Very Mary-Kate: Manicure

By

Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich

          INT. APARTMENT - DAY

          ASHLEY greets MARY-KATE.

                              ASHLEY
                    Hey, M-Cakes!

                              MARY-KATE
                    Oh, don't hug me, I just got my
                    nails did.

                              ASHLEY
                    Oooh, give me the guided tour!

          Mary-Kate shows us her nails one-by-one in extreme
          close-ups.

                              MARY-KATE
                         (thumb 1)
                    Okay, so, this is an ornate
                    illustration in the style of
                    Michaelangelo depicting the battle
                    of good and evil as embodied by
                    Comet and Evil Dragon.

                              ASHLEY
                    Mmm. That has some really rich
                    tones.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Yeah, it has some really rich
                    tones.

                              ASHLEY
                    Yeah.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Yeah.  

                              MARY-KATE
                         (index finger 2)
                    This one is A Sunday Afternoon on
                    the Island of La Grande Jatte by
                    George Seurat. Now, Seurat is
                    pretty much the baby daddy of
                    pointillism, so if you look close
                    enough, you'll see that this is
                    made up a bunch of tiny dots.

          She holds up a microscope for Ashley to peer into.

                              ASHLEY
                    Cute!

                              MARY-KATE
                         (middle finger 3)
                    This one's just tiny dots.

                              ASHLEY
                    Cute!

                              MARY-KATE
                         (ring finger 4)
                    I couldn't decide on this one, so
                    it's half cheese, quarter
                    pepperoni, two slices veggie, and
                    one slice pineapple and ham, just,
                    y'know, for whoever wants it.

                              ASHLEY
                    Dibs on nothing!

                              MARY-KATE
                         (pinky 5)
                    This one's- aw, man, it's already
                    broken.

                              ASHLEY
                    Looks fine to me.

                              MARY-KATE
                    No, it's supposed to light up,
                    so... it's broken.

                              ASHLEY
                    Hash tag pinky problems.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Totally hash tag pinky problems.
                         (thumb 6)
                    This one is a magic eye.

                              ASHLEY
                    I can't see it, it's not working
                    for me, I hate these thi- OMG a
                    triceratops!

                              MARY-KATE
                         (index finger 7)
                    This one is a mirror so my other
                    nails can check themselves out!
                         (whispering with hand over her
                         mouth)
                    My nails are really vain.
                         (realizing she's whispering
                         right to the nails)
                    Oh. Sorry guys.

                              ASHLEY
                    Awkward.

                              MARY-KATE
                         (middle finger 8)
                    On my middle finger is a picture of
                    me giving the middle finger, so
                    when I'm flipping you off, I'm
                    flipping you off!

                              ASHLEY
                    Yo dawg, I heard you like flipping
                    people off...

                              MARY-KATE
                         (ring finger 9)
                    This one's my coke nail-
                         (pinky 10)
                    And this one is an iPod shuffle
                    that plays in my brain.

          She clicks through silently. Then, finally:

                              MARY-KATE (CONT.)
                    Oooh, Shinaya.

                              ASHLEY
                    Did you get a pedicure too?

                              MARY-KATE
                         (kicking off her shoes)
                    Did I...

                              ASHLEY
                         (gasp)
                    PINK?!

                              MARY-KATE
                    PINK!

                              MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY
                    YAAAY! 

          END.