future
will reveal itself.
He looks into the bowl. It casts a blue glow on his face.
And remember: two lines means I'm
pregnant, one line means I'm not.
Zoom into Brian's face looking scared at the bowl.
CUT TO: TITLECARD
REVEAL the bowl was on a coffee table. Brian pulls back.
Elowyn looks at a set of instructions for an "Enchanted
Pregnancy Well." There's a picture of a happy pregnant elf.
It says it takes a few minutes.
I don't know, maybe we're
overreacting. How late are you?
A year. I get my period every ten
Ugh, we should have never gone off
I know, but it was making me moody!
Elowyn, in Galadriel freakout mode, glows with a blue &
black aura, and speaks with a deep echo.
All shall love me and despair. Wash
out the blender after you use it.
BACK TO PRESENT
Brian looks PTSD scared.
It did give me bigger boobs.
Elowyn looks at her boobs. Brian nods.
Maybe it's just stress messing with
Oh, yeah! We had those Ring Wraiths
move in and they've been filling
our hearts with nightmares. Also,
they're really loud.
A guitar amp turns on and a drummer warms up next door.
(yelling to next door)
Do you have to practice every day?
I have so much I want to do before
I have kids. Perfect the elixir for
invincibility, shoot an arrow
through the heart of a dragon-
Own a suit.
My friend Arkenea just had a baby.
She used to be a Ranger. Now she
has a lifestyle blog.
And I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to
flood my Instagram with baby
I mean, I know it's not ideal, but,
I could always eat The Forbidden
Herb of the Black Forest.
We can't do that, my dad's
Elowyn nods knowingly.
(looking on the bright side)
Well, it would be a half-elf. So it
would have the advantages of both
I used to play them in D&D -
And I think you'd be a great Dad.
Um, you'd be a great mom. If my mom
could talk to me telepathically, I
wouldn't have jumped my bike off of
Peter Spukowski's roof deck twice.
Thank you, baby.
They share a quiet moment.
Hey. We'll make it work. No matter
(noticing a glow)
I think it's ready.
They both look at the bowl. Elowyn closes her eyes, ala
Galadriel, and Brian stares in, ala Frodo. We don't see the
vision in the bowl, just his face, looking increasingly
concerned as the music and the glow swell. All of a sudden,
the power of it all knocks him back and he falls on the
floor. He looks up at Elowyn with a serious face, then:
One line! You're not pregnant!
Awesome, I would be such a shitty