The most dramatic performance comes at the climax.
By Dan Gurewitch
INT. BLACK BOX THEATRE SPACE - DAY
CALM NARRATOR (V.O.)
(with accompanying TITLE)
"Everyday Acting." The theatre
workshop for real-life situations.
VHS-style. Intense, affected, turtlenecked teacher VIRGIL
HONEYCUTT stands in a seated circle of FEMALE STUDENTS.
I am Virgil Honeycutt, ac-TOR,
direc-TOR, and as I am legally
required to tell you, Royal
Shakespeare Company sexual
harassment policy viola-TOR.
The students look at each other. Over Virgil's next line,
TEXT: "FAKING ORGASM" fades in, then out.
It may be called "faking orgasm,"
but an actor does not "fake." Find
truth in the world around you and
convert that world-truth into face-
truth and vagina-truth.
INTERCUT Virgil teaching and performing example orgasms:
Imagine you're a small child, alone
and terrified in the arctic tundra.
A pleasantly-surprised tennis
The world's tiniest, saddest ninja.
Old bathroom pipes.
A skipping iPod.
Or one of those Halloween doormats,
where you step on it and it's like:
Share with us your most primal
Oh yeah! Oh God! Yeah, yeah, YEAH!
Badly done, you're a human
landfill. If you don't believe it,
why should I?
(as she starts to answer)
SHH! That was a rhetorical
question, wasn't it?
(she does it again)
SHH! Rhetorical also.
He "conducts" VERA & PORTIA, facing each other, in a
VERA & PORTIA
"You like that, don't you?" /
"Yes." / "You like that, don't
you?" / "Yes." / "You like that,
don't you?" / "Yes."
Pillow talk. These curtains have
closed but the show continues, as
you lie both with him and to him.
(with ENTIRE CLASS)
"You were amazing, honey.
Much better than Esteban, the
Argentinian guy I met on my
To walk the fine line between
pleasure and pain, find your
darkest memory. For me, it's the
night my mother whispered to me:
(weird almost-black voice)
Momma ain't comin' back no mo'. So
you gotta be strong for momma. It's
a hard world out there and momma
gonna leave it all behind."
TEARS stream down Virgil's face. THE STUDENTS ARE CRYING
Bite your lip! Arch your back!
Shake that leg, Vera!
The class erupts into ORGASM NOISES TOGETHER. Finally,
Virgil CUTS THEM OFF. SILENCE. He smiles, proud.
Today, you are all actors. Except
for you, Rebecca, you're terrible.
(to everyone else)