Mary-Kate makes a French connection.
By Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich
INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT
We're at a fancy dinner party. A cougar of a HOST, a
Donatella Versaci-type in a gown and glasses, is already
raising her glass.
Thank you all for coming. I would
like to welcome our distinguished
guest, all the way from France, Mr.
Really, you would do better to
applaud the chef. These cheese
puffs are a better representative
of France than I.
And now, more representatives of
France are on their way from the
(slamming fist on table)
You laughed at HIS joke!
Olivier sits down, revealing a texting Mary-Kate. A server
tries to put down a plate in front of her.
No thanks. I'm an airatarian.
(turning, offering his hand)
Bonjour. Je ma'appelle Olivier
Oooh. Bon Jovi. Fiona Apple
Ah. American. My English is...
not so good.
Oh, no worries. Moi Frances est-
(clears throat, takes pose)
Like, totally awesome.
Ha. Charming. So-
Olivier and Mary-Kate speak French from here on.
How do you know the host?
The little girl is holding a
So... you met at her birthday? Her
I could have sworn she was a
(counting off on her fingers)
1, 2, 3, 4, 5...
Haha, she does pretend to be
younger than she is.
A far away shot of the host from between Mary-Kate and
Olivier. She makes eye contact with Olivier and gives a wry
Where is the dog?
Stop it. She is not a dog.
The dog is in the doghouse.
You are terrible. It is not a
doghouse. Although the interior
design does leave something to be
A wide shot reveals just how gorgeous the interior design
Where is the hotel?
I am staying at the Plaza.
I need a ride to the hotel.
You want to come home with me?
I would like to upgrade my hotel
Upgrade? To a bed for two? This
is very sudden.
Do you take American Express?
I can get on the express train if
They lean into each other.
Do you have these shoes in a
I do not own nor have I ever seen
such beautiful shoes, nor feet, nor
Does this yacht have a pharmacy?
Rest assured that our boat will be
rocking so hard that you will need
I may have lost the bet on the
horse, but I just bought the horse,
so now I own the horse, and you can
pay the winning bets to me, thank
you very much.
That does not make any sense in
The host appears behind them. Olivier pops up.
I am so sorry, but we must rush
out. I am due at the embassy, for
some... international relations.
Before we go, ou est la w.c.? I
have to go throw up some air.
She throws up in his hand. Everyone in the party reacts,
(in French, to himself)
I am in love!