New Orleans' reckoning has come! And it's briefly irritating.
By Adam Conover & Jeff Rubin
INT. HIDEOUT Bane speaks to camera. The image flickers and shakes. BANE Citizens of New Orleans. Your reckoning is upon you. On Sunday, I struck at the heart of your festering society by plunging your greatest spectacle, the Super Bowl, into darkness. (beat) For THIRTY FIVE whole minutes. I was born into the dark! And for a little over half an hour, the audience dwelt there as well. Half of them! As my plot unfolded, the opressers who had gathered across the country to celebrate gluttony and excess, were DRIVEN MAD by the short delay in their beloved blood sport! As time crawled to standstill, inane football commentators poisoned your brains with useless babble, while your guacamole turned brown in your bowls. You were forced to watch in horror, as your mighty gladiators were reduced to doing pilates on the field of battle! We see a clip of this. BANE And the delay unleashed a torrent of advertisements! Women and children wailed and gnashed their teeth, upon being forced to watch that weird Stevie Wonder ad again! Men wept and cried, "What does Danica Patrick have to do with domain names?" And thus, their sins were punished. To ensure that my demands are not ignored, I have taken two hostages. If your corrupt government does not relinquish the reins of power within twenty four hours, you shall never see the other two members of Destiny's Child again. Can you bear to live in such a world?! When you are prepared submit, you may contact me via my new henchman, Ray Lewis!